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Everybody Hates Christmas

‘Everybody Hates Christmas’

Season 1, Episode 11 -  Aired December 15, 2005

When the water heater breaks in the run up to Christmas, Julius and Rochelle tell Chris he won't be getting a present this year. Meanwhile, Drew ruins the magic of Christmas for Tonya.

Quote from Tonya

Rochelle: Tonya, I thought you were gonna put up the decorations.
Tonya: I don't want to now.
Rochelle: Why not?
Tonya: Because... you and Daddy lied to me.
Rochelle: We lied to you? About what?
Tonya: I know there's no such thing as Santa Claus.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When my mother heard Tonya say those words, it was like she wasn't her baby anymore.
[fantasy:]
30-year-old Tonya: So what else to you lie to me about? Are you really gonna kick me out if I get pregnant? Is it true you ain't taking care of no baby? Can I really not bring a White boy home? Does the Foreman Grill really knock out the fat? Can I really get a loan with no money down? Are you my real mother? Momma, I want answers.

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Quote from Julius

Julius: Hey, man. What you doing?
Chris: I'm taking canned goods to school for the needy.
[cash register sounds as Julius inspects the assorted cans]
Julius: Man, that's $2.89 cent worth of food. What you trying to do, feed the needy or be the needy?

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: Class, since this is the season of giving, I'd like you all to bring in canned food items, so we can donate them to those less fortunate. [places her hand on Chris's shoulder]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It's funny how most people only think about feeding the needy during Christmas. I'm sure there's a lot of hungry people during Presidents Day. [Chris raises his hand]
Ms. Morello: Yes, Chris?
Chris: Do we have to bring in cans? Can we bring in, like, boxes of food?
Ms. Morello: You don't have to bring anything, but that's very thoughtful of you. I know this time of year must be hard for your family.
Chris: No. We're doing fine.
Ms. Morello: I know. I know.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She made it seem like we were having a bowl of steam for dinner that night.

Quote from Rochelle

Chris: Mama, we're having a food drive at school. Can I bring some canned goods?
Rochelle: Okay. But don't take generic brands. Only store brands. I do not want those people thinking we can't afford to donate food.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother would give away all the food we had if she thought it would prove we didn't need it.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: Oh, Chris, look at you. You didn't have to bring any food. Sometimes I forget how strong your people are.
Chris: What do you mean how strong my people are?
Ms. Morello: "What do I mean how strong your people are?" You shall overcome someday. See me after class. I have something for you.
Chris: Okay.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Do I look like Malcolm X to you, lady? How would you like to overcome a brick?

Quote from Julius

Julius: Leave your sister alone. Drew, you believed in the Easter Bunny till you was about her age, and Chris, you damn near lost all your teeth before you stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy.
[After Rochelle signals for Julius to knock it off, he realizes what he's done]
Tonya: There's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy, either?
Julius: Uh...
Rochelle: No, baby, he-he-he didn't mean that.
Tonya: Somebody better give me my teeth back.
Julius: Baby, I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it!
Rochelle: Julius! I can't believe-
Tonya: I want my teeth back!
Julius: Baby, no-
Rochelle: Tonya!
Julius: We were joking! It's a joke! It's a... It's a joke!

Quote from Tonya

Tonya: But if Santa Claus is not real, why do people make it up?
Rochelle: Tonya, Santa is just a way to teach kids about the spirit of giving. He's just a symbol, that's all.
Tonya: Oh.
Rochelle: Tonya, you're a big girl, and, now that you're old enough to know the truth, it's your responsibility to not spoil it for other kids, okay?
Tonya: Because you want to give them something to believe in.
Rochelle: Exactly. That's my big girl. [kisses her forehead] So, you do understand.
Tonya: Yeah. It's okay to lie. Good night, Mommy.
[flash-forward:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You think explaining Santa Claus to Tonya was hard, you should have been there for the birds and the bees.
Tonya: Eww, that's nasty!

Quote from Tonya

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Nobody ever seems to get any sleep on Christmas Eve. Everybody's up for different reasons.
Julius: What you doing, baby?
Tonya: Setting out milk and cookies.
Julius: We talked about this.
Tonya: We did and they're not for Santa. They're for you.
Julius: Thank you, baby.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Now that Tonya knew there wasn't a Santa Claus, her complaints went directly to my mother.
Tonya: Mama, I wanted a Cabbage Patch Doll with long hair.
Rochelle: How about you have no doll with no hair?
Tonya: Oh, thank you.
Rochelle: Okay.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Adult Chris: [v.o.] By the end of the day, it didn't even matter anymore that I didn't have a gift, because I had a good day.
News Anchor: [on TV] And right now, I'm with Mrs. Vivian Morello.
Chris: Hey, that's my teacher.
News Anchor: [on TV] And what are you doing tonight?
Ms. Morello: [on TV] Every year, my students collect food for the very poorest, most destitute and neediest families. These people are so poor, they probably don't have anything but the clothes on their backs. Even though they're embarrassingly underprivileged, they're just too proud to ask for help.
News Anchor: [on TV] Too proud to ask for help.
Ms. Morello: [on TV] And they're poor. And tonight, we're going to give a family this basket.
Rochelle: Now, who wants somebody coming to their door on TV talking about how poor they are?
News Anchor: [on TV] So exciting.
Rochelle: [doorbell rings] Hmm, I'll get it.
[Rochelle opens the door to Ms. Morello, the news anchor and a cameraman]
Both: Merry Christmas!
Rochelle: Chris!

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