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‘Everybody Hates Earth Day’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Earth Day

318. Everybody Hates Earth Day

Aired April 20, 2008

Chris asks Julius to help him collect cans for an Earth Day project. After Tonya gets in trouble for yelling at a classmate, Rochelle agrees to tone down her shouting.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I had my father on my side, my mother was going to get a teacher off of Tonya's back.
Rochelle: I don't see why I have to take a whole day off of work, to come down here for this nonsense.
Mrs. Wilson: I don't think it's nonsense. Tonya was exhibiting some aggressive behavior toward a classmate. I just wanted you to be aware of it.
Tonya: I was just trying to read, and she wouldn't be quiet.
Rochelle: Girl, you interrupt me again, I'm going to knock the sound out of your mouth.

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Quote from Tonya

Julius: What happened?
Tonya: I was trying to study and this girl kept talking so I told her: [in Rochelle's voice]: "If you don't shut up, I'm going to slap the chatter out of you." And she left me alone.
Drew: Wow, you sound just like mom.
Rochelle: No, she doesn't.
Julius: She does. I mean, just a little.

Quote from Vanessa

Vanessa: I help the environment by wearing wigs. People put a whole lot of chemicals in their hair. Then they wash it out. It goes right into the river. People got to drink that water. When you done with a wig, just flush it down the toilet. If it ends up in your glass, well, at least you can see it.

Quote from Greg

Greg: While I was making my tanning bed, I accidentally invented an incandescent light bulb that won't burn out for 600 years.
Chris: That's amazing. Then you'll definitely get an "A."
Greg: I can't turn that in.
Chris: Why not?
Greg: Are you crazy? I'd be a marked man. I'm not taking down every major power company in the nation. They'd have me killed in a minute. So I decided to switch projects. I'm going with a dung-powered radar system.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] US patent #D349127.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: So this means that I'm going to go back to yelling at everybody.
Tonya: Because you love us?
Rochelle: Exactly.
Tonya: So I can yell at you, too?
Rochelle: Mmm, if you want the fillings knocked out of your face, go right ahead.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: So, Chris, tell us about your Earth Day project.
Chris: Oh, well, me and my dad collected a truckful of cans.
Ms. Morello: Chris, that's wonderful.
Chris: And I gave the money to somebody less fortunate. I mean, there's no reason to save the Earth if you can't save the people.
Ms. Morello: Oh, Chris, that's so profound. Other than the fact that you can see, Stevie Wonder's got nothing on you.

Quote from Michael

Michael: I use "I Can't Believe This Is Not Margarine." It tastes real great. Plus it has paudridridamadra-hydraglycerin. That saves cows.

Quote from Mr. Omar

Mr. Omar: If the Earth died, that would be tragic, but I sure like to sell that coffin.

Quote from Kill Moves

Ms. Morello: I know in my heart, that money is somehow going to help us all.
[elsewhere:]
Doc: So we have 13 Styrofoam ice chests, four cans of aerosol spray paint, one pack of cigarettes, a gallon of whisky and one container of "I Can't Believe It's Not Margarine." Would that be paper or plastic?
Kill Moves: Plastic.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Happy Earth Day.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Listen to this: "Dear Parent, Your daughter Tonya has been cited for a conduct violation, and your presence is being requested for a conference."
Julius: What kind of conduct violation?
Tonya: She said I was being rude and belligerent.
Rochelle: Ain't no damn body rude and belligerent. I'm going to go down there and show them what rude and belligerent is.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No kidding.
Rochelle: Rude and belligerent.

Quote from Doc

Doc: If you want to save the Earth, you better figure out what to do about them Russians. They got bombs. My whole family worked in the fields. I hate fields. I love concrete. You can't grow cotton on concrete.

Quote from Manny

Manny: I help the environment by driving as much as I can. You ever ride that train? That train is filthy, man. You know it's dirty as hell when rats got footies on. You want to save this planet? Get rid of them trains. Get rid of them trains.

Quote from Kill Moves

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since my dad wouldn't help me, I had no choice but to collect a few cans on my own. Unfortunately, you could turn in cans for money, and every bum in Bed-Stuy knew it. They may be bums, but they're not lazy bums.
Kill Moves: [in a trash can] Hey, Chris.
Chris: What are you doing in there?
Kill Moves: Collecting cans. Turn in enough, get a lot of cash, plus, it's good for the environment. What are you doing, soldier?
Chris: I'm trying to collect cans, too. It's for my Earth Day project.
Kill Moves: Want to collect cans around here? You got to be quick.
Chris: Yeah, I guess so.
[After Chris and Kill Moves both see a man throw a can away, Chris runs across the street to the other trash can]
Kill Moves: [in the trash can] Got to be quicker than that.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And not mind sitting in garbage.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Having my father help me with my Earth Day project seemed like a great idea until he found out about it.
Julius: Earth Day?
Drew: It's the day we try to save the Earth. I have a project to do, too.
Julius: Well, Earth Day must not be too important if I still got to go to work. Are the banks closed? You still got to feed the parking meters.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: So, Tonya, I know you heard me scream yesterday.
Tonya: Yeah, are you sorry?
Rochelle: No, I'm not sorry and I'll tell you why. You can only talk that way to someone when you love them. But you have to be nice to the people that you don't know.
Tonya: But that doesn't make any sense.
Rochelle: No, it doesn't make any sense, but it so happens to be true.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Like when Bush got reelected.
Tonya: How can it be true if it doesn't make any sense?
Rochelle: Because that's just the way the truth is.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Every school year, there were always days when students had to do special assignments.
Ms. Morello: Good morning, everybody.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Some were easy, like Thanksgiving.
Ms. Morello: Your assignment is to write a report about what you're thankful for.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And Martin Luther King Day.
Ms. Morello: Your assignment is to report about what you would dream about if you were about to be shot.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Some were a lot harder.
Ms. Morello: This week is my favorite holiday: Earth Day. Or, as you would say, Chris, Earf Day.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you live on Earth, isn't every day Earth Day?

Quote from Adult Chris

Chris: What's Earth Day?
Ms. Morello: Well, Chris, people are destroying the planet with things like plastic bags and cans, bottles, and indestructible foodstuffs. On Earth Day, we put forth our best efforts to save the planet.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought saving the planet was a waste of time, because I was too busy trying to save me. I tried saving my face. [Chris being punched] I tried saving my ass. [Chris being chased] I even tried saving my future kid's ass. [Chris putting a textbook in front of his crotch as Caruso goes to kick him] To this day, I love geography.

Quote from Greg

Ms. Morello: Your assignment is to do something you think will help save the Earth. [Greg raises his hand] Greg?
Greg: You mean something like building a solar-powered tanning bed?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Isn't that what the beach is?
Ms. Morello: That's very good, Greg.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Julius, your son is trying to save the Earth. Are you going to help him or not?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father had been asked that question before, and there was only one right answer, whether it was something minor...
[flashback:]
Rochelle: Are you going to do the dishes or not?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Or something major.
[flashback:]
Rochelle: Are you going to propose to me or not?
Julius: [takes someone else's ring] Here you go, baby.
Rochelle: Oh! Thank you. [kisses Julius] See?

Quote from Julius

Julius: What are you doing, boy?
Drew: I have to build a car out of this piece of wood.
Julius: I want to know what you're doing with my potatoes.
Drew: That's how I'm going to power it. It's environmentally friendly.
Julius: You wasting my potatoes is butt-whipping friendly.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Wait till he finds out Drew is making the engine out of steak.

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