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Everybody Hates Gretzky

‘Everybody Hates Gretzky’

Season 3, Episode 15 -  Aired March 30, 2008

Chris joins Drew when he cuts school to try get Wayne Gretzky's autograph.

Quote from Drew

Old Man Willie: Hey, break it up! Break it up! What's wrong with you two guys?
Chris: He got us lost.
Drew: Nobody asked your stupid butt to come anyway!
Old Man Willie: Where are you heading to?
Drew: The Long Island Wilmont Hotel. I wanna meet Wayne Gretzky and get his autograph.
Old Man Willie: You mean "The Great One"? Number 99?
Drew: Yeah, you're a hockey fan?
Old Man Willie: Oh, I love it. We must be the only three Black hockey fans in New York.
Chris: Uh, I'm not a hockey fan.
Old Man Willie: Well, I guess it's just us then. And the few guys playing in the NHL.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What?
Chris: Wait, there are Black hockey players?
Old Man Willie: Oh, yeah. Willie O'Ree was the first. Played with the Boston Bruins. And now they've got Grant Fuhr. He plays with Gretzky. He's a goalie.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Which technically makes him a target.


Quote from Drew

Drew: Do you know how to get to Long Island from here?
Old Man Willie: No, but I'll ask this gentleman here. Excuse me, sir? Would you happen to know the directions to Long Island?
Kevin Weekes: Yeah. You're gonna take that bus over there to the Seven Line.
Drew: Seven Line.
Kevin Weekes: And then you're gonna take that to Flushing...
Chris: Flushing, stupid!
Kevin Weekes: ...and you're gonna take the Long Island Railroad to Westbury.
Both: Westbury.
Drew: Thank you, sir.
Kevin Weekes: You're welcome.
Chris: By the way, I'm Drew and this is my brother, Chris.
Old Man Willie: Hi, I'm Willie O'Ree. Pleasure.
Drew: [gasps] Nice to meet you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When Willie scored three goals they didn't call it the hat trick. They call it the Black trick.

Quote from Tonya

Julius: Where you been?
Tonya: Upstairs in Chris and Drew's room looking for clues.
Julius: Great idea. What'd you find?
Tonya: Well, I found firecrackers, smoke balls, Chris's old test, looks like he got an "F" - maybe we should do something about that - Mommy's Turtles, feels like they ate half of the box, and Playpen magazine. You know they have naked women in here, right?

Quote from Risky

Risky: Chris and Drew are missing? No, I haven't seen them, but I think I can help you. For just 17 cents a day, you can adopt one of these African children. And the best part is they don't live with you.
Tonya: Ooh, can we take Ubingi? He's so cute.
Julius: Not for 17 cents a day.

Quote from Monk

Monk: Missing, huh? It sounds to me like they're caught behind enemy lines. Don't worry. This is nothing a recon mission can't fix.
[Rochelle gasps as Monk cocks a gun and then pulls out a tray of armaments.]
Monk: Right. Take that. Here you go. All right, let's go. Come on. Let's go.
[Monk hands Tonya a machine gun and picks up a rocket launcher]
Julius: Hey, wait, wait! Hey, hey, boys! I think I see 'em after all. There we go. Let's leave the nice man alone. Thank you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We could use him in Iraq.

Quote from Kill Moves

Kill Moves: Chris and Drew are missing? Let me see what I can do. [picks up a cardboard box] One Adam-12, One Adam-12, be on the lookout for Chris and Drew. Be on the lookout for Chris and Drew. Shouldn't be much longer.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yeah, until they come and take you away.

Quote from Julius

Julius: Are you really going to call the police?
Rochelle: Yes.
Julius: The New York City Police?
Rochelle: Yes.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father knew that if you called the cops from Bed-Stuy, this is what happens.
Desk Sergeant: [answers phone] Precinct.
Rochelle: Hello. I- I would like to report two missing children.
Desk Sergeant: Okay. Are they Black or White?
Rochelle: Black.
Desk Sergeant: You have the wrong number.

Quote from Drew

Black Bodyguard: Gritzky?
Julius: Yeah. My dad bought it for me. Hockey's not too popular where we're from.
Black Bodyguard: [sighs] Where is that?
Chris: Here in New York. Bed-Stuy.
Black Bodyguard: Hey, I'm from Bed-Stuy. Let me guess. Did your dad get that jersey from Risky?
Drew: You know Risky?
Black Bodyguard: Yeah, he sold me a Darryl Raspberry jersey.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had Dr. K.
Black Bodyguard: [chuckles] I haven't see him in years.
Chris: So, you think my brother can get an autograph from Mr. Gretzky?
Black Bodyguard: Hey, sorry, kids. He's not even here. He has some business to take care of in the city.
Chris: Well, when do you think he'll be back?
Black Bodyguard: I don't know. A couple hours, I guess.
Chris: A couple hours? That's not too bad. Thanks.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] By 5:00, my parents had run out of places to look for us, but there was only one thing left to do.
Rochelle: [on the phone] Yes, hello! I'd like to report two missing boys.
Desk Sergeant: Can you describe them, please?
Rochelle: They're White. [knocking on door]
Desk Sergeant: Just a minute, ma'am.
Rochelle: Okay, hold-hold on. [opens door]
Police Officer: Ma'am, you reported two missing White boys?
Rochelle: Damn!

Quote from Drew

Chris: This is going to be bad.
Drew: Oh, yeah.
Chris: The worst part is, you didn't even get a chance to meet Gretzky.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Or Gritzky for that matter.
Drew: It's okay. It was still one of the best days of my life.
Chris: Why, 'cause you got the jersey?
Drew: No. Thanks for taking care of me, Chris. I'm glad you were there.
Chris: Me, too.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The best part of hanging out with Drew that day was for the first time I didn't see him as my little brother I was responsible for. I saw him as something more: a friend.
Chris: Ready?
Drew: Ready.

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