Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Everybody Hates the New Kid’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates the New Kid

309. Everybody Hates the New Kid

Aired November 26, 2007

Chris quickly makes a new friend when a second Black pupil, Albert (Kwame Boateng), starts at Corleone. Meanwhile, Rochelle is thrilled to spend their bigger-than-expected IRS refund.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: Okay, now this is an easy one. Who was the only president to ever be impeached? Chris?
Chris: Uh, George Washington Carver? [laughter]
Ms. Morello: No, Chris. George Washington Carver was the Black peanut genius. And you should know that. Albert?
Albert: I don't know.
Ms. Morello: What do you mean, you don't know? Did you read the assigned material? You can read, can't you?
Albert: Yeah, I can read.
Ms. Morello: Well, then, there's no excuse for you not having studied. Now, I know you and Chris are having fun shucking and jiving together, but you should really spend more time studying...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Albert looked at her like he was about to get his third strike.

Rate

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: Chris, you must be so happy. You must feel just like Jackie Robinson when Larry Doby arrived.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] More like Robert Perish when Dennis Johnson showed up.
Chris: Who's Larry Doby?
Ms. Morello: He was the second Black man in baseball, but he was taller than Jackie and more... strapping. With his strong shoulders and Nubian profile. His Cleveland Indians uniform complimented by the rich caramel color of his skin. And the way he swung his bat. [giggles]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Forget jungle fever. She's having a jungle seizure.
Chris: Ms. Morello, are you okay?
Ms. Morello: Uh, yes. Anyway... after years of being alone and ostracized, you now have a soul brother. Somebody to talk jive with and to shoot dice with, to talk about being raised by MaDear with. Just seeing the two of you together would make your leaders like Dr. King and Uncle Remus proud. Oh, happy day! [giggles]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She might have been crazy, but she was right. I finally had somebody I could really relate to.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Hey, wait, wait, wait, where are you going?
Chris: I'm going to go sit down.
Rochelle: No you're not. New couch, new rules. There'll be no eating on this couch. So that means no soups, no salads, no sandwiches, no ribs, no Cheerios, no Bazooka gum, nothing. If you fall asleep, keep your funky little feet on the floor. Put a towel underneath your face to keep the drool and the dribble from getting on my pillows. If you sit down, you cannot have any pens, pencils, markers, nothing.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] By the time I sat on the new couch, it was the old couch.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Y'all, go put that stuff in the kitchen. Bills, bills... more bills, junk mail. Internal Revenue Service? "We are pleased to inform you... estimated tax..." Refund? [gasps] Oh, my God.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] A tax refund check is like a bonus for broke people. A bonus which my mother accepted with grace and class.
Rochelle: [on the phone] Kiss my ass, Visa!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Visa was actually the name of the lady who collected bills for MasterCard.

Quote from Greg

Greg: Anybody see Kate & Allie?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No!
Chris: No.
Greg: Well, Kate convinced Allie to accompany her to their 20th high school reunion where Allie found herself questioning her life's successes and failures.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It could have been worse... Greg never missed an episode of Murder, She Wrote.

Quote from Adult Chris

Greg: I've been hearing some pretty bad things about your new friend, Albert.
Chris: Like what?
Greg: People are saying he's not who he pretends to be. I mean, he's cool with you, but he's a jerk to everyone else.
Chris: You know, I think you're just jealous. Besides, what do you think other kids say about me behind my back?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I think it starts with the letter N.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Name brand cereal is like crack to kids. And when Tonya and Drew opened that variety pack, they became snap, crackle and pop heads.

Quote from Rochelle

Tonya: Give it, or I'm going to tell.
Drew: Tonya, you didn't even want the Frosty Flakes until I had them. Stop!
Tonya: So, you can eat Crazy Bran.
Drew: I'm not eating the Crazy Bran, Tonya. Stop!
Tonya: Stop! You're spilling it!
Rochelle: Okay! Give me those darn cereal! [empties the box into a bowl] I'm sick of y'all fighting over cereal. Every day, y'all... [empties another box] You need a life bigger that cereal! [empties a big box] It's cereal! [mixes it up] Now eat the damn cereal! [puts a spoon, small bowl and a carton of milk in the bowl]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Eat the Damn Cereal. Coming soon from Kellogg's.

Quote from Julius

IRS Agent: [nervous] Can I help you?
Julius: I've got a hypothetical question for you.
IRS Agent: Okay.
Julius: What are the chances that the IRS would demand a refund on a tax refund?
IRS Agent: Hypothetically?
Kill Moves: Hypothetically.
IRS Agent: Well, that hardly ever happens.
Julius: Really?
IRS Agent: Yes. Almost never.
Julius: Almost?
IRS Agent: Very rarely.
Julius: How rare?
IRS Agent: Uh, it's unlikely. I mean, it could take years if they ever even caught the mistake, but they probably wouldn't.
Julius: How probable is that probably?

Quote from Julius

IRS Agent: Did you cash the refund check?
Julius: Hypothetically?
IRS Agent: Yes.
Julius: No.
IRS Agent: Good.
Julius: But my hypothetical wife did.
IRS Agent: Oh.
Julius: Oh? Oh, hey, what's oh? What...?
IRS Agent: Well, if you got a larger than normal refund, um, it's possible you aren't aware of some benefit. Although the IRS takes a lot of money by accident, we usually don't give money away by accident. You'll probably be okay. Hypothetically.
Julius: Probably?
IRS Agent: Possibly. Maybe. I hope.
Julius: Thanks.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father wasn't the only one stressed out because of that refund.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode