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‘Everybody Hates Picture Day’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Picture Day

113. Everybody Hates Picture Day

Aired February 2, 2006

Chris doesn't want to wear Drew's hand-me-ups on school picture day. Meanwhile, Rochelle tries to make some extra money by selling cosmetics.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The only way I was gonna get my mother to spend money on me was if not doing it would embarrass her.
Chris: Mom, I'm the only Black kid in the whole school. They already think I'm a crack baby. Wearing this sweater, they'll probably think I'm on welfare.
Rochelle: Who said we were on welfare? Be home from school on time tomorrow. We're gonna go shopping.
Julius: I thought you said we didn't have the money.
Rochelle: Oh, I'll get it. Or they'll think that we on welfare.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If people thought we were homeless, I could've got some leather socks.

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Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When my mother couldn't get any business to hire her, she would start her own business from home.
Mrs. Dumas: The secret to success in selling Yvonne cosmetics is in attitude. Now, when I started selling Yvonne, I was like a lot of you. I was raising my kids, doing housework and wondering where I went wrong. But since, I've divorced my husband, my kids moved in with my mother, and just last month I won an award, the Yvonne yellow Buick Riviera.
Rochelle: Wait. So, how can we make money again?
Mrs. Dumas: Well, you do like me. You sell your products to women like yourself, then they sell them to women like them.
Rochelle: Now, isn't that the pyramid scheme?
Mrs. Dumas: Oh, no. Of course not. We use the triangulated vertical integration model, or TVI for short. TVIs work from the bottom up. This is your business, ladies. There is no one below you.
Rochelle: So, that means we're at the top.
Mrs. Dumas: No, you're at the bottom. But that's as high as you can go.
Rochelle: Count me in.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Shut up! Now I brought you here to sell some Yvonne, and by damn it, I'm going to sell some Yvonne.
Mrs. Dumas: Rochelle, that is not the way we sell Yvonne.
Rochelle: Be quiet. Now let me ask y'all a question. Why are you here? To buy and sell Yvonne? No. You're here because you can't get a man.
Mrs. Dumas: We're here because we don't need a man.
Rochelle: Didn't I tell you to be quiet? Now, I know y'all say y'all don't want a man, and I know you say you don't need a man, but the truth is, you can't get a man.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What you talking about, Willis?
Rochelle: Look at her. You don't think she don't want a man? Why do you think she wears all this makeup? Believe or not, the heifer's 62 years old. [all exclaiming] But she looks good. And if you want to look like this when you're 62, I suggest that you purchase some... Yvonne. Come on, baby. Please come. Girl, come here 'cause I saw the dry scalp from across the room. And you know what? You gotta get this skin lighter here. You know, it's always ashy. No, let me tell you. You gotta put it on your hands.

Quote from Julius

Chris: Well, can I please wear something else?
Julius: As long as I don't have to pay for it.
Rochelle: Just find something to wear and I'll take a look at it, okay?
Chris: I don't have anything special.
Julius: When I was a kid, we didn't need special clothes. Just having clothes was special.

Quote from Adult Chris

Rochelle: Oh, Chris, you look sharp.
Chris: I look stupid. How come I have to wear Drew's old stuff?
Rochelle: Oh, baby, I had to buy Drew a new pair of pants and Tonya a new pair of shoes for their school pictures.
Julius: Mm, you look fine.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father thought any clothes were good clothes... Well, that's 'cause he didn't have matching socks till he was 29.

Quote from Drew

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my mother was keeping it together, Tonya was tearing things apart.
Drew: You broke my car?
Tonya: It fell.
Drew: It didn't just fall. What were you doing in here anyway?
Tonya: I was trying to see if my doll could ride in it.
Drew: It's a model car. Nobody's supposed to fit in it.
Tonya: It's just a stupid car, Drew.
Drew: Say you're sorry.
Tonya: I ain't saying nothing.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew was a pretty nice guy, but if you crossed him, it was a whole different game.
Drew: It's all right.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Translation: You done messed up.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: What's all this?
Rochelle: Yvonne cosmetics. I'm gonna be a sales rep.
Julius: You're not working from home again, are you?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father hated when my mother went into business for herself.
[flashback:]
Rochelle: [on the phone] I know it's January, sir, but candy corn is not just for Halloween anymore.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She ran up the phone bill. She put my father to work.
[flashback to Rochelle on the phone and Julius holding an unassembled shoe:]
Julius: What you mean you got to put it together yourself?
Rochelle: [on the phone] What size shoe you wear?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And she was always eating.
[flashback:]
Rochelle: [on the phone] Well, Supperware is just like Tupperware, except it's for us.

Quote from Greg

Chris: Hey. What happened to your hair?
Greg: I wanted to try something new for Picture Day.
Chris: Man, you should try again.
Greg: Come on, man, it's like Billy Idol. It's just hair gel.
Chris: Yeah, but on Picture Day, aren't you supposed to look like I don't know... You?
Greg: It was either this or Boy George.
Chris: Boy George? Man, the girls would have been all over you.

