Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Everybody Hates Snow Day’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Snow Day

213. Everybody Hates Snow Day

Aired February 5, 2007

Chris treks to school through the snow when it appears Corleone is open. Meanwhile, Julius is left to look after Drew and Tonya when they stay home.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father couldn't leave Drew and Tonya home alone, because if you pull that Home Alone crap in a Black neighborhood, they take away your kids.

Rate

Quote from Mr. Omar

Mrs. Booker: Can I help you?
Julius: I was looking for Mr. Omar.
Mr. Omar: Oh, hey, Julius. Yeah, this is my friend Mrs. Booker.
Julius: I'm sorry about your husband.
Mr. Omar: Yeah, caught a deadly case of botulism. Tragic, tragic.
Mrs. Booker: How did you know-
Mr. Omar: Baby, why don't you go and put that record on for me?

Quote from Risky

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The snow stopped the traffic, but it couldn't stop Risky.
Risky: Julius! Julius!
Julius: Risky?
Risky: What are you doing out here, man?
Julius: Chris is stuck at school. I gotta get him. Can you help me out?
Risky: Oh, sorry, no room, man. Me and my man, Nanook, out here trying to make money on these cross-country skis. You want a pair?
Julius: How much?

Quote from Rochelle

Chris: Do I have to go to school? I mean, it's snowing like crazy.
Rochelle: It's snow, Chris, not Armageddon. Now hurry up. You know the buses are going to be running slow. Go.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because my mother wanted us to get the best education possible, as long as school was open, we had to go no matter what.
[flashback to Tonya in bed:]
Rochelle: Ooh, baby, your temperature is 103.
Tonya: Can I stay home from school?
Rochelle: No. Just put this ice pack under your hat. You'll be all right.
[flashback to Drew vomiting in the toilet:]
Rochelle: Ooh, baby, I think you got food poisoning.
Drew: Can I stay home from school?
Rochelle: No. Drink this ipecac. You'll be all right.

Quote from Rochelle

Gunman: Come on, the bag! Put it in the bag! Get to the back! Come on!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother had lost her money, but there was only so much she could take.
Rochelle: Good day to rob a train, huh?
Gunman: Watch your mouth!
Rochelle: Why?! You done already took my money! What else you gonna take, my seat?
Gunman: I might shoot you!
Rochelle: And you might go to jail! You got six bullets and nine passengers, which leaves three witnesses, and 25 years to life!
Luther: Don't shoot her, shoot me.
Gunman: Don't tell me who to shoot!
Rochelle: What are you, trying to get shot?!
Gunman: Shut up! [the woman screams again] Will you be quiet?!
Rochelle: Sit down.

Quote from Mr. Omar

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back at home, Drew and Tonya were monopolizing all of Mr. Omar's time.
Drew: Boardwalk with a hotel. Looks like somebody owes me $2,000.
Mr. Omar: Dang. Tragic.
Tonya: Mr. Omar, how come every time we see you with a woman, their husband just died?
Mr. Omar: Well, that's because I'm a funeral director, baby.
Tonya: But when the wives die, how come you don't make friends with the husbands?
Mr. Omar: Oh, well, men don't need as much attention.
Drew: Man, if my wife died, I'd be crying, sitting at home by myself wondering what I'm gonna do, how to go on. I'd be wishing anybody would talk to me.
Mr. Omar: Well, women are sensitive, you know, in a different kind of way.
Tonya: Oh, I thought that women were like that because they were desperate.
Mr. Omar: Roll the dice, baby.

Quote from Chris

Chris: You know I didn't mean to break it.
Principal Edwards: It's okay. It's just a vase. A vase that changed my life.
Chris: Sometimes I wish I could change my life. Go places like you. Get away from the school. The neighborhood. Caruso.
Principal Edwards: Doesn't work like that. As long as you're you, they'll always be a Caruso.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought about living in Japan.
[fantasy:]
Joey Caruso: Arigato, Slappy.
[fantasy:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In London.
Joey Caruso: Cheerio, Nipsy.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Morocco.
Joey Caruso: Asalamalakem, Flip.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, there were more kids at my house than there were at my school.
Chris: Hello? Is anyone here?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I wouldn't put it past all the other kids to hide from me.

