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‘Everybody Hates the G.E.D.’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates the G.E.D.

422. Everybody Hates the G.E.D.

Aired May 8, 2009

When Chris is told he must repeat the 10th grade after being late too many times, he makes a big decision. Meanwhile, Drew performs on Amateur Night at The Apollo, Tonya graduates sixth grade, and Julius wants his $25 back after lending it to Pam.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Usually, my mother was my judge, jury and executioner, but now she was my lawyer.
Rochelle: Why does he have to repeat the entire tenth grade? Can't he just repeat one day?
Ms. Morello: Let me put it in your vernacular. Rules is rules. [snaps fingers]
Rochelle: What did you say?
Chris: It's okay, Ma. She does that. I'll explain it later.


Quote from Joey Caruso

Joey Caruso: Hey, Kelly, Alex. So is it true, you flunked out?
Chris: I didn't flunk out. But I am leaving school.
Joey Caruso: Cool. You want to hang out sometime?
Chris: You're kidding me, right?
Joey Caruso: No, I mean, I've been beating the crap out of you all these years, because secretly, I've been envious of your determination and your accomplishments. I was only trying to crush your spirit so I wouldn't feel inferior. But now that you're dropping out, society will take over, so we can hang.
Chris: So who are you gonna pick on when I'm gone?
[Greg turns away as Caruso's eyes land on him]
Greg: Just give me a minute. [looks off into the distance] All right, go ahead. [Caruso punches Greg]

Quote from Julius

Pam: Hey, Julius, what are you doing over here? You need a shave?
Julius: No. I need $25.
Pam: $25? I don't know, that's a lot. I'm not comfortable with loaning out that kind of money.
Julius: Neither was I when I loaned it to you. Can I get my money back, please?
Pam: Oh, my God, I forgot all about that.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] How do you forget where you got some free money?
Julius: How do you forget where you got some free money? I found $20 dollars one time. I was on Flatbush Avenue in front of the check-cashing place. It was 5:07 p.m. on a Wednesday. Sixty-four degrees. I remember it like it was yesterday. I found a 10, a 5, a $2 bill, $2 and 50 cents in quarters, three nickels and 25 pennies. One of them was Canadian.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After all my parents did for me, I tried to do something for myself.
Julius: G.E.D.?
Chris: Yeah, it's just like graduating from high school.
Rochelle: No, it's not. Do you get a G.E.D. cap and gown? Could people sign your G.E.D. yearbook? Do they have a G.E.D. reunion?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yes, it's called Flavor of Love.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Just about everything I ever went through in school was hard. The work was tough.
Chris: "Q"? What's a Q?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The people were mean.
Chris: [to Greg] Go ahead. [Greg runs away]
[Caruso keeps blocking Chris]
Chris: Are we having a fight or a dance-off?
Joey Caruso: [punches Chris] You know I can't dance.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But the one thing about school that was harder than anything else...
Rochelle: Chris, wake up.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] ...was getting there.
Rochelle: It's time to go to school. You can't learn nothing in bed.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Tell that to Kim Kardashian.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] While most people kids were still sleeping, I had to get my clothes on, wash my face, brush my teeth, eat...
Chris: Hey-hey-hey! Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! Wait, wait!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] ...and then catch three buses. If I got the first one on time, it gave me just enough time to catch the second one... which usually made me right on time to catch the third one. And if nothing went wrong, I'd be on time.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: Here. Just for the record, Chris, you can't afford to be late again. The clocks in this school are set to Eastern Standard Time, not CP time.
Chris: What difference does it make? We took all our tests. We only got, like, one more week to go.
Ms. Morello: Counting today, you have been late 29 times this year, and 30 is the limit. If you're late again, you will not be promoted. You will have to repeat the tenth grade.
Chris: Say what?
Ms. Morello: Say word.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Oh, there's a word I want to say, all right.

