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‘Everybody Hates Drew’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Drew

119. Everybody Hates Drew

Aired April 20, 2006

Fed up with Drew being better at everything, Chris takes karate lessons and learns a dangerous move. Meanwhile, Rochelle takes Tonya to the beauty salon, where she enjoys listening to Vanessa (Jackée Harry) gossip.

Quote from Julius

Julius: Baby, what happened?
Tonya: Mama burned me with the hot comb again.
Julius: Oh, let Daddy see. Ooh! Rochelle, that looks bad.
Rochelle: Ah, she'll live. I don't think it'll make a scar.
Julius: Yeah, but that's 18 cents worth of butter she's holding on her forehead.

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Quote from Rochelle

Julius: She's ten years old. Why I got to spend money getting her hair done?
Rochelle: She's tender-headed, she moves around too much, and she keeps getting burned. And I'm sick of this. So, either you pay to get it done, or you do it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If my father didn't want to do something, my mother got to decide how it would get done.
[flashback to the kitchen:]
Julius: Why you cooking biscuits and ribs for breakfast?
Rochelle: You gonna do it?
Julius: Go ahead.
[flashback to the bathroom:]
Julius: Why are you cleaning the tub with a broom?
Rochelle: Are you gonna do it?
Julius: Go ahead.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even though it was an accident, after breaking Drew's hand, I fell horrible.
Rochelle: I'm gone for ten minutes, and y'all are breaking bones. I knew that karate class wasn't a good idea.
Julius: Rochelle, it was an accident, just boys being boys.
Rochelle: Do you even know what they're teaching Chris down there? Where were you when this happened?
Julius: Asleep.
Rochelle: Mm.
Julius: What's that supposed to mean?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] "Mm" means she's gonna blame him for the rest of his life.
[flash-forward to 2028:]
Rochelle: Asleep again, huh? That's how Chris broke Drew's hand.
Julius: Rochelle, that was 45 years ago.
Rochelle: Mmm-hmm.
[present:]
Julius: Don't worry about it. I'll deal with it. I'll go down there tomorrow.
Rochelle: Mmm-hmm.

Quote from Drew

Chris: Hey, you need any help with anything? I could tie your shoe.
Drew: Nah, I got it. I can tie it with one hand.
Chris: Okay, um I could write out your homework.
Drew: No, I'm fine. I never wrote with my left hand before, but it turns out, I'm really good at it.
Drew: Want to see something else I could do? [does push-ups] I always thought I needed two hands to do this.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had to face facts. Drew could do more with one arm than I could do with five.
Drew: Want to sit on my back?

Quote from Tonya

Tonya: Daddy, do you have a girlfriend?
Julius: What?!
Rochelle: Well?
Julius: No! Why would you ask me a question like that, baby?
Tonya: 'Cause men ain't no good.
Julius: Where did you hear that?
Tonya: At the beauty shop.

Quote from Vanessa

Vanessa: Now he's staying with Lisa.
Pam: Light-skinned Lisa?
Vanessa: Bow-legged Lisa.
Rochelle: Wait a minute. I thought Lisa was with Darius.
Vanessa: She was, until Darius caught her with his brother.
Rochelle: The one with no job?
Vanessa: Yeah, yeah, him, yeah, and he married, too. A wife, a girlfriend, and no job. You know these men, they just ain't no good.
Rochelle: They ain't no good.
Pam: Get out of here.
Vanessa: Oh, I'd throw the hot grits.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Tonya never listened to my mother until she heard something she wasn't supposed to.

Quote from Vanessa

Tonya: So is Richard still cheating?
Vanessa: Is the Pope still Catholic?
Pam: Vanessa!
Vanessa: Oh, I'm sorry, it's a reflex.

Quote from Tonya

Vanessa: Tonya, I don't think that we should be talking about Richard.
Tonya: Why not?
Vanessa: Because that's grown folks' business.
Tonya: Oh, is that why my mom and dad got in an argument?
Pam: Uh... Uh... An argument?
Vanessa: About what?
Tonya: Well, I asked my daddy if he had a girlfriend, and he said, "Why?" And then my mama said, "Well, do you?" And then he asked me why I asked him that, and then...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Although my mother told the girls not to gossip to Tonya, she didn't say anything about Tonya gossiping to them.

Quote from Drew

Chris: I tried to break your arm on purpose.
Drew: How come?
Chris: 'Cause I'm tired of you being better than me at everything.
Drew: What are you talking about? I bet you're better than me at some stuff.
Chris: Like what?
Drew: I don't know.
Chris: Uh-huh.
Drew: But you're still my big brother.
Chris: Yeah, but you're bigger than I am.
Drew: Yeah, but every time Mom and Dad leave the house, they always put you in charge. I wish I could be in charge.
Chris: That's just a lot of work.
Drew: So? Plus, you get to go to school all the way in Brooklyn Beach. I wish I could ride the bus to school every day.
Chris: You do?
Drew: Yeah! That's so cool. Everybody in my class is always asking me what it's like at your school. You're the coolest big brother out of all my friends.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It never occurred to me that even though Drew was bigger and cooler, and better with girls, the coolest thing to him was that he had me.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even though I was the oldest, I never felt like Drew's big brother. People expect a big brother to be better at everything. Dominique Wilkins was the Human Highlight Show. And Gerald Wilkins watched a lot of film. Bill Clinton was the President of the United States. But Roger Clinton needed a presidential pardon. But with me and Drew, it seemed like no matter what we did, he always came out on top.
Kid #1: I'll take Drew.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He was better at sports. He was better with girls.
Pair of Girls #1: Hi, Drew.
Pair of Girls #2: Hi, Drew.
Old Woman: Hi, Chris.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She's kind of cute. He looked older.
Drew: Two for Scarface.
Ticket Seller: You can go. But your little brother's gonna have to see something else.
Chris: But I'm older than him.
Ticket Seller: You want to see a movie, or don't you?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I actually went to see Mr. Mom that day. It was pretty good. But worst of all, he was a better big brother than me.
[As a bunch of boys play keep away with Tonya's doll:]
Tonya: I'm gonna get my big brother on you. Chris! Go get Drew!

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