Quote from Drew

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was getting snowed in, back at home, the word was out.
Weatherman: [on TV] To repeat, city buses are experiencing delays of up to four hours due to closings and hazardous conditions. Now here's a list of the latest school closures. Corleone Junior High...
Tonya: Daddy, look, Chris' school is closed.
Julius: What?
Drew: See, it says Corleone Junior High School.
Julius: If his school is closed, how come he hasn't called?
Drew: Maybe he got trapped in a snowdrift and had to eat his own mouth to survive.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's a thought.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I was the only one in school, but Principal Edwards handled things by the book. He took attendance.
Principal Edwards: Caroline? Chris?
Chris: Here.
Principal Edwards: Chris. Eddie?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We said the Pledge of Allegiance.
Both: One nation, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since I was the only one in class, he let me say the Black Pledge of Allegiance.
Both: One nation under a groove getting down just for the funk of it. One nation and we're on the move. Nothing can stop us now.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After lunch, we sang "Aqua Boogie."

Quote from Mr. Omar

Mr. Omar: So, uh, what can I do for you?
Julius: I need to pick-up Chris at school and I was wondering if you could keep an eye on Drew and Tonya till I get back?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mr. Omar had another back to keep an eye on.
Mr. Omar: Can't you get somebody else, man?
Julius: I really need your help. All you got to do is check on them. They'll be easy, I promise.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Speaking of easy...
Mr. Omar: I don't know, man.
Julius: I'll take ten dollars off the rent.
Mr. Omar: I'll be down in a minute.
Julius: Thank you.

Quote from Chris

Principal Edwards: Any questions? [Chris raises his hand] Anyone? Yes, Chris?
Chris: I'm the only one in the entire city that's in school. So, why should I have to learn when everybody else is sitting on their couch watching The Price Is Right?
Principal Edwards: Chris, the true measure of a man is not what he does when he is being watched. It's what he does when he is alone.
Chris: Technically, this isn't a real school day. If you haven't noticed, I'm not supposed to be here. So why should I take classes?
Principal Edwards: All right. Do whatever you want.
Chris: So you're saying that if I get up and walk out of that door, you won't do anything to stop me?
Principal Edwards: No.
Chris: Goodbye.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] As I was storming out, the storm outside was picking up. I haven't seen a sea of white like this since the Republican National Convention.

Quote from Mr. Omar

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my mother was pushing her luck, Mr. Omar was trying to pull a fast one.
Mr. Omar: Hey, I got peanut butter and jelly, fried bologna and mustard, Kool-Aid and chips.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The homeless shelter special.
Mr. Omar: Anything else?
Tonya: I thought you were supposed to be staying with us.
Mr. Omar: No, I told you father I would check on y'all. So I'm checking on you. You okay?
Drew: Yeah.
Mr. Omar: All right, so I'll be back to check on you again.
Tonya: Mr. Omar? Can you make me some hot chocolate?
Mr. Omar: [sighs] Okay. Hot chocolate it is.
Drew: Oh, Mr. Omar? Could you please make me some cheese toast?
Mr. Omar: Cheese toast and hot chocolate. Okay, great.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While Mr. Omar was stuck babysitting, my father was just plain stuck.
Julius: Should've bought those snow tires.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father was willing to brave the elements to save his son, but to save money, he bought the cheapest tires known to man. He's the only Black out in a whiteout.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Look here, if you're gonna keep talking about getting shot, you need to sit over there somewhere.
Luther: I'm sorry. I figured I didn't have much to lose.
Rochelle: Why?
Luther: Yesterday was my 61st birthday and nobody in my family called. I was headed to the Brooklyn Bridge to jump off.
Rochelle: You were gonna jump off a bridge 'cause you didn't get a phone call? No wonder they didn't call you. You're selfish. A 61-year-old man gonna jump off a bridge 'cause he didn't get a phone call. I wouldn't call you either. It's too much pressure.
Luther: You don't know anything about me.
Rochelle: I know you're too damn old to be jumping off bridges.
Luther: Well, it's none of your business anyway.
Rochelle: Wait a minute, you're the one standing up talking 'bout, "Don't shoot her, shoot me."
Luther: Well, then why didn't you let him shoot me?
Rochelle: I'm not gonna have people thinking you saved my life. You ain't nothing but a big baby. Eh, Scarface, whatever you do, don't shoot him.
Man: Oh, could you shoot me, please? It's the only way my boss is gonna believe this.

Next Page 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode