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‘Everybody Hates Food Stamps’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Food Stamps

109. Everybody Hates Food Stamps

Aired November 17, 2005

Julius is ecstatic after finding $200 worth of food stamps, but Rochelle is embarrassed to spend them. Meanwhile, Chris and Greg's friendship is put to the test when work together for a science project.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: Rochelle, money is money. Cash, food stamps-- what's the difference?
Rochelle: Because I don't want to have to curse nobody out.
Julius: What?!
Rochelle: Julius, when I pull out food stamps, people look at me like I ain't got no husband. They talk to me like I ain't got no sense. They treat me like I ain't got no class. And if somebody treats me like that, I'm gonna curse them out!

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Quote from Julius

Julius: You are never going to believe what happened.
Rochelle: What?
Julius: Hah! Bah-yah! That's $200-worth of food stamps.
Rochelle: Where did you get food stamps from, Julius?
Julius: I found them. Adult Chris: [v.o.] From the time he was a kid to the time he was an adult, my father loved to find money.
[flashback:]
Young Julius: Mom! Mom! Mom! I found a quarter. I love you, quarter. I'm gonna keep you and name you Bernard.
[flashback to a hospital delivery room:]
Doctor: It's a boy!
Julius: I found a dollar!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's not even my mother.

Quote from Julius

Julius: $200 is $200. Either you're gonna shop with it, or I am. And you don't want me to go shopping.
[fantasy: Julius has a cart full of generic food when he passes by a sign for damaged food]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father figured out that the only food cheaper than generic food was damaged food.
Rochelle: Fine. Since we got the extra cash, can you give me $20, so I could get my hair done?
Julius: Can you do it yourself? [off Rochelle's look] Sure, baby, you go ahead. You look good. $200, man! Thank you, Lord.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When I was a kid, my dad would try to save money any way he could, so when my mother went shopping, he had one rule:
[flashback:]
Julius: No name brands.
[present:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] So instead of Fruit Loops, Cheerios, or Frosted Flakes, we got...
Chris: "Cereal"? What is this stuff? Is it oats? Is it flakes?
Tonya: Is there a prize inside?
Rochelle: The prize is you don't starve to death. Ring it up.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When it came to soap, instead of Zest, Dial, or Coast, we got...
Chris: Camay?
Rochelle: Do you have a problem with that? Ring it up.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother could save money a lot of places but not on her ass.

Quote from Greg

Chris: This looks great. Mercury is closest to the sun, Venus is second, Earth is third. And we have four moons around Jupiter. It's perfectly to scale.
Greg: Quit lying to yourself.
Chris: What's that supposed to mean?
Greg: If Earth was actually this close to the sun, we'd all be dead.

Quote from Adult Chris

Julius: You know, I been thinking. Since I found this money, we got over $100 left after we pay the light bill and get your hair done. Maybe we could splurge for once.
Rochelle: Splurge?
Julius: Yeah, I mean $100. I could take the day off. I could sleep till 9:00. Hey, we could even go to a movie for once.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That was 1982. These days, $100 won't even buy you $20.

Quote from Risky

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother finally had to turn to the one guy she thought could help her... Risky. Now, Risky specialized in buying and selling things he wasn't supposed to have.
Rochelle: Come on, Risky. Man, this $200 worth of food stamps.
Risky: $200 dollars worth of food stamps? I'm trying to sell $2,000 worth of food stamps. Want to buy an iron?
Rochelle: You take food stamps?

Quote from Chris

Chris: [to his new friend] Hold my books.
Greg: [to his new friend] Hold my books.
Chris: Hold my sweater.
Greg: Hold my vest.
Chris: Hold my watch.
Greg: Hold my Star Trek bracelet.
Chris: Hold my shoes.
[The crowd is disappointed when Chris and Greg bust out laughing]
Greg: [laughing] "Hold my shoes"! Where'd you get that?
Chris: It was either that or punch you in the face.
Greg: Seriously?
Chris: No.

Quote from Risky

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother decided to hit the one place where selling food stamps would be easy.
Rochelle: Food stamps, Food stamps, 50 cent on the dollar. Come on, Paco.
Risky: I'll take a nickel bag.
Rochelle: Risky?
Risky: Rochelle? What you doing? You selling weed?
Rochelle: No, I'm not selling weed. I'm selling food stamps.
Risky: Oh, well, who's selling weed?
Rochelle: Get your jelly bean head out of here.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] And instead of Oreos, Ginger Snaps, or Chips Ahoy, we got...
Drew: "Cookie"?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's right, Cookie. Not Cookies, Cookie. A big bag with one cookie in it.
[flashback:]
Tonya: Ooh, Mama, can I have some cookie?
Rochelle: Yeah, but only two bites. Don't suck out all the chips like you did last time.

Quote from Julius

Julius: Come on. You're getting your hair done. Why can't I treat myself to something?
Rochelle: I'm just saying, look, we shouldn't rush into anything, you know?
Julius: You know what, baby? You're right.
Rochelle: See? I'm right.
Julius: You right. I hear you. I'm gonna take a nap and figure out how to spend this money.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Some people counted sheep, my father counted cheap.

Quote from Rochelle

Chris: Mama, can we get these?
Rochelle: No, we've already got peanut butter and jelly.
Drew: Ma, I hate that stuff. It tastes like concrete.
Rochelle: Ring it up, please.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Julius, you know I hate using food stamps.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother hated using food stamps because she was a ghetto snob. And sometimes using food stamps could be a little embarrassing.
[flashback:]
Cashier: That'll be 79 cent.
Rochelle: Ten, 20, 30, 40, 50...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother would have felt better just robbing the place.
Rochelle: Does anybody have change for a fifty-cent bill?

Quote from Greg

Adult Chris: [v.o.] At school, I felt like I was trying to do a science project and Greg was trying to win the Nobel Prize.
Greg: I was thinking about doing something on the periodic table. we can chart when each element was discovered and show how it affected society.
Chris: I was thinking we could make a volcano with vinegar and baking soda.
Greg: No, I did that in the third grade.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My third grade science project was watching a banana rot!
Greg: Hey, why don't we do a whole thing on plate tectonics?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought "Plate Tectonics" was the original name of the Wu Tang Clan.

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