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‘Everybody Hates the Class President’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates the Class President

202. Everybody Hates the Class President

Aired October 8, 2006

As he starts another year at Corleone, Chris wants some respect so he decides to run for class president. Meanwhile, Julius is told to minimize his stress, and Tonya wants to learn how to dance like Billy Ocean.

Quote from Greg

Chris: I want you to run with me. I want you to be my vice president.
Greg: No.
Chris: Yeah.
Greg: Oh, man. This is great. I can work behind the scenes. I can influence the judiciary committee. I can confer with the joint chiefs. Create policy!
Chris: Greg, it's the eighth grade.
Greg: I know, but this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That was until he met Seven of Nine at a Trekkie convention.

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Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Baby, what do you have to be stressed out about? You have a beautiful wife, two good jobs, and three wonderful kids, a nice home in Bed-Stuy... [chuckles] You're stressed? I mean, I'm the one who should be stressed. I mean, I got to deal with a house in the ghetto, three crazy kids, a man that's never home, and now I got to deal with you and this high blood pressure. [scoffing] You- You're stressed.

Quote from Tonya

Adult Chris: [v.o.] In 1984, Michael Jackson became the biggest star on Earth, but to my sister Tonya, he couldn't hold a candle to Billy Ocean.
Drew: What are you doing?
Tonya: I'm learning the steps from "Caribbean Queen."
Drew: There are no steps to "Caribbean Queen."
Tonya: Yes, there are. First he does like this, then he does like this, then he does like this, and then he does this, and he finishes off with this. He also does the moonwalk, but I don't know how to do that yet.
Drew: Billy Ocean doesn't moonwalk. That's Michael Jackson's move.
Tonya: Where do you think Michael got it from?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Peg Leg Bates.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: [on the phone] Yes, that's one bedroom at $425 a month. Rochelle with two "L"s. All right, thank you.
Julius: Where are you going?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The biggest change for my mother was that she decided to do something she hadn't done in years, keep a job. Normally, she would do this.
[flashback to Rochelle directing traffic:]
Rochelle: [whistle blows] Come on! Let's go! Move this ugly car out the way! Hey...! What in the hell are you doing?! I don't need this mess! My man has two jobs! Two!

Quote from Greg

Chris: I don't want to run without you, and together, we can't win.
Greg: Who cares? Run with DiPaolo. Let me be your campaign manager.
Chris: Campaign manager?
Greg: Yeah. We can do this. I'll manipulate the press corps. I'll contact the foreign media outlets.
Chris: Greg? It's the eighth grade.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Okay, Mr. I'm Good... Well, what are we supposed to do to reduce your stress?
Julius: Well, the doctor says I'm supposed to participate in some stress-reducing activities, like golf.
Rochelle: Golfing. Where are you going to golf?
Julius: Fishing.
Rochelle: Where you gonna fish, in Lake Brooklyn?
Julius: Hiking.
Rochelle: [chuckles] Come on, man, where you going, Mount Vernon?
Julius: Hammocking.
Rochelle: Hammock? Where are you going to buy a hammock?
Julius: Regular massages.
Rochelle: Oh, you ain't getting a massage by nobody. You better price some hammocks. [scoffs] Stressed. [muttering] Now I got to deal with this...

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: I know you're having a tough time getting on that ballot, but I think you have a real chance at becoming class president if you really want it.
Chris: What do you mean?
Ms. Morello: You need to rise above your ghetto mentality.
Chris: Ghetto mentality? I don't have a ghetto mentality.
Ms. Morello: You do, Chris. A psychological ghetto. You won't get supporters because you don't get out of your comfort zone. I'm sure all your athlete and dancer friends have signed on, but what now? You need to reach out, broaden your appeal.
Chris: And how am I supposed to do that?
Ms. Morello: I don't know. But I'm confident you'll figure it out. And remember, Chris: Up with hope, down with dope.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] We had tried renting out the apartment upstairs before, but every time we did, we had a problem. One lady had a crazy dog.
Chris: No, no! No, no! [barking] Ms. Parnell! No! No! No, n-n-n-n-no! [screams] Aah...!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Then we had Levi the weed guy.
Julius: Levi! [reggae music plays]
Levi: What-a want?
Julius: You got to leave.
Levi: What's wrong, man?
Julius: My kids are high.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The Fong family tried to turn the apartment into a Chinese restaurant.
Julius: Mr. Fong! Mr. Fong, what is this?!
Mr. Fong: [speaks Chinese]
Julius: Man, I'm not getting to the back of the line. Man, you got to shut this down and get the hell out of here. And give me a number six.
Mr. Fong: Number six. Ooh, very good. [yells in Chinese]
Julius: [to a customer] What you getting?

