Chris: Greg, get up. I mean, I know getting kicked out of the Bronx Academy sucked, but things can work out.
Greg: Yeah, it's easy for you to say. You're not the one with the miserable life.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What show have you been on for the last three years?

Ms. Morello: Chris I'd like you to meet Jenise.
Jenise Huckstable: Hi. I just transferred in.
Ms. Morello: Jenise doesn't have a date for the dance, and since all the other Black men are taken...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] By White women.
Ms. Morello: I thought you two might go together. Well, anyway, I'll let Chris lay his rap on you. Peace. I'm Audi 5000.

Chris: Greg, I'm getting tired of your complaining. I've been getting knocked down for years and you don't see me whining. I just get up and dust myself off.
Greg: Of course you do, you're Black. You overcame slavery, lynchings and racism. You know how to deal with suffering. I'm a White guy, I'm supposed to have it easy.
Chris: Greg, right now, I'm standing up the most perfect girl in the world. Her family is amazing. They clapped when I entered. They laughed at everything I said. They gave me sweet potato pops. They even gave me this sweater. This sweater cost more than our car. Her parents are a lawyer and a doctor. Last time I saw a lawyer and a doctor together was when my uncle went to the hospital for a routine checkup and came out dead. So if you don't get your harmonica-playing, hole-in-the-sock-wearing, woe-is-me, I-should-have- everything-easy behind up, I'm gonna smack the cracker out of you.
Greg: Oh, man, the dance. You missed your date with Jenise to come and find me?
Chris: Don't sweat it. You would have done the same thing for me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When the situation came up years later, he didn't.

Dr. Clint Huckstable: What kind of parent would raise a boy that would make my future lawyer-daughter cry with all the tears?
Rochelle: Now hold on. If you're such a good parent, how come your retarded daughter flunked out of private school and had to go to Tatta-Tatta-Tattaglia public school?
Dr. Clint Huckstable: The point is...
Rochelle: You better say the right thing, because I swear I will slap the sweet potato pop out of you.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While Greg looked for acceptance, Doc looked for business.
Drew: Is all this stuff past the expiration date?
Doc: Yeah. I remember back when I couldn't keep a shelf stocked. I can't figure out why people don't come in here no more.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because you don't sell crack.
Drew: Could be because there's a negative flow of energy.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Or because you don't sell crack.
Doc: What you talking about?
Drew: Feng shui. It's the Chinese practice of achieving harmony in one's environment through the placement of objects. I think feng shui is the reason Mr. Fong's restaurant is always so packed.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And because Mr. Fong sells crack.
Doc: Feng shui, huh? I thought I was gonna have to sell crack. Eh, what the hay. Do your thing.

Jenise Huckstable: So do you want to go?
Chris: Sure. I just don't want you to feel like you have to go 'cause she set you up.
Jenise Huckstable: No, it's cool. All you have to do is come by so my parents can meet you. If they like you, we can go.
Chris: That's cool.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That will go great, because we all know... Everybody loves me.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Drew learned you can't teach an old Doc new tricks.
Drew: Doc, what happened?
Doc: I couldn't figure out why Chinese people put hot sauce next to peanut butter.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And your fortune inside a cookie.
Doc: So I changed everything back. Money won't do me any good if I go crazy before I try to spend it. So I said "Sayonara" to feng shui.
Drew: Sayonara isn't Chinese. It's Japanese. Hey, I just read this thing about this new Japanese food called "sushi." It's supposed to be the next big thing in America. Maybe we could sell it here.
Doc: Sushi?
Drew: Yeah, it's like raw fish wrapped in seaweed and rice.
Doc: That sounds as good as hamburger made out of turkey.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Do I have to tell you Doc went broke?

[Joey Caruso dumps a bowl of pudding onto Chris's shirt as he walks by]
Chris: What's your problem?
Joey Caruso: Oops. Sorry. I forgot to say, "Here, catch." Well, at least it's chocolate. It'll blend in.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I hope her family likes chocolate.

Dr. Clint Huckstable: [as Bill Cosby] What is all of this ringing of the bells while I am eating the sweet potato pop? Mmm. [opens the door to Chris] Son, the homeless shelter's around the corner.
Chris: No, I'm not homeless. I'm Chris. I'm taking Jenise to the Homecoming Dance this week at Tattaglia.
Dr. Clint Huckstable: In that? Jenise Huckstable. Downstairs. Now. Come in, son.
Jenise Huckstable: Oh, no. Chris, what happened?
Chris: After we met in the hallway, this kid hit me with a bowl of pudding.
Jenise Huckstable: Here, come sit down.
Dr. Clint Huckstable: [mumbling] No, no, no. Don't sit down. [places a newspaper on the couch] Just in case that's not pudding.

Chris: Anyway, all she said was that I had to meet her parents, and if they say it's okay, then we can go.
Rochelle: What? Wait a minute, now. Who are they to be checking out my son? I should be checking out their daughter. Who knows what kind of floozy she might be?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'd like to find out.
Rochelle: Since you're going for an inspection, make sure you make a good impression.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If I could do impressions, I'd still be on Saturday Night Live.