Everybody Hates Chris Quote of the Day

Monday, September 20, 2021

Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor

Mr. Abbott: What we're going to do is the word association test. I'm going to say a word and I want you to say the first thing that comes to mind.
Chris: Brain.
Mr. Abbott: Excuse me?
Chris: Brain. You said "mind" and I said "brain."
Mr. Abbott: Yeah, but we haven't even started yet.
Chris: Oh, sorry.

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Recent Quotes

Sunday, September 19, 2021

Quote from Adult Chris in Everybody Hates Lasagna

Adult Chris: [v.o.] A bag of weed can cause you all kinds of problems: big ones, like losing your job; and little ones, like trying to figure out where to hide it. I thought about hiding it in the bathroom.
[fantasy:]
Julius: Who's hiding $27 worth of weed in the toilet?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought about hiding it in my room.
Tonya: Mama! Somebody hid some weed in Chris' sock drawer!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I even thought about hiding it in the kitchen.
Rochelle: Who hid weed in my cereal?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But I decided the safest place to hide it was on me.

Saturday, September 18, 2021

Quote from Greg in Everybody Hates Fake IDs

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had two Fat Boys tickets. Now I had to get two skinny boys to pass for 18.
Chris: Look, I've been thinking. All I have to do is get out of the house, then maybe we can find a way to get into the show.
Greg: Well, my mother will be drunk and passed out by about 7:00. So getting out of the house won't be a problem. I could be on tour with Van Halen, and she wouldn't even notice.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Years later, Greg actually toured with Van Halen for a year as a mike stand.
Chris: All right, that's good.
Greg: In terms of us going to see The Fat Boys, yes. But in truth, alcohol abuse is nothing to laugh at. And I'll be scarred forever by my mother's tragic disease, but please, continue.

Friday, September 17, 2021

Quote from Tonya in Everybody Hates Gretzky

Julius: Where you been?
Tonya: Upstairs in Chris and Drew's room looking for clues.
Julius: Great idea. What'd you find?
Tonya: Well, I found firecrackers, smoke balls, Chris's old test, looks like he got an "F" - maybe we should do something about that - Mommy's Turtles, feels like they ate half of the box, and Playpen magazine. You know they have naked women in here, right?

Thursday, September 16, 2021

Quote from Drew in Everybody Hates Fake IDs

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Drew got a special delivery from the see-through women's clothing fairy.
Drew: Cool. [puts on the X-ray glasses] Oh, dang! [to the woman] Excuse me. I know this may sound weird, but do you by chance have two sets of the exact same clothes on?
Woman: Yes. But what does that have to do with anything?
Drew: Oh, nothing. Just asking.

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Rejection

Rochelle: Oh, baby, have a good time. But not too good a time, 'cause you know I'm not raising no babies.

Tuesday, September 14, 2021

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Chris: [v.o.] Since I was the oldest, I had to be the emergency adult.
[montage:]
Julius: If you smell smoke, and you think the house is gonna catch fire, get your brother and your sister and get out of here.
Julius: If you smell gas and you think the house is gonna blow up, get your brother and your sister and get out of here.
Julius: If you smell smoke, and your brother catches on fire, get your sister and get out of here.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Fortunately, the house never caught fire and neither did my brother.

Upcoming Quotes

Tuesday, September 21, 2021

A quote from Julius in the episode Everybody Hates Kris.

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

A quote from Rochelle in the episode Everybody Hates the Gout.

Thursday, September 23, 2021

A quote from Drew in the episode Everybody Hates Elections.

Friday, September 24, 2021

A quote from Tonya in the episode Everybody Hates Tattaglia.

Saturday, September 25, 2021

A quote from Greg in the episode Everybody Hates the Last Day.