‘Poker’
Season 3, Episode 8 - Aired January 6, 2002
Hal feels he was discriminated against when he joins Abe and his friends for a game of poker. Meanwhile, Lois takes Reese to her dancing class, while Stevie makes Malcolm the star of his video project.
Quote from Stevie
Stevie: And still... he has... nothing!
Malcolm: Alright. You know what? That's it! I'm writing about you doing a movie.
Stevie: But my movie's... about your paper.
Malcolm: Yeah. I'm doing my paper about your movie about me doing my paper!
Stevie: Fine! My movie's... about you doing... your paper... about me doing... my...
Malcolm: Alright, I get it!
Stevie: ... movie... about you...
Quote from Lois
Lois: Oh, with the boys asleep this house is so quiet!
Hal: Mm-hm.
Lois: Such a nice idea to build a fire.
Hal: Yeah. Hey, I didn't build a fire. I thought you built a fire.
[After Hal and Lois extinguish the fire, they comb through the charred evidence on the kitchen table as the boys stand behind them:]
Hal: Well, looks like Reese got a D in English. And Dewey seems to be fighting again.
Dewey: Biting.
Lois: Oh, Malcolm, tell your teacher I'd love to chaperone the class overnight. We can share a tent.
Quote from Stevie
Malcolm: I can't believe Mr. Herkabe allowed you to do a video project instead of a paper!
Stevie: You could have... asked!
Malcolm: I don't have parents rich enough to buy me a videocamera.
Stevie: Rich... and compensating.
Malcolm: I don't know even what I'm going to write about. I mean, what's your movie gonna be about?
Stevie: The creative... process. You writing... your paper.
Malcolm: Is that on?! Turn it off! I don't have an idea. You're going to make me look like an idiot. I'm serious!
Stevie: This is... great! Now knock... me over!
Quote from Reese
Reese: You know, Dewey, I've recently come into a little money so I went to the mall to buy myself a CD player, and then I saw this little kid who reminded me of you and I thought of a better way to spend it. So here. [Reese holds a model aircraft]
Dewey: Wow!
[Reese drops the toy plane to the ground and jumps on it]
Reese: Oh, my God, the look on your face! That was totally worth it!
Dewey: You're the worst brother ever!
Reese: I know! I know! [laughs]
Quote from Hal
Hal: And at least I'm man enough to apologize when I've been a jerk!
Abe: What is that supposed to mean?!
Hal: You know darn well what I'm talking about. The way you and your friends treated me the other night.
Abe: What?!
Hal: Oh, please! Look, obviously I'm different! I mean, I walked through that door and stuck out like a sore thumb. I always thought those things didn't matter but...
Abe: If you're implying what I think you're implying.
Hal: You want me to just come out and say it?
Abe: I think you better.
Hal: Fine! You and your poker buddies all ganged up on me because I'm not a professional!
Abe: Excuse me?!
Hal: You and your doctor friend and your lawyer friend and your dentist friend! You decided it was okay to skin a guy just because he's a working stiff! And I bet you had a big laugh about it afterwards.
Quote from Reese
Reese: Hey, guys! You know what you should do your movie about? Old people. Did you know some of have spent their entire lives saving money, only to find they've outlived everyone they wanted to share it with. [removes a wad of cash] Talk about sad!
Quote from Hal
Hal: Honey, guess what, guess what! I'm gonna play poker at Abe's tonight.
Lois: Tonight's our first dance class.
Hal: That's tonight?
Lois: Yes. It was your birthday present to me.
Hal: Oh.
[Hal's smile drops as he and Lois stare at each other for a long tine. Dewey walks in as they continue staring and then walks out before they stop.]
Lois: Fine, go play poker.
Hal: I love you! Mwah! [cackles]
Quote from Lois
Lois: Great. Now who am I gonna go with?
Dewey: Did Reese finish his homework yet?
Reese: Of course I finished my homework.
Lois: Good. Then you can come to dance class with me.
Reese: What? No, I was lying. I didn't finish my homework. I don't know what my homework is!
Lois: Go get your shoes.
Quote from Reese
Reese: [to himself] It's just like touching a dead person. It's just like touching a dead person.
Quote from Hal
Lois: I had the most wonderful time at dance class! Every time the instructor needed to show the class something, he used me as his partner. I always thought I was such a clodhopper! I cannot believe what I have missed all these years. Oh, how was your poker game?
Hal: Hm? Oh, it was great! Why wouldn't it be? I love Abe! I love poker! A whole night playing poker with Abe...
and his friends.
Lois: The teacher thinks I have a dancer's ankles! What do you think, huh? Wanna dance with the star pupil?
Hal: Huh?
Lois: You know, dance.
Hal: No, I'm not in the mood.
Lois: You're always in the mood!
Hal: Not every single night of my life!
Lois: Yes, you are!
Hal: I'm not some kind of machine!
Lois: Yes, you are.
Hal: You can't just snap your fingers-
Lois: Yes, I can. I always have.
Hal: Oh, alright!