Everybody Hates Chris Quote of the Day

Saturday, August 13, 2022

Quote from Greg in Everybody Hates Fake IDs

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I had two Fat Boys tickets. Now I had to get two skinny boys to pass for 18.
Chris: Look, I've been thinking. All I have to do is get out of the house, then maybe we can find a way to get into the show.
Greg: Well, my mother will be drunk and passed out by about 7:00. So getting out of the house won't be a problem. I could be on tour with Van Halen, and she wouldn't even notice.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Years later, Greg actually toured with Van Halen for a year as a mike stand.
Chris: All right, that's good.
Greg: In terms of us going to see The Fat Boys, yes. But in truth, alcohol abuse is nothing to laugh at. And I'll be scarred forever by my mother's tragic disease, but please, continue.

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Recent Quotes

Friday, August 12, 2022

Quote from Tonya in Everybody Hates Minimum Wage

Adult Chris: [v.o.] At dinner, Drew looked sadder than 69-cent shoes.
Rochelle: Hey, Drew. What's wrong?
Drew: Failed my history test.
Tonya: Told you sleeping in a room with Chris would make you stupid.
Rochelle: Tonya, hush.

Thursday, August 11, 2022

Quote from Drew in Everybody Hates Fake IDs

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Drew got a special delivery from the see-through women's clothing fairy.
Drew: Cool. [puts on the X-ray glasses] Oh, dang! [to the woman] Excuse me. I know this may sound weird, but do you by chance have two sets of the exact same clothes on?
Woman: Yes. But what does that have to do with anything?
Drew: Oh, nothing. Just asking.

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Drew: How come he's wearing my shoes?
Rochelle: Because you only have one pair of feet.

Tuesday, August 9, 2022

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Chris: [v.o.] Since I was the oldest, I had to be the emergency adult.
[montage:]
Julius: If you smell smoke, and you think the house is gonna catch fire, get your brother and your sister and get out of here.
Julius: If you smell gas and you think the house is gonna blow up, get your brother and your sister and get out of here.
Julius: If you smell smoke, and your brother catches on fire, get your sister and get out of here.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Fortunately, the house never caught fire and neither did my brother.

Monday, August 8, 2022

Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor

Mr. Abbott: Hey, hey, hey, don't get mad at me, short bus. You're the one that didn't take this test serious. It's a test. What did you think was gonna happen? You know what they do to food before they give it to people? They test it. They don't even give people, uh, paper towels without testing it first. How do you think they know that Bounty is the quicker picker-upper? They test it, and you know what happens to all the other paper towels that couldn't sop up the grease? They fail and get sent back.
Chris: Well, maybe if they would've told the paper towel that he needed to sop up the grease to get to the store, he would've done better.
Mr. Abbott: What are you talking about?!
Chris: I don't know. You started it.

Sunday, August 7, 2022

Quote from Adult Chris in Everybody Hates Superstition

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even before video, Drew learned the secret to being a good singer is to not sing at all.

Upcoming Quotes

Sunday, August 14, 2022

A quote from Adult Chris in the episode Everybody Hates Cutting School.

Monday, August 15, 2022

A quote from Chris in the episode Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor.

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

A quote from Julius in the episode Everybody Hates Varsity Jackets.

Wednesday, August 17, 2022

A quote from Rochelle in the episode Everybody Hates Fat Mike.

Thursday, August 18, 2022

A quote from Drew in the episode Everybody Hates Elections.