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‘Everybody Hates Superstition’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Superstition

209. Everybody Hates Superstition

Aired November 27, 2006

Even though Chris isn't superstitious, he can't help but notice his luck changing when he borrows Julius's lucky pair of socks. Meanwhile, Drew and Tonya figure out a way to get what they want from their parents.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, my mother had another way of getting her point across.
Rochelle: The next time you ask me to do something after your father told you no, I'm going to pop the pores off your face, do you understand me?
Drew: Yes, ma'am.

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Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: I hope everyone is prepared for today's history quiz. And, Chris, I hope you weren't too busy taking care of all of your half-brothers and sisters to study.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had no idea what to say. Without my lucky socks and without studying I was in big, big trouble.
Chris: Um... Many people think that when you succeed against all odds it's by luck. Well, I don't believe in luck. At least not anymore. [clears throat] I mean, was- Was it lucky- Was it lucky when when Rocky beat Mr. T? No, he prepared for it. He prepared by beating Apollo Creed. So now who pities the fool? I mean, was it lucky when Indiana Jones saved those kids from the Temple of Doom? No, he prepared. He prepared by saving the world in Raiders of the Lost Ark. I mean, if you could save the whole world, it's not going to be too hard to save a couple of kids. Was it lucky when King Kong defeated those planes? No, 'cause he didn't defeat the planes. They shot his behind clear off the Empire State Building. Now if King Kong had spent some time learning how to fight some planes instead of chasing a White girl around, he would be alive to this very day. Many people believe that you can succeed against all odds. I don't believe that. I believe the odds are, that if you don't prepare, you won't succeed.
Ms. Morello: Yes! Yes! Yes! [applauase]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It turns out I didn't need lucky socks. All I needed was to listen to my father.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even before video, Drew learned the secret to being a good singer is to not sing at all.

Quote from Jerome

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't think my father's lucky socks would make a difference.
Jerome: Hey, little dude from across the street! I just hit the numbers. Want to hold a dollar?
Chris: Yeah. Thanks.
Jerome: That's all you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] They not only made a difference, they made a dollar.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Things were going so good, I almost felt White.
Ms. Morello: Chris, I bought you something. It's a copy of Roots 4: Kunta's Revenge. It's not even out yet.
Chris: Thanks.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Roots 4 was good, but my favorite was Roots 6: Hitler Strikes Back.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Some guys have all the luck, and today that guy was me.
Rochelle: Chris, how was your day, baby?
Chris: It was strange. It was, like, one of the greatest days of my life.
Julius: Why? What happened?
Chris: Nothing.
Drew: Nobody beat you up?
Chris: Nope.
Tonya: Nobody robbed you?
Chris: Nope.
Rochelle: Well, how was school?
Chris: It was good. I got a "B" on my math quiz. Starting to think these socks really are lucky.
Rochelle: Okay, Mr. Lucky Socks, go wash your hands. Dinner's ready.
Chris: What are we having?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My favorite meal was meat loaf, mashed potatoes and peach cobbler.
Rochelle: Meat loaf, mashed potatoes and peach cobbler.

Quote from Greg

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The next day, my socks were still holding up, and so was my luck.
Greg: Look, there's no such thing as lucky socks. That's like believing in four-leaf clovers, shooting stars or Michael Landon.
Chris: Well, how do you explain all this luck that's been happening to me?
Greg: It's probability. It's the number of times an event can happen divided by the total number of possible outcomes.

Quote from Julius

Drew: [sings tunelessly] Candy girl, you are my world...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Holy Ralph Tresvant!
Drew: You're so sweet...
Julius: Hey, man, what you doing?
Drew: Just getting ready for the school talent show. Oh, I'm going to need a suit.
Julius: You gonna make some money in that talent show? What you need a new suit for?
Drew: So I can pop my collar up while I'm performing.
Julius: You know how much a new suit costs? I'm not going to spend money on a suit just so you can break the collar. [scoffs] You want to pop something, pop open a pen, and fill out a job application. Then you can buy all the suits you want.

Quote from Tonya

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew's plan was simple: Act like this was the first time they had asked for what they wanted. Like the no's never happened.
Tonya: Hey, Daddy. Can I get pink carpet for my room?
Julius: What do you need carpet for?
Tonya: Because Billy Ocean has pink carpet, and you know how much I love Billy Ocean.
Julius: I'll tell you what. We'll go look for some pink carpet tomorrow.
Tonya: Thank you, Daddy.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] One down, one to go.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Without my lucky socks, I probably should have studied for that test. But that seemed a lot harder than finding more luck.
[fantasy: Chris is holding a rabbit outside a pet store:]
Chris: How much for just the foot?
[fantasy: Chris is chased out of an Irish pub by a short man:]
Man: [Irish accent] What the hell makes you think I'm a leprechaun? Let me go!
Chris: No!
[fantasy: Chris is next to a police horse that's been knocked down by a tractor]
Police Officer: Oh, Louise! I'm sorry!
Chris: Hey, man, can I have one of these horseshoes?

