Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris is a fictional account of Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show follows Chris, his parents Julius and Rochelle, and siblings Drew and Tonya, as they move to Bedford-Stuyvesant (Bed-Stuy) where Chris starts at a majority-White school.

Starring: Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim, Vincent Martella, Chris Rock.
Recurring Actors: Travis T. Flory, Jacqueline Mazarella, Kevontay Jackson, Ernest Thomas, Jeris Poindexter, Michel Estime, Antonio Fargas, Jackee Harry, Todd Bridges, J.B. Smoove, Earthquake, Tony Rock.
Original Run: 2005-2009.

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Quote from Greg in Everybody Hates the Last Day

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mission with Caruso was simple, find out things without getting found out.
Greg: What happened? Did he spot us?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No, but only because he didn't see us behind that mustache.
Chris: How are you going to follow someone with a fake mustache and a Hawaiian shirt and expect them not to notice you?
Greg: Works for Magnum, P.I.
Chris: Number one, Tom Selleck is a 45-year-old man. Two, he wears Hawaiian shirts in Hawaii. There, they're just shirts. It's like Chinese food in China.
Greg: Nothing could be further from the truth. There's Mandarin, Cantonese, Szechuan, my favorite, Hunan, Shanghai...

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Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Sausage

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!

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Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: I know you're not gonna throw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

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Quote from Drew in Everybody Hates the English Teacher

Drew: 21.
Mr. Omar: You hit on 17?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What Mr. Omar didn't know was that when it came to numbers, Drew was like my father.
[montage:]
Drew: Wow, that's 562,002 granules of sugar.
Drew: Wow, that's 357,000 raindrops.
Drew: Wow, that's one cupcake.

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Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Cake

Julius: I knew this androgynous guy when I was coming up.
Chris: You did?
Julius: Yeah. He was one of the baddest dudes I ever met. Pink Bobby Jenkins. He was androgynous way before it was popular. Everybody used to make fun of him.
Chris: Pink Bobby? So did you guys hang out?
Julius: Nope. I didn't want people to think I was androgynous. Then one day, I was coming home from school, and these guys jumped me. Oh, they had me too. Then, next thing I know, here comes Pink Bobby. Man, Pink Bobby was knocking suckers out. I asked him why'd he help me, even though I wouldn't talk to him. But he said he didn't care that I didn't talk to him. It was because I didn't talk about him. After that, we were always cool.
Chris: And people didn't think you were androgynous?
Julius: Look, Chris, unless you show up in a dress, heels and makeup, nobody's gonna think you're androgynous.
Chris: Thanks, Dad.

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