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Everybody Hates Driving

‘Everybody Hates Driving’

Season 3, Episode 3 -  Aired October 15, 2007

Julius finally allows Chris to get behind the wheel and move the car to the other side of the street. Meanwhile, Rochelle takes Drew and Tonya with her to court as she challenges a speeding ticket.

Quote from Julius

Julius: Good, and make sure you put on your seat belt.
Chris: I will.
Julius: And don't touch my mirrors.
Chris: I won't.
Julius: Don't move my seat.
Chris: Okay.
Julius: Warm up the engine.
Chris: Right.
Julius: And don't go burning up gas.
Chris: I'm just moving the car across the street.
Julius: That's three cents worth of gas.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] By the time this checklist was over, I had had a license, a diploma, and had made my third appearance on Showtime At The Apollo.


Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When I got older, I was always asking my dad to let me drive.
Chris: Hey, Dad, can I drive?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And he always said the same thing.
Julius: Drive? Sure, you can drive... as soon as you turn 16, go to driver's ed., get a driver's license, graduate from high school, get a job, get out of my house, get a car, get insurance. Yeah, then you can drive anytime you want.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He could have just said no.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After a day behind the wheel of a car, I had been popular, I had been terrified, and I was ready to get back on the bus.
Chris: Oh, no.
Police Officer: Hey, kid! Hey! A little young to be driving, ain't you?
Chris: I'm just listening to the radio, officer.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] There's only one reason the police in Brooklyn would pass up the chance to bust a Black kid in a car, two Black kids in a car. [siren blaring]

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: I told you about speeding. Now you have to spend a whole day off from work just to pay a ticket.
Rochelle: I'm not paying the ticket because I wasn't speeding. Cop gives me a ticket for doing 32 in a 25. Who does 32 in a 25? If I'm gonna speed, I'm gonna do 30 miles over the limit, not seven.

Quote from Greg

Chris: Greg, I thought I told you not to tell anybody about the car. Now the whole school knows.
Greg: I'm sorry, man. You've got a car and I know you. That's the closest thing I've ever gotten to being cool. You know Jennifer Thompson?
Chris: Yeah, so?
Greg: Well, every time I'm around her, I get tongue-tied, and I finally had something worth saying to her.
Chris: That I had my father's car?
Greg: And that I'm riding shotgun.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If I had had a shotgun, Greg would be riding in the trunk.

Quote from Drew

Rochelle: Drew, where have you been?
Drew: I just made ten dollars. Some guy just paid me to pee in a cup.
Rochelle: Boy, give me that money! Don't you know that's against the law.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Not technically.
Rochelle: And you were supposed to be getting soda. Where's the soda?
Drew: I had to drink them so I could pee.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You have to spend money to make money.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: I- I'm throwing myself at, at, at the mercy of the court. I have been such a very bad girl and, and, and I deserve to be punished. Ow.
Judge: I know this. That's what I'm doing. 50 days or $50.
Rochelle: No, come on, Judge! I, okay, okay, wait, wait, wait. I-I-I promise you I wasn't speeding.
Judge: Ma'am, everyone who came in here today said the same thing. Whether they were going 32 in a 25 or 37 in a 30 or a 62 in a 55. "I wasn't guilty," "I didn't see the sign!" "I'm a law abiding citizen!" "I didn't do nothing wrong!"
Rochelle: Did you just hear yourself? Wait, wait a minute. Did, did it ever occur to you that everybody that came in here today just so happened to be going seven miles exactly over the speed limit. Not two, not ten, not twelve, but one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Seven, everybody.
Judge: Officer, do you have the calibration report for your radar gun on the day in question?
Police Officer: Uh... No, I don't.
Rochelle: Mmm.
Judge: Case dismissed.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father's trust made me feel like a man... and so did this.
Tasha: Hey, Chris. You driving now?
Chris: Yeah, so if you ever need a ride someplace, just let me know.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Especially if that someplace is across the street.
Tasha: Well, maybe we could take a ride after school.
Chris: Maybe. Look, I got to go, I don't want to hit traffic.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] At that moment, I had a decision to make: drive across the street and look like a fool or drive around the corner and feel real cool. [car starts] If Greg were here, he'd say I was in there.

Quote from Adult Chris

Rochelle: Here you go, Julius, here's your breakfast. Julius, wake up.
Julius: What are you still doing here?
Rochelle: [sighs] I got to go to court. I got a speeding ticket.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother had her own style of driving called The Fast and The Furious: Bed-Stuy Drift.

Quote from Jerome

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my mother got ready to challenge the law, I was still breaking it.
Jerome: Hey, little dude from across the street! Check you out, man. I didn't know you knew how to drive.
Chris: I'm just moving my dad's car for street cleaning.
Jerome: Well, you look a little stiff in there, little dude. See, man, you got to cop a lean, pop your collar up a little bit. I'll show you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Another thing I learned about cars is that it's not always what you drive, it's how you drive it. Pop this up some like this. Now go ahead and lean. Man, come-- lean, man. Man, get low. Yeah.
Chris: I can't see nothing.
Jerome: But you look good, though.
Chris: I got to get to school.
Jerome: Man, come on, let's go.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You can't see me, but take my word for it: I look cool.

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