Everybody Hates Chris Quote of the Day

Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: Hey, man. I thought you were asleep.
Chris: I'm sorry I ate the big piece of chicken.
Julius: That was 89 cents worth of chicken. What? You didn't get enough to eat at school?
Chris: I was still hungry.
Julius: Now I'm still hungry. Look, next time, eat a little some extra breakfast, okay?
Chris: Okay.
Julius: Here. [hands Chris a note] Now, don't go pulling this money out. Somebody'll try to rob you. Don't tell your mother about this.

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Recent Quotes

Monday, May 20, 2024

Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates Caruso

Bernard Yao: I'm failing math. I got work to do. I don't have time for this.
Chris: Wait, you're not good at math?
Bernard Yao: What, just because I'm Asian, I have to be good in math? You're Black, can you moonwalk?
Chris: I didn't mean it like that. And, no, I can't moonwalk.
Bernard Yao: So, I can't use chopsticks.
Chris: I don't like watermelon.
Bernard Yao: I can't make a swan out of paper.
Chris: I don't have sickle cell anemia.
Bernard Yao: I don't own a dry cleaners.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I bet you like rice.

Sunday, May 19, 2024

Quote from Adult Chris in Everybody Hates Dirty Jokes

Julius: Suspended? For talking in class?
Rochelle: What did you say?
Chris: Well, it's a routine called "The Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television."
Rochelle: Well, what are they?
Chris: I can't say them.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We're on television, woman! Didn't you hear the name of the bit?

Saturday, May 18, 2024

Quote from Greg in Everybody Hates Houseguests

Adult Chris: [v.o.] By the time Greg left my house, he really felt at home.
Jerome: Little White dude about to go home. Let me hold a dollar.
Greg: Sure. [hands Jerome a dollar] See ya.
Risky: Hey, if you need pants to go with that shirt, I can tighten you up.
Greg: Sorry, but I just got robbed.
Risky: Oh. Well, maybe next time.
Greg: Yeah. See ya.

Friday, May 17, 2024

Quote from Tonya in Everybody Hates the Ninth-Grade Dance

Ballet Teacher: Okay, ladies, that's good for today. And Tonya, great job. You'll make a wonderful ballerina.
Tonya: Thank you.
Rochelle: See, honey? I told you you would be great.
Tonya: Yeah, but you also threatened to slap the arch out of my foot if I wasted Daddy's money.
Rochelle: [chuckles] Don't say that too loud.

Thursday, May 16, 2024

Quote from Drew in Everybody Hates Spring Break

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was dodging another bullet, raindrops kept falling on my father's head.
Drew: This place is amazing. They got free shampoo, conditioner and soap. It was kind of hard to go to the bathroom with that strip of paper across the seat. I did it, though. [bed vibrates] This is great. Dad, we got to get one of these.

Wednesday, May 15, 2024

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates PSATs

Rochelle: Hansel and Gretel is a social organization made up of successful Black families. You know, the upper crust of the Black community.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We were just the crust.
Julius: How are we supposed to get in?
Rochelle: Well, we're successful in our own way. I mean each of us has something that we can be proud of.
Tonya: I'm not pregnant.
Drew: I'm not on drugs.
Chris: I'm not in a gang.
Julius: I actually know where all my kids are.
Rochelle: See, baby, we're almost perfect.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We're damn near White.

Upcoming Quotes

Wednesday, May 22, 2024

A quote from Rochelle in the episode Everybody Hates Funerals.

Thursday, May 23, 2024

A quote from Drew in the episode Everybody Hates Greg.

Friday, May 24, 2024

A quote from Tonya in the episode Everybody Hates Earth Day.

Saturday, May 25, 2024

A quote from Greg in the episode Everybody Hates Promises.

Sunday, May 26, 2024

A quote from Adult Chris in the episode Everybody Hates the Lottery.