Adult Chris: [v.o.] A bag of weed can cause you all kinds of problems: big ones, like losing your job; and little ones, like trying to figure out where to hide it. I thought about hiding it in the bathroom.
[fantasy:]
Julius: Who's hiding $27 worth of weed in the toilet?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought about hiding it in my room.
Tonya: Mama! Somebody hid some weed in Chris' sock drawer!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I even thought about hiding it in the kitchen.
Rochelle: Who hid weed in my cereal?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But I decided the safest place to hide it was on me.

Chris: This looks great. Mercury is closest to the sun, Venus is second, Earth is third. And we have four moons around Jupiter. It's perfectly to scale.
Greg: Quit lying to yourself.
Chris: What's that supposed to mean?
Greg: If Earth was actually this close to the sun, we'd all be dead.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The next day, I pulled a Robert Blake and tried to forget all about the shooting.
Drew: Make sure it's tight, Tonya.
Chris: Isn't this how Houdini died?
Tonya: No, Houdini died from secondary peritonitis due to a ruptured spleen from being punched in the stomach.

Boy: When Americans talk about dance, it's always Michael Jackson, but I think that if more people were to see Baryshnikov, they would feel differently.
Drew: Oh, really? Well, a lot of people saw him dance in White Nights and they're still talking about Michael Jackson. I'm more of a Boogaloo Shrimp fan myself.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't know Fat Mike's real name, I didn't know where he lived. All I knew was, I had to get my bike back, because if I didn't...
[fantasy:]
Tonya: Mama, where's Chris?
Rochelle: Somebody stole his bike after I told him not to let anybody ride it. So I smacked him into next week.
Drew: I told you.
Rochelle: He'll be back on Tuesday.

Rochelle: Okay, say the blessing, baby.
Julius: Where's the meat? [goes to the kitchen]
Rochelle: We don't have any.
Julius: [o.s.] Didn't you buy some pork chops?
Rochelle: No, that meat was too expensive.
Julius: [o.s.] I know we got some canned Spam or some Vienna sausage or bacon or beef jerky. Something. I mean, what kind of meal is that without meat? [returns]
Rochelle: It's a vegetarian meal.
Julius: Do I look like a vegetarian to you? I work 60 hours a week. I lift papers and boxes all night. I don't want vegetables. I need meat.

Maxine: Mmm. Rochelle, can't you make a decent glass of iced tea?
Chris: Well, can't you leave her alone? It's iced tea! If you're thirsty, well, then you drink it! If you're not, don't!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I might be joining my grandfather sooner than I thought.
Maxine: Are you going to sit there and let that boy talk to me like that? Boy, don't you know I'll knock you into another family?
[fantasy: Chris sits on a couch with a White family:]
Mother: Who are you?
Chris: You don't want to know.