Quote from Tonya

Tonya: Can you teach me to moonwalk? I can't get it.
Drew: Why do you like Billy Ocean so much, anyway?
Tonya: Because, he's the greatest entertainer in history.
Drew: He's not better than Michael Jackson.
Tonya: Shoot, he's way better than Michael Jackson. I bet you in the future, 20 years from now, nobody's going to remember who Michael Jackson is.
Drew: That's why I'm not going to teach you how to do the Michael Jackson moonwalk.
Tonya: It's the Billy Ocean moonwalk. Michael Jackson stole it.
Drew: Fine. Have it your way.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: Stop it. Okay? I got high blood pressure. What do you want me to do?
Rochelle: I don't know, Julius; what do you want me to do?
Julius: I don't know, but you running around not talking to me and making me wear dirty clothes and letting me eat by myself ain't helping a thing. [sighs] I don't need you to be mad at me.
Rochelle: I was just trying to help you out.
Julius: I know. I'm sorry. Look, from now on, I'll try to relax. I'll try to eat better.
Rochelle: Julius, if you are not in this house, this place will fall apart. And then, the next thing you know, our kids will wind up in the streets. Drew may wind up in jail, then I'm going to lose my job going to his court cases. And you know I'm going to do what I have to do to make ends meet. And if you think I'm going to jail for welfare fraud, you got another thing coming.

Quote from Greg

Chris: I'm going to drop out. I didn't know it would be like this. I didn't know it would be this hard.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't want to win an election and lose a friend.
Greg: No, you have to stay in.
Chris: What for?
Greg: "What for?" Because you're not just doing this for yourself, you're doing it for us. You said it yourself. You're tired of us being pushed around. You're tired of people always making fun of us. Remember? You're not going to take it anymore. That's what you said.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Later that year, Oprah ran into Greg at Kmart. He gave her the same speech, and the rest is history.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After another checkup, my father was trying to get my mother to let up, but the pressure was on.
Julius: Chris, pass the salt.
Rochelle: What, are you trying to kill yourself?
Julius: [sighs] Where's the skin?
Rochelle: Baby, I had to take it off.
Julius: You just gonna give me naked chicken? How you supposed to be reducing my stress, by starving me? Now I'm worried about being hungry. You're worried about everybody else stressing me out; you're stressing me out.
Rochelle: What? I'm stressing you out? I'm bending over backwards trying to make things easy for you and I'm stressing you out. Okay. Fine.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That face means "What did I say that for?"
Rochelle: You know what? You can eat what you want to eat, do what you want to do. You don't have to worry about me stressing you out anymore. [pots clanging]
Julius: [to Drew] You gonna eat that skin?

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: So, yes, Julius, we really, really need to think about this. We need to know what we got to do.
Julius: We'll do what we always do: deal with it. I love you. [Rochelle sighs] We'll make it work.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father never did change his diet. He didn't do yoga, never took up golfing, didn't even get a hammock. What he did was find one of the cheapest, medically approved ways of reducing stress: earplugs.
Julius: I love you so much, baby. Can I get that massage, now?
Rochelle: You want a six-iron upside your head?

Quote from Tonya

Rochelle: What's wrong, baby?
Tonya: I did it, I got it!
Julius: What?
Tonya: I can dance like Billy Ocean. I can do the moonwalk.
Julius: Billy Ocean? I thought Michael Jackson did the moonwalk.
Tonya: Michael Jackson stole it.

Quote from Jerome

Adult Chris: [v.o.] At 14, I decided I wasn't gonna just let things happen to me like they did before. I was going to get some dignity. I was going to take charge.
Jerome: Hey...! Little dude from across the street.
Chris: I know, I know. You want a dollar.
Jerome: Thanks, little dude.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I know what you're thinking, I just got robbed. But he didn't steal that money from me, I gave it to him.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: Whoo. All right. Now this is what I'm talking about.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He's talking about a heart attack.
Julius: Thank you, baby. Pork chops, steak, fried chicken, gravy, mac and cheese... this is how to relax. Mmm.
Mmm! Mmm.
[As Julius eats, Rochelle gets up and walks over to his side of the table. She puts down a telephone and a writing pad on which she writes "911"]
Julius: What's that for?
Rochelle: If you feel like you're about to keel over and die, you can call the hospital for help, 'cause I don't want to stress you out. [sucks teeth] Enjoy.

Quote from Joey Caruso

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even at school, I was determined to take on a new attitude.
Joey Caruso: Welcome back, Boom Boom. I guess your dreams weren't your ticket out.

Quote from Greg

Greg: Chris!
Adult Chris: A lot of bad things happened to me at Corleone, but the one good thing was becoming friends with Greg.
Chris: Hey, man, what you been up to?
Greg: Same old, same old. Feels like last year all over again.
Chris: I'm tired of being pushed around. I'm tired of people making fun of me. I'm tired of getting my butt kicked. I'm not gonna take it anymore.
Greg: Wow. Are you a Muslim now?
Chris: No.

Quote from Chris

Greg: What are you gonna do?
Chris: I'm gonna run for class president.
Greg: Dude, you're not serious.
Chris: Why not? What have I got to lose? And this isn't just for me. This is for us. How are we ever going to get any respect? Get popular? Get a girl? Stop getting beat down? How are we ever gonna get treated any better if we don't act like we deserve it? Besides, give me one good reason why I shouldn't run.
[fantasy: Chris steps up to a podium surrounded by two Secret Service agents and gets shot by a sniper]
Chris: Give me one more reason.

Quote from Chris

Greg: The question is: Where are we going to get 30 signatures?
Chris: Simple. From guys like us.
Greg: You mean geeks.
Chris: Yeah.

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