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‘Everybody Hates the English Teacher’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates the English Teacher

404. Everybody Hates the English Teacher

Aired October 24, 2008

Chris talks his new English teacher into letting the class watch movies based on books instead of reading. Meanwhile, Julius's plan to raise Mr. Omar's rent backfires when he calls in the building inspector.

Quote from Drew

Drew: 21.
Mr. Omar: You hit on 17?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What Mr. Omar didn't know was that when it came to numbers, Drew was like my father.
[montage:]
Drew: Wow, that's 562,002 granules of sugar.
Drew: Wow, that's 357,000 raindrops.
Drew: Wow, that's one cupcake.

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Quote from Risky

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my father read his code violations, I decided to skip reading altogether.
Risky: All right. The Invisible Dog, The Invisible Mice, Shaft-- Oh. How did that get in there? All right. One Nation Invisible, Now You See 'Em, Now You Don't, Peek-a-boo-- That's cute. That's for kids. Hard To See... Oh, ah. The Invisible Man. Here you go.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After watching The Invisible Man, I managed to do in a few hours what it was taking Greg a few days to do.
Greg: So how do you like the book so far?
Chris: Oh, it was great. I already turned in my report.
Greg: Already turned it in? I'm only, like, halfway through the book. I've never seen you crank out a book report this fast.
Chris: I didn't read the book. I watched the movie.
Greg: Wait, what movie?
Chris: The Invisible Man. You know, the guy drinks the serum, disappears.
Greg: Dude, the movie The Invisible Man has absolutely nothing to do with the book Invisible Man. I don't know what you wrote, but whatever it is, you better hope Ms. Rivera doesn't read it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Too bad I didn't write that paper in invisible ink.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: Rochelle, it's not like you didn't have anything to do with it. Every time I turn around, you're quitting another job.
Rochelle: Since when?
Julius: Since whenever. I'm just saying, I hope you like being at the beauty salon, because if you find a job you really like, maybe I wouldn't have to keep two jobs.
Rochelle: Oh. Oh, oh, wait a minute. So you're saying that you think I use the fact that you have two jobs as a reason to quit a job?
Julius: I didn't say that.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But she did.
[flashbacks:]
Rochelle: I do not need this. My man has two jobs.
Rochelle: I don't need this, man! My man has two jobs!
Rochelle: I do not need this, okay? My man has two jobs.

Quote from Kill Moves

Monk: So what made you think of this anyway, Chris?
Chris: Oh, well, I remembered that Jaws was a book before a movie, so I figured they made a movie out of The Invisible Man.
Kill Moves: I wish they'd start making movies into books. Popcorn gettin' expensive.
Chris: Right. Um, you guys mind if I watch this in here? Yeah.
Risky: Yeah. Go right ahead, man.
Monk: So who's in it anyway?
Kill Moves: Probably Sidney Poitier. Or Jim Brown. My man.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Jim Brown was actually the second choice to Sydney Poitier for the lead in many roles, including Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.

Quote from Mr. Omar

Drew: Is that all you watch? The Munsters?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He watches The Addams Family too.
Mr. Omar: Hey, what's not to love? Lily? Now, that's a woman. Shame her husband's already dead.

Quote from Chris

Ms. Rivera: Chris, you're a good writer. That's why I gave you an incomplete. You're gonna have to read the book though. Why didn't you just do what I told you to do?
Chris: 'Cause, if we're writing about the same story, what difference does it make whether I saw the movie or read the book?
Ms. Rivera: Hey, I like movies too. In fact, one of my favorites is, uh, Rocky.
Chris: I love Rocky.
Ms. Rivera: "I'll wait for you here."
Chris: "How about I wait here and you fight, huh?"
Ms. Rivera: Do you remember "They call me Mr. Tibbs"?
Chris: In The Heat of The Night.
Ms. Rivera: "What's your prediction for the fight?"
Chris: "Pain."
Both: Rocky III.

Quote from Drew

Mr. Omar: Two jacks. I got 20.
Drew: I've got five. Hit me.
Tonya: That's eight.
Drew: Hit me.
Tonya: That's ten.
Drew: Hit me.
Tonya: That's fifteen.
Drew: Hit me.
Tonya: Nineteen.
Drew: Hit me.
Mr. Omar: Are there any face cards in the deck?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You'll see.
Tonya: That's 20.
Drew: Hit me.
Tonya: Another ace?
Drew: [laughs] Twenty-one.
Mr. Omar: Tragic. Tragic!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mr. Omar would like to hit him one more time.
Drew: [holding the cash to Mr. Omar's nose] Smell good?

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: What is going on here?
Ms. Rivera: Ms. Morello, instead of writing reports about books like we usually do, I thought I would switch it up by watching movies based on books, and write about those.
Ms. Morello: Ms. Rivera, I don't know what they do in Puerto Rico, but changing curriculum is unacceptable. I hope you realize this is a very serious offense. You could lose your job. Comprende?
Ms. Rivera: I'm sorry. I didn't know.
Ms. Morello: Dios mio! Where would you get such a ridiculous idea?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't think Ms. Rivera had heat vision, but I turned away to protect my eyes just in case.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Ms. Rivera took my idea to watch movies in class and ended up getting the book thrown at her.
Chris: I hope she doesn't get into too much trouble. I like Ms. Rivera.
Greg: You know, I knew this was gonna happen. This is why I'm a conformist.
Chris: I don't see what the big deal is. The idea is for us to learn. Who cares how we do it?
Ms. Morello: There he is. He's the one that inspired it all.
Chris: Inspired all of what?
Ms. Morello: Well, when I spoke to the superintendent about what was going on in class, I thought we would fire Ms. Rivera immediately and have her deported, but it turns out... she's an American citizen.

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