Quote from Joey Caruso

Joey Caruso: Hey, ugly bear. Nice shirt. When you get done, you can make some hushpuppies out of it.
Greg: He's just jealous.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother was good at buying stuff, but she was never any good at selling.
Rochelle: Okay, ladies, can I have your attention, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] These women are worse than pigeons in Central Park.
Rochelle: Ladies, can I have your attention, please? Um, ladies, how about we all have a seat? Here, in here, please. Take a seat. Thank you. Please, be seated. Okay, I would like to tell you about the benefits of buying and selling Yvonne cosmetics.
Woman #1: Ooh, what is that?
Rochelle: Oh, this is a light skin-blemish cream. It removes...
Woman #1: No, no, no, I'm talking about the sauce on these wings.
Rochelle: Oh, those are honey barbecue. Yes. So, um...
Woman #1: Ooh, these are good. I mean, good.
Rochelle: Thank you very much, I appreciate that.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: So, getting back to the cosmetic line, what we need to do, ladies, is position ourselves...
Woman #2: What's your name again?
Rochelle: My name is Rochelle.
Woman #21: Rochelle.
Rochelle: Yeah, with Yvonne cosmetics, you need to position yourself in order to-
Woman #2: You know what? I am late. I have got to go pick up my sister's son. I am so sorry. Ooh, but this is really nice. It really was.
Rochelle: But wait, I didn't explain to you the marketing strategy for Yvonne cosmetics.
Woman #2: You know what, we-we'll come back again next time.
Woman #1: All right, then. You know, I'm sorry. You know what? I got to go, too.
Rochelle: Wait, you can't...
Woman #1: I know, I know, I'm so sorry. I gotta go. It's getting late. You so sweet.
Woman #2: God bless your little heart, you're just as cute as you can be.
Rochelle: I, uh... You, too?
Woman #3: This was great. Let us know when you want to do it again.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] They ran out of there like Keith Sweat tickets were on sale.
Rochelle: How you all just going to...? [to herself] Spent all this money!

Quote from Julius

Julius: You need to get it together.
Rochelle: What?
Julius: I put $75 into this, so as far as I'm concerned, that makes us partners. And I want my money back. You think people are just going to buy this junk?
Rochelle: Look, I tried to give my speech, Julius.
Julius: Nobody cares about that. This is makeup, it's not heat, it's not lights, it's not clothes. I don't know how you're going to sell this stuff. But either you going to get my money, or I'm going to get my money.
Rochelle: Now, how are you going to get your money?
Julius: I don't know, but I'm going to get my money.

Quote from Greg

Chris: You've got to be kidding me.
Greg: What choice do you have?
Chris: My mother spent $35 on a new shirt for me to wear. I can't take a picture in lost and found clothes.
Greg: What'd you spend on the pictures, $15?
Chris: Oh, she's going to kill me.
Greg: You'd better take this picture. At least she'll have something to remember you by.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The only thing Greg was worse at than fighting was cheering people up.

Quote from Adult Chris

Greg: It's not suede, but it's not bad.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If I had known kids were losing clothes this cool, I would never have gone shopping in the first place.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Thank you so much. It was great having you. Girl, stop stealing crackers. Take care.
Woman #1: All right now.
Rochelle: All right, girl, no more chicken. All right, take care of that little boy.
Mrs. Dumas: I have to tell you I've never seen anything like this in my life. You know what we should do next? We should schedule another party, but this time let's do it at my house. But, but, I still want you to bring the chicken.
Rochelle: Well, you know what? That sounds really good.
Mrs. Dumas: Great. When do you want to do it?
Rochelle: On your 63rd birthday. [slams the door]

Quote from Chris

Rochelle: Chris, where's your pictures?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I hadn't told my mother about the school picture. But when they arrived, I had no choice.
Chris: Now, before you look at the picture, I have to tell you something.
Rochelle: What?
Chris: Somebody stole my clothes.
Rochelle: Somebody stole your clothes? Why in the world would somebody steal your clothes, boy?
[fantasy: Joey Caruso is autographing photos in Chris's outfit:]
Girl: I got one!
Joey Caruso: Ladies, ladies, please, I'm signing as fast as I can. Joey only has one hand.

Quote from Rochelle

Chris: I don't think you're going to like them.
Rochelle: Chris, even if I don't like the pictures, it's not the end of the world. You are a handsome young man, and I love you either way, baby, okay? It cannot be that bad.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Every now and again, my mother made me feel like I wasn't the biggest nerd in the world. And for a moment, I actually felt like the picture didn't matter.
Rochelle: A lawn jockey?! You took your pictures dressed as a lawn jockey?! What- What, they run out of monkey suits?

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Of all the things in school that could affect your life forever - making friends, taking tests - the one thing that could really affect it was your school picture. If your picture looked good, everybody thought you were cool, and every girl wanted one.
[fantasy: Chris is autographing photos at a table surrounded by girls:]
Girl: I got one!
Chris: Ladies, ladies, please. I'm signing as fast as I can. Chris only has one hand.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When you took a bad picture, it was like giving out subpoenas.
[fantasy: Chris is outside the school where everyone's ignoring him:]
Chris: Hey, I got some yearbook pictures. Five by sevens, five by sevens. Wallet size. Hey, I'll frame it up for you. I will frame it up for you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] So, this year I had to prepare, and the first thing I had to do was find the right outfit. I really wanted to look good. The problem was, my mother wanted me to look good, too.
Rochelle: Chris, I got your outfit for Picture Day.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Only thing missing was a hat with a propeller.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: How much does all of this cost?
Rochelle: $75.
Julius: Where'd you get $75?
Rochelle: From our savings account.
Julius: How are we supposed to save anything if you keep taking money out?
Rochelle: I need money to buy a new outfit for Chris's Picture Day. But if you don't think that I can do it, then fine.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Translation: How come you're always putting me down?
Julius: It's not that. I I just don't want all these women hanging out over here, running their mouth, eating our food and wasting your time.
Rochelle: It's not gonna be a waste of time.
Julius: All right.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Drew was getting revenge, and Tonya couldn't tell how.
Tonya: What are you doing in my room?
Drew: Are you gonna say sorry?
Tonya: No.
Drew: Okay.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's the same thing Martha Stewart said before they sent her to jail.

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