Everybody Hates Chris Quote of the Day
Monday, September 20, 2021
Mr. Abbott: What we're going to do is the word association test. I'm going to say a word and I want you to say the first thing that comes to mind.
Mr. Abbott: Excuse me?
Chris: Brain. You said "mind" and I said "brain."
Mr. Abbott: Yeah, but we haven't even started yet.
Chris: Oh, sorry.
Sunday, September 19, 2021
Adult Chris: [v.o.] A bag of weed can cause you all kinds of problems: big ones, like losing your job; and little ones, like trying to figure out where to hide it. I thought about hiding it in the bathroom.
Julius: Who's hiding $27 worth of weed in the toilet?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought about hiding it in my room.
Tonya: Mama! Somebody hid some weed in Chris' sock drawer!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I even thought about hiding it in the kitchen.
Rochelle: Who hid weed in my cereal?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But I decided the safest place to hide it was on me.
Saturday, September 18, 2021
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had two Fat Boys tickets. Now I had to get two skinny boys to pass for 18.
Chris: Look, I've been thinking. All I have to do is get out of the house, then maybe we can find a way to get into the show.
Greg: Well, my mother will be drunk and passed out by about 7:00. So getting out of the house won't be a problem. I could be on tour with Van Halen, and she wouldn't even notice.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Years later, Greg actually toured with Van Halen for a year as a mike stand.
Chris: All right, that's good.
Greg: In terms of us going to see The Fat Boys, yes. But in truth, alcohol abuse is nothing to laugh at. And I'll be scarred forever by my mother's tragic disease, but please, continue.
Friday, September 17, 2021
Julius: Where you been?
Tonya: Upstairs in Chris and Drew's room looking for clues.
Julius: Great idea. What'd you find?
Tonya: Well, I found firecrackers, smoke balls, Chris's old test, looks like he got an "F" - maybe we should do something about that - Mommy's Turtles, feels like they ate half of the box, and Playpen magazine. You know they have naked women in here, right?
Thursday, September 16, 2021
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Drew got a special delivery from the see-through women's clothing fairy.
Drew: Cool. [puts on the X-ray glasses] Oh, dang! [to the woman] Excuse me. I know this may sound weird, but do you by chance have two sets of the exact same clothes on?
Woman: Yes. But what does that have to do with anything?
Drew: Oh, nothing. Just asking.
Wednesday, September 15, 2021
Rochelle: Oh, baby, have a good time. But not too good a time, 'cause you know I'm not raising no babies.
Tuesday, September 14, 2021
Chris: [v.o.] Since I was the oldest, I had to be the emergency adult.
Julius: If you smell smoke, and you think the house is gonna catch fire, get your brother and your sister and get out of here.
Julius: If you smell gas and you think the house is gonna blow up, get your brother and your sister and get out of here.
Julius: If you smell smoke, and your brother catches on fire, get your sister and get out of here.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Fortunately, the house never caught fire and neither did my brother.
Tuesday, September 21, 2021
Wednesday, September 22, 2021
Thursday, September 23, 2021
Friday, September 24, 2021
Saturday, September 25, 2021