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‘Standee’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

Malcolm in the Middle: Standee

603. Standee

Aired November 21, 2004

When Lois returns to work at Lucky Aide on probation, she is offended by an alcohol advertisement that stereotypes Black people. Meanwhile, Hal is angry when the trash man doesn't take away a giant cat habitat he tried to dump.

Quote from Lois

Lois: What is this?
Craig: It's the new ad campaign for Smooth Malt Liquor.
Lois: You don't find this offensive?!
Craig: Why?
Lois: Well, it's a Black janitor with a mop and a six pack of Malt Liquor in his hand.
Craig: I don't know that he's the janitor, maybe he just spilled something.
Lois: His name is Slappy?!
Craig: A delightful throwback to a simpler time.
Lois: Well, I'm getting rid of it.
Craig: If you get caught, I don't know about this. And I would have loved to have been called Slappy growing up!

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Quote from Malcolm

Malcolm: You know what's really bothering you? You don't think I'm prejudiced. You're just mad that at work I don't have to obey you. And now that I'm getting older, you're losing more and more control over me every day. You can't stand that soon I'll be free!
Trey: He has a dream!
Malik: Sing it, my brother!
Lois: Should we talk about what's really bothering you? It's that you know I'm right! You do have a code of ethics that you're trying to deny!
Malcolm: What do you know about ethics? Bringing this in here to embarrass me in front of Dad's friends?! Did I tell Dad how you said that sooner or later he'll realize he'll look ridiculous, and quit this stupid fight with the trash man?! Did I?! No! Because, no matter how mad I get, I always treat you with some level of decency!
Hal: I'll realize I look ridiculous.
Lois: Hal, that's not the point!

Quote from Reese

Reese: Dewey, could you reach in my sock drawer and get me a pair of socks?
Dewey: OK.
Reese: Not that one. On top.
Dewey: Not on the top of the dresser. Right in front of you, the sock drawer.
Reese: That's your sock drawer. Go next to it. On the other side. Not behind the dresser. All you have to do is reach into my drawer and... [Reese screams as a crab bites his finger] So stupid, Dewey.

Quote from Lois

[Lois places the "Slappy" beer standee in front of Hal's poker table]
Malcolm: What the hell are you doing?!
Lois: I just thought I'd show this to the guys. You can explain why you've been fighting to keep this up at the store.
Malcolm: I wasn't fighting for it, I was just told to put it up by my boss.
Lois: You also added very vehemently that, "It's not so bad". Maybe you can explain to everyone here why this isn't racist.
Trey: First we picked their cotton, then we had to solve their moral dilemmas.
Steve: It's probably the saddest sight of all when racism impacts on white people.
Malik: Oh, how many white mothers and sons must be torn asunder before we learned all this?
Trey: It's bad enough we have to watch them dancing in their weddings?
Hal: Shaking their flat asses around. [all dance]
Lois: Will you stop it? I need your help! This is a completely offensive false image of African-American men!
[Abe stands next to the "Slappy" Standee holding a mop in one hand and a beer can in the other]

Quote from Malcolm

Malcolm: What are you doing?
Lois: I'm putting this back.
Malcolm: Really?
Lois: You know I've always believed in admitting when I was wrong, but there were things about this I hadn't considered. Maybe I was too focused on controlling you. The point is, I want this to stay. This has to stay!
Malcolm: [to camera] Wow! Now all I want to do is take it down. I mean, look at this thing! It's horribly offensive! What year are we living in, his name is Slappy for God's sakes! But if I take it down now, she'll think I'm only doing it to be contrary. Am I only doing it to be contrary? No. I really am offended by this. These are my true feelings which I wasn't able to have before, because I was only being contrary. Unless, it's the opposite of that. Okay, I am definitely taking this down, while I'm walking away and leaving it here while I pretend to do nothing and figure out what to do.

Quote from Lois

Lois: What are you doing?
Malcolm: We had to replace the one that was stolen last week. I think Craig took it so he can use the car pool late.
Lois: Craig didn't take it. I took it, and put it in the trunk of my car.
Malcolm: Mom, what are you doing? You're on probation.
Lois: This is completely racially insensitive. It has no place in this store.
Malcolm: But Mr. Crechale told me to put it up.
Lois: Well, I'm telling you to take it down.
Malcolm: I can't do that. You're not my boss here, Mr. Crechale is.
Lois: Mr. Crechale didn't tear three inches getting you out of him. Now, are you going to take this down or not?
Malcolm: No. [walks away] [to camera] She isn't coming after me, is she?

Quote from Lois

Lois: Oops. [over P.A.] Over ring on two.
[After Malcolm comes and unlocks the register, he notices Lois has put up a picture of him shirtless and wearing a fruit hat and coconut bra in the kitchen.]
Malcolm: What's that?!
Lois: Mmm?
Malcolm: I threw that picture away!
Lois: Oh, we still have a negative. It reminds me of the old you. Back when you still knew right from wrong.
Malcolm: Just because I'm not doing what you want, doesn't mean you get to humiliate me!
Lois: Humiliate you? You mean there's an offensive image on display in the store?
Woman: My son used to love to play dress-up just like that. Give him a call.
Malcolm: Take that down!
Lois: Gee, I'm not doing what you want. You're not doing what I want. Maybe we should bring Mr. Crechale into this, since he's the only one whose opinion you seem to care about.

Quote from Craig

Malcolm: "No employee may display personal items in his or her workspace." Don't worry, Mom. It only added a day to your probation.
Shirley: [removes cross] I'm sorry, God. You're against the rules here.
Craig: [rolls up "Hang in There" inspirational poster] [weeps] I don't know who I am any more.

Quote from Hal

Hal: Well, the sanitation department claims that the trash man has an airtight alibi for last night. If I want to haul this stuff away myself, I need $1,200 for a 19 ton truck, and a classified sanitation license, which I'm pretty sure I don't have. Honey, I don't want you to worry about this. I will get rid of this crud, no matter how long it takes. [a man walking his dog throws a bottle on the trash heap] Hey, what makes you think that's okay?! [to Lois] Honey, I am not going to tell you that this is ideal. But if we refuse to fight this fight, then we're really living in garbage. Garbage of the spirit! And that's got to be the worst kind. Now, I feel sorry for our neighbors with no garbage on their lawn, but we don't want to sound too superior, everyone's doing the best they can. [Lois walks off] You know Lois, there are things I don't say, like none of this would have happened if you'd let us have a cat!

Quote from Malcolm

Reese: How am I supposed to tell if the milk is bad? Everything in this house smells the same.
Hal: Principles don't always smell like roses, boys. We are in this temporary situation because this family stands for something. I expect a little stoicism around here.
Malcolm: Oh, I'll be stoic, Dad. Until the massive pile of trash we're living in starts to decompose, and the maggots start fighting with the cockroaches about who gets to eat the rats' fecal matter, and then you're going to hear some complaining from me.
Hal: I think we've got a leak in here. Reese, check the windows.

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