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] As a kid, I wasn't superstitious, but everybody in my family was. If my mother spilled salt, she would always throw some over her shoulder for good luck.
Julius: No!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's nine cents' worth of salt. Drew wouldn't walk under a ladder, no matter what.
Old Woman: Sonny! Help me! I've fallen and I can't get up!
Drew: You want me to help you, you're going to have to crawl from underneath this ladder first.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And Tonya believed that, if she stepped on a crack, she'd break my mother's back.
Tonya: No!
Rochelle: [groans and falls to the floor]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I wasn't superstitious, but I did believe in bad luck.

Quote from Tonya

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even though we were poor, it didn't stop us from asking for stuff.
Tonya: Mama, can I have pink carpet in my bedroom?
Rochelle: Pink carpet? What you need pink carpet for?
Tonya: Well, because Billy Ocean has pink carpet in his bedroom.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Along with a baby giraffe, a disco ball and three midgets.
Rochelle: Well, as soon as you get a hit record, you can have any color carpet you want.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But, just because we asked for stuff, it didn't mean we'd get it.

Quote from Drew

Drew: Hey, Mom, can I get a new suit for the school talent show?
Rochelle: Not unless your talent is wearing a suit.
Drew: But I'm performing "Candy Girl", by New Edition, and the whole school is going to be there.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew could do a lot of things, but my mother knew singing wasn't one of them.
Rochelle: Oh, well, that- That that's nice, baby.
Drew: So can I get a new suit? I don't want to look raggedy.
Rochelle: Raggedy? Oh, my baby is not going to look raggedy. When I finish this, we'll go shopping.
Drew: Okay. Thanks, Mom.
Rochelle: You're welcome, baby.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After my mother got rid of my socks I imagined whoever was wearing them was having a lot better luck than me.
[fantasy: Vanessa is playing a slot machine:]
Vanessa: [screams as it pays out]
[fantasy: Kill Moves is in line at an outdoor soup kitchen:]
Woman: We are all out of soup.
Kill Moves: Oh. You got any whiskey?
Woman: This is your lucky day.
Kill Moves: Sure glad y'all ran out of food.
[fantasy: a crying woman is next to a man in the middle of the road:]
Woman: My husband just died of a heart attack!
Mr. Omar: Tragic! Well, since he's dead, want to go out to dinner?
Woman: I could eat.

Quote from Julius

Rochelle: Your kids just played us against each other.
Julius: Ain't this about a...
Rochelle: Before you get mad, let's think about this for a minute. So whenever they ask us for something, let's come up with a system.
Julius: What kind of system?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This was their system.
[fantasy montage:]
Tonya: Daddy, can I have a Popsicle?
Julius: Go ask your mother.
Drew: Hey, Dad, can I have a dollar?
Julius: Go ask your mother.
Chris: [with a sword through his chest] Dad, can I go to the hospital?
Julius: Go ask your mother.

Quote from Julius

Chris: I lost your lucky socks.
Julius: Chris, those socks aren't lucky. If they were lucky, I'd still have my hair, I would have hit the number and I wouldn't still be wearing a pair of socks I had when I met your mother.
Chris: But I have a lot of big stuff going on in school tomorrow. I need those socks.
Julius: Chris, you need to make your own luck in this world. Success comes from opportunity and preparation.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And being White.
Julius: Do you think it was luck when Rocky beat Mr. T? Do you think the Ghostbusters were lucky when they saved New York from the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man? Do you think Godzilla was lucky when he beat Ghidrah the three-headed monster?
Chris: Mm, I don't know. I guess not.
Julius: That's right. Chris, the only thing lucky about those socks is that I couldn't find the matching pants. Now go find your own luck. You don't need those socks.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: But today we're going to do something a little differently. Instead of a written exam, it's going to be an oral exam. Chris, you're so very well-spoken. Why don't you go first? Come up here in front of the class.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't have my lucky socks, and now I needed a new pair of lucky underwear.
Chris: Well, what did you want me to talk about?
Ms. Morello: I want you to talk about people in history who have achieved their goals against all odds. Do you know what goals are, Chris?
Chris: Yeah.

Quote from Julius

Chris: Mom, I need some socks.
Rochelle: Julius, give Chris a pair of your socks, please.
Chris: These the only pair of socks you got?
Julius: Yeah. Besides, those are my lucky socks. I was wearing those socks the night I met your mother.
[flashback to 1970:]
Rochelle: Girl, he's cute, but look at those socks!

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I believed in good luck. I just never believed it could happen to me.
Chris: Man, I'm sorry. I forgot my bus pass.
Bus Driver: It's all right, man. I know you.
Chris: For real? Thanks.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] On the second bus, I got even luckier.
Darlene: Hi. I'm Darlene. What's your name?
Chris: I'm Chris.
Darlene: That's one of my favorite names.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's not even my favorite name.

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