Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris is a fictional account of Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show follows Chris, his parents Julius and Rochelle, and siblings Drew and Tonya, as they move to Bedford-Stuyvesant (Bed-Stuy) where Chris starts at a majority-White school.

Starring: Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim, Vincent Martella, Chris Rock.
Recurring Actors: Travis T. Flory, Jacqueline Mazarella, Kevontay Jackson, Ernest Thomas, Jeris Poindexter, Michel Estime, Antonio Fargas, Jackee Harry, Todd Bridges, J.B. Smoove, Earthquake, Tony Rock.
Original Run: 2005-2009.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Drew in Everybody Hates Minimum Wage

Julius: Excuse me. Drew, what's eight times 12?
Drew: I don't know.
Julius: [blocks Ms. Crabtree from view with the American flag] How about now?
Drew: 96.
Julius: [lowers the flag] Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?
Drew: I don't know.
Julius: [lifts the flag] How about now?
Drew: Thomas Jefferson.
Julius: [lowers the flag] Drew, what's your name?
Drew: I don't know.
Julius: Look, if you're going to be an educator, buy some uglier clothes. Please. Come on.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew's grades improved after he transferred to the class of Miss Murphy, a 90-year-old lady with a mustache.

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Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Sausage

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: I know you're not gonna throw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates a Part Time Job

Chris: I was hoping you could give me an allowance.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I know it sounded like an innocent enough question, but here's what he heard.
[fantasy:]
Chris: Since you work like a slave all day and don't have any time to enjoy your own money, can I have it?
[reality:]
Julius: I'm not giving you money for walking around doing nothing. An allowance? I'll allow you to sleep here at night. I'll allow you to eat them potatoes. I'll allow you to use my lights. I'll allow you to drink my Kool-Aid. I'll allow you to nibble on them green beans. I'll allow you to look at that TV. I'll allow you to run up my gas bill. I'll allow you to walk up my stairs. I'll allow you to ask me these ridiculous-ass questions. Why should I give you an allowance when I already paid for everything you do? Who you know that gets an allowance? Huh? I'm finished.
Chris: I was talking to Greg and he said that he gets five dollars a week.
Julius: Sounds like Greg's doing better than me. Ask him for an allowance. You want to buy a leather coat, you need to get a leather coat job.

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Quote from Vanessa in Everybody Hates Big Bird

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I realized my mistake, and Vanessa realized that going out with Kill Moves wasn't a mistake at all.
Rochelle: You were out all night?
Vanessa: Oh, girl, that's just the start of it. We opened the champagne, headed for the seaport. There was a pink helicopter waiting for me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You can hear about the rest of Vanessa's date at www.vanessasbigdatewithkillmoves.tv

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. But I'm working hard trying to pay for this place, you know that.
Rochelle: Julius, just because you make money doesn't mean you know how to spend it. You gotta know how to work the system.
Julius: What system?
Rochelle: The debt system. I run this house like they run the country... on a deficit. Rent is due on the 3rd, I don't pay 'til the 9th because you don't get your check 'til the 7th. If you pay the light bill now, I won't have money for the groceries, the rent will be late and then you'll have to work overtime. You want to work overtime again, Julius? No, I don't think so. If we don't owe people money, we won't have any money at all.
Julius: Um... Why didn't you just say that then?
Rochelle: Because you didn't ask.

Quote from Tonya in Everybody Hates Earth Day

Julius: What happened?
Tonya: I was trying to study and this girl kept talking so I told her: [in Rochelle's voice]: "If you don't shut up, I'm going to slap the chatter out of you." And she left me alone.
Drew: Wow, you sound just like mom.
Rochelle: No, she doesn't.
Julius: She does. I mean, just a little.