Everybody Hates Chris Quote of the Day

Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Tasha

Rochelle: You know, Julius, you know how much a light bulb costs per watt. How can you not know that you have another wife?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because those things are less complicated.
Julius: I do not have another wife.
Rochelle: Yes, you do! Look, look, look. It says so right there! You know what? What I want to know is, if she's your wife, then what am I?
Julius: You're my wife.
Rochelle: No! I'm your concubine!


Recent Quotes

Tuesday, January 25, 2022

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: I know you're not gonna threw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

Monday, January 24, 2022

Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates the Car

Police Officer: Was there money in the tires?
Chris: No.
Police Officer: A baby?
Chris: A baby in the tires?
Police Officer: You'd be surprised. Was this baby Black or White?
Chris: There was no baby in the tires.
Police Officer: Well, tell me, sir, exactly what was in the tires?
Chris: Air.
Police Officer: White air?
Chris: White air?!
Police Officer: You'd be surprised. All right, fill this out, and we'll see what we can do.
Chris: Well, should I move it so I don't get a ticket?
Police Officer: Don't bother. [slaps a ticket on the windshield] Too late.

Sunday, January 23, 2022

Quote from Adult Chris in Everybody Hates the Gout

Rochelle: Did you know that your son got an "A" in math?
Julius: My man! That must be why your teacher called this afternoon. Yeah, she wants you to come down to school on Wednesday and talk about Chris's grade.
Male Announcer: [v.o.] Will Rochelle find out about Chris' actual grade? How long will Chris be able to keep up this lie? Will Julius ever get rid of the gout? Will Tonya ask Chris more math questions? Will Drew get any lines? Find out this and more, when Everybody Hates Chris returns.

Saturday, January 22, 2022

Quote from Greg in Everybody Hates Cutting School

Greg: You think they know we're gone?
Chris: The only one that would even notice is Caruso. He can just beat somebody else up. What's that?
Greg: I was up all night packing for everything we might need. I've got peanut butter sandwiches in case we get hungry, I've got some wet naps in case we get sticky from the peanut butter sandwiches, I brought a compass in case we get lost, some extra water, Rolaids, aspirin, a traveling toothbrush...
Chris: Greg, we're going to the movies, not Gilligan's Island.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If we did, Greg would have got with Mrs. Howell.
Greg: Hold on. For my "cutting school" scrapbook. Smile.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Greg sold that picture on eBay last week for $500.

Friday, January 21, 2022

Quote from Tonya in Everybody Hates Bad Boys

Drew: Wow. I've never had coq au vin before.
Mrs. Banks: You two have such great manners.
Mr. Banks: Your mother must be very proud.
Tonya: Well, she said if we didn't act right, she'd slap the caviar out of us.
Mrs. Banks: Oh. Bearnaise, anyone?

Thursday, January 20, 2022

Quote from Drew in Everybody Hates Gretzky

Chris: This is going to be bad.
Drew: Oh, yeah.
Chris: The worst part is, you didn't even get a chance to meet Gretzky.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Or Gritzky for that matter.
Drew: It's okay. It was still one of the best days of my life.
Chris: Why, 'cause you got the jersey?
Drew: No. Thanks for taking care of me, Chris. I'm glad you were there.
Chris: Me, too.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The best part of hanging out with Drew that day was for the first time I didn't see him as my little brother I was responsible for. I saw him as something more: a friend.
Chris: Ready?
Drew: Ready.

Upcoming Quotes

Thursday, January 27, 2022

A quote from Drew in the episode Everybody Hates Spring Break.

Friday, January 28, 2022

A quote from Tonya in the episode Everybody Hates the Babysitter.

Saturday, January 29, 2022

A quote from Greg in the episode Everybody Hates My Man.

Sunday, January 30, 2022

A quote from Adult Chris in the episode Everybody Hates Promises.

Monday, January 31, 2022

A quote from Chris in the episode Everybody Hates Promises.