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‘Everybody Hates DJs’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates DJs

217. Everybody Hates DJs

Aired March 19, 2007

When Chris is asked to DJ a party, he needs to buy all the equipment. Meanwhile, Drew asks Julius to take him to a magic show.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was pursuing Hip Hop, my dad was trying to avoid things that went hippity-hop.
Drew: Hey, Dad, do you think you could take me to the magic show this week?
Julius: I got a magic show for you. I work two jobs seven days a week, and every day my money disappears. How's that for magic?

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Quote from Jerome

Jerome: Hold on, hold on. Y'all don't have to leave. I know somebody here knows how to DJ.
Chris: I know how to DJ.
Jerome: Little dude from across the street. You're telling me you know how to rock the wheels of steel?
Woman: Well, go ahead, then. Turn the party out.
Jerome: Hold on, everybody, hold on. Let me hold a dollar.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He's charging me to help him?
Jerome: If you're telling the truth, I'll give it back.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Thanks.

Quote from Greg

Greg: Hey, Chris, where are you going in such a hurry?
Chris: Oh, I need to go buy turntables. I got a job offer DJing a party.
Greg: DJ? You mean like Wolfman Jack?
Chris: No, like Grandmaster Flash.
Greg: Grandmaster Flash. Isn't he in the Justice League?
Chris: No, the Furious Five.
Greg: Those look expensive.
Chris: Well, they're professional.
Greg: Yeah, but you're not.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Greg's future career as a motivational speaker didn't go very well.

Quote from Julius

Rochelle: Did Drew ask you to take him to a magic show?
Julius: Yeah... Uh, did you know there were going to be rabbits there?
Rochelle: So?
Julius: So... I'm allergic.
Rochelle: To rabbits? Since when?
Julius: I don't know. Since I was a kid. I mean... So if they're going to have rabbits there, I can't go.
Rochelle: Can't you take some allergy medicine or some 'Tussin?
Julius: It's Robitussin, not Rabbit-tussin.
Rochelle: Look, Drew doesn't ask you for much. All he wants you to do is to take him to a magic show. A free magic show. This is important to him. You should be willing to wade through a pool of rabbits.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father never went near a pool again.

Quote from Jerome

Jerome: Say "Go, little dude!"
All: Go, little dude.
Jerome: Say, "Hey!"
All: Hey!
Jerome: Say, "Oh!"
All: Oh!
Jerome: Now scream! [to Chris] Listen up. I'm doing another party next Saturday. You want to DJ? It pays a hundred dollars.
Chris: A hundred dollars? Yeah.
Jerome: Cool.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Notice, he didn't give me my dollar back.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Hip-hop was the biggest thing to hit Bed-Stuy since poverty, but it took a little longer to get to the White neighborhoods.

Quote from Adult Chris

Greg: Man, this is so cool. White guys have to learn to play instruments to make records. Black guys just have to play the records.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But the White man still gets all the money.

Quote from Chris

Greg: What are you going to call yourself?
Chris: DJ Chrissy Chris.
Greg: Isn't Chrissy a girl's name?
Chris: It's a Black thing.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Like that badass Black dude from Three's Company.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Oh, baby, I can't take you, I got to work. But when your father wakes up, why don't you ask him? Maybe he could take you.
Drew: Okay.
Rochelle: Now, wait a minute, Drew. I don't want you fooling around with no black magic. You hear me? I don't want to come home and see no pentagrams and dead goats and chickens and stuff like that. Only good, clean white magic. You hear me?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Why not compromise and do Puerto Rican magic?

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Magician, huh?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother didn't care about magic. She just imagined how it could make her look good.
[fantasy: a bunch of women are getting their hair done at a salon:]
Woman #1: My boy is a football player. He just got a scholarship to Rutgers.
Woman #2: My daughter is a doctor. She just finished her first open-heart surgery.
Rochelle: And my son is a magician. And he just made Bed-Stuy disappear.
[When they look out of the window, it's a baron desert with wolves howling in the distant]
Pam: You better tell him to bring it back 'cause I'm closing at 9:00.

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