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Everybody Hates Bomb Threats

‘Everybody Hates Bomb Threats’

Season 4, Episode 21 -  Aired May 1, 2009

Chris looks for a way to get out of class after Thurman forces him to learn a lengthy speech. Meanwhile, Julius is worried when Rochelle upsets a customer at the salon who puts "a mojo" on her.

Quote from Mr. Omar

Mr. Omar: Ah, Ms. Rochelle, Mr. Julius, I just want to tell you I might be a little late on the rent. Yeah, the mortuary had a run of bad luck, and tragically, we lost three customers.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That means they lived.
Julius: You see there, Rochelle? The mojo's spreading all over the building.
Mr. Omar: Mojo? What mojo? You got a mojo on you?
Rochelle: Oh, don't tell me you believe in that nonsense too.
Mr. Omar: I believe it because it's not nonsense. I'm sorry, if you got a mojo on you, I got to move the hell up out of here now.
Rochelle: What for?
Mr. Omar: 'Cause you got a mojo on you, and I'm in this house, I got a mojo on me. And if people keep surviving around here, y'all gonna run me out of business. So do what you need to do, and let me know when it's done.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what my wife says.


Quote from Vanessa

Vanessa: Oh, I had to check with you. I was going over my receipts, and my register keeps coming up short about $40.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mom could have been the mayor of Detroit.
Rochelle: Oh... I meant to tell you about that.
Vanessa: About what?
Rochelle: Um, you know Miss Tallulah?
Vanessa: Yeah. What about her?
Rochelle: Well, she was unhappy with her hair color, so she seemed pretty upset, so I just gave her a refund.
Vanessa: Refund? What'd you do that for? I have a strict no-refund policy, you know that.
Rochelle: Well, Vanessa, she put a hex on me. A mojo!
Vanessa: A mojo? You let that woman come in and scam you for $40 because she threatened you with a mojo? She's been doing that ever since she came in, 'Chelle. She's crazy! She's the reason I put the sign up there. Oh, ooh, I got to watch TV when I eat.

Quote from Rochelle

Tallulah: My name is Tallulah LaFitte. I came in here the other day to get my hair dyed honey brown, and it come out like this.
Rochelle: Well, did you have color in your hair before you came in?
Tallulah: So, what if I did? I didn't want my hair to be orange. I look like Ronald Blackdonald.
Rochelle: Well... hair is like crayons, you know? You mix colors, you get new colors. If you don't know what you're mixing, then you don't know what you're gonna get.
Tallulah: I don't care about no mixing colors, miss. You need to give me a refund.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You need to put those fingers away.

Quote from Julius

Rochelle: If that woman wasn't so ridiculous, I swear I might really believe she put a mojo on me for real.
Julius: What woman? What mojo? What makes you think you got a mojo?
Rochelle: Oh, it was nothing. Some crazy woman came in the shop, talking about she didn't like the way we did her hair, she wanted her money back, and I told her no, and she got mad and said, oh, well, I'm gonna put a hex on, mojo or something on you.
Julius: Well, did this happen today?
Rochelle: Yeah.
Julius: Maybe we still have time. I'll stop by Aunt Mousey's tomorrow on the way home from work and get her mojo remedy.
Rochelle: In the meantime, I'll just get the kids some 'Tussin.
Julius: No, no. You can feed 'em, but don't give 'em medicine until you treat the mojo. Anything you do might make it worse.
Rochelle: Fine. Drew, Tonya, Chris, get down here and eat this soup! [grunting] Ow! I just bit my tongue.
Julius: Mojo.

Quote from Drew

Rochelle: I can't believe you had me go all the way down there and apologize to that crazy woman for nothing!
Julius: It wasn't for nothing. Drew and Tonya had a fever. It was getting worse.
Tonya: That's because we didn't drink that nasty mojo remedy.
Drew: Yeah, we poured that down the drain. I really don't think it's safe to drink Clay-Dough.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Um, we don't give refunds. That's our policy. Didn't you read the sign?
Tallulah: Then I need to speak to the manager.
Rochelle: She's just gonna tell you the same thing I just said.
Tallulah: How do you know that?
Rochelle: [mimicking her accent] Because she is me! So I'm sorry, but no. Whatever happened to that head of yours is not our fault.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what the president of Hollywood said to Britney Spears.
Tallulah: Ah-ah, this is not over, miss. Until you give me back my money, I'm putting a mojo on you and yours, a hex on everything you touch and everything you do. So it is said, so it shall be done. [grunts quickly, clicks tongue] [speaks foreign language] [grunting foreign language]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That was Barack Obama's middle name.
Rochelle: And Obama-lu to you, too!

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back home, my father thought someone put a hex on his dinner.
Julius: We're having soup for dinner?
Rochelle: Yeah. Drew and Tonya are sick. They got a touch of the flu.
Julius: The flu? They were fine last night. They aren't faking, are they?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If she thought that, she'd have made fake soup.
Rochelle: No. I took their temperature with a rectal thermometer.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Just one?
Rochelle: Either they got the flu, or they're going a long way for a joke.

Quote from Julius

Rochelle: Where you been?
Julius: Tattoo down at the garage. The battery's dead.
Rochelle: What?
Julius: I know. it's a brand-new battery. I told him you bought a new one two months ago, and he said it looked like it was four years old. I don't get it.
Rochelle: He said it looked like it was four years old? That's crazy.
Julius: Yeah, it's been a crazy day. One bad thing happening right after the other. I found out I had a hole in my pocket, and I lost 89 cents.

Quote from Julius

Drew: Do we have to drink this?
Tonya: You don't have to do anything but stay ugly and die.
Julius: Yeah. We need to be on the safe side.
Tonya: It looks like Clay-Dough and grits.
Drew: Ugh! It tastes like Clay-Dough and grits.
Julius: It is Clay-Dough and grits. If you treat the mojo in the first 24 hours, you can stop it from taking hold.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back home, my dad's mojo recipes were laying eggs.
Julius: Honey, I've done everything I can, and things just keep getting worse. They've had over four glasses of the remedy each, and their temperature just keeps going up.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Maybe that's because Clay-Dough is not the stuffy-nose, runny-eyes, scratchy-throat and knock-you-out-so-you-can-sleep medicine.

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