TV Quotes

Chris: You're sure you can't do this?
Greg: I can't. My cousin from south Jersey wants to drive me around Brooklyn and listen to "Born in the USA."
Chris: What?
Greg: It's a long story.

Julius: What happened?
Tonya: I was trying to study and this girl kept talking so I told her: [in Rochelle's voice]: "If you don't shut up, I'm going to slap the chatter out of you." And she left me alone.
Drew: Wow, you sound just like mom.
Rochelle: No, she doesn't.
Julius: She does. I mean, just a little.

Risky: How about a wallet? Snakeskin wallet, too. Coral, rattler, I don't know, but it's from my Grandmama's backyard.
Drew: Yeah, I need a wallet to put my ten dollars in.
Risky: Yeah, there you go.
Drew: How much?
Risky: Ten dollars.
Drew: I'll take it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The Indians made a similar deal for Manhattan.

Julius: Vanessa hit the number and bought Pam out.
Rochelle: Yeah, now I'm the new manager.
Drew: What happened to your old job?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Something that hadn't happened in a long time.
[flashback to Rochelle at the Department of Records:]
Rochelle: I do not need this, okay?! My man has two jobs!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Two jobs equals one finger.

Rochelle: Now, is this remedy of yours going to work?
Julius: Oh, it'll work. It's been passed down for generations. My mother got it from my grandmother who got it from her great grandmother who got it from a Puerto Rican lady.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father's home remedies were legendary. If you had a headache...
Julius: Baking soda and a pomegranate.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you were nauseous...
Julius: Catfish and grape jelly.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If you were blind...
Julius: A tin cup and a white cane.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Hey, he couldn't cure everything.

Police Officer: Was there money in the tires?
Chris: No.
Police Officer: A baby?
Chris: A baby in the tires?
Police Officer: You'd be surprised. Was this baby Black or White?
Chris: There was no baby in the tires.
Police Officer: Well, tell me, sir, exactly what was in the tires?
Chris: Air.
Police Officer: White air?
Chris: White air?!
Police Officer: You'd be surprised. All right, fill this out, and we'll see what we can do.
Chris: Well, should I move it so I don't get a ticket?
Police Officer: Don't bother. [slaps a ticket on the windshield] Too late.

Ms. Morello: So, what can I do for you?
Chris: I need to change homerooms.
Ms. Morello: Oh, what's the problem?
Chris: Mr. Thurman hates me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Everyone does. It's in the title of the show, dummy.