Quote from Tonya

Tonya: Hey, Daddy, can I get my hair done at Nessa's for graduation?
Julius: Sure, baby.
Tonya: Can I get a new dress too?
Rochelle: You don't need a new dress. You can wear your church dress.
Tonya: But I wore that for Easter. If I wear it for graduation, I'll look back at the pictures, won't know what I'm remembering.
Rochelle: You'll remember that we couldn't afford to buy you two dresses.
Chris: Plus, in one of the pictures, you'll be holding the chocolate bunny. [kisses Rochelle] Love you. Good night.

Quote from Drew

Rochelle: What are you writing, Drew?
Drew: It's a list of things I can do on Amateur Night at The Apollo. I'm gonna try out.
Julius: Drew, that's a tough audience. You can't just go up there and do anything. They will boo you faster than Casper on Halloween.
Rochelle: Stevie Wonder could see before he did Amateur Night. They booed him blind.
Tonya: They booed Magic Johnson so bad, he gave up singing.
Drew: Magic Johnson is a basketball player.
Tonya: Now.
Drew: Well, they're not gonna boo me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what Roseanne said before she sang the national anthem.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, my father was about to make a huge mistake.
Julius: Hey, Pam.
Pam: Oh, Julius, thank God.
Julius: Why, what happened? You hit the number again?
Pam: No, I need $25. I left my wallet at home, and I need to pick up my dry cleaning.
Julius: Pam, you know how I feel about lending people money.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Like the Klan feels about Black people.
Pam: Julius, you know I'm good for it. You'll get it back so quick, you won't even know you gave it to me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Save yourself some time. Don't give it to her.
Julius: Didn't your hair used to be yellow?
Pam: That's blond.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Rochelle: Well, I don't understand why you can't make an exception for him. I mean, didn't he pass all his tests, including his finals?
Ms. Morello: Yes, but this isn't about education. This is about punctuality. Look, could I appeal to a higher authority and have Chris promoted liked we did when the Vice Superintendent's daughter got pregnant and missed the entire tenth grade? Yes! But you don't really want your son being coddled and helped through life and all of its obstacles like some rich little White girl, do you?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Say yes, say yes!
Rochelle: No. No, I guess you're right.
Ms. Morello: I am. You may not realize this now, Chris, but making you repeat the tenth grade is the biggest favor I'm ever going to do for you.

Quote from Kill Moves

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was trying to make the grade at Tattaglia, Drew was figuring out how to make the cut.
Mr. Omar: Amateur Night?
Kill Moves: Amateur Night?
James: Are you crazy?
Kill Moves: Are you crazy?
Mr. Omar: You know, the Pope came to Harlem once. Tried to give mass at the Apollo.
Jerome: Got booed off.
Kill Moves: Got booed off.
Monk: That crowd was tougher than the Vietcong.
Kill Moves: Tougher than the Vietcong.
Risky: You know, we all performed at the Apollo.
Drew: Oh, yeah? What'd you do?
All: Sang Luther Vandross' "A House Is Not a Home."
[montage of Mr. Omar, James, Jerome, Kill Moves singing "A House Is Not a Home" on Amateur Nite]
Drew: Wow! So, what happened?
All: Got booed off.
Kill Moves: Got booed off.

Quote from Adult Chris

Pam: So, Julius, what do you think?
Julius: Looks nice.
Pam: Yeah, just wrap it up for the next couple of nights, it'll hold.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what they told Michael Jackson about his face.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After my mother tried knocking some sense into me, she tried to talk some sense into me.
Rochelle: Chris, I'm not gonna sit back and watch you throw your life away.
Chris: Mom, you can't make me go.
Rochelle: I did not spend all these years trying to make sure that you-
Julius: He's right, Rochelle. We can't force him to go. But if you think you're gonna sit around this house all day, think again. If you don't go to school, you go to work.
Rochelle: Well, what kind of job is he supposed to get with a tenth-grade education?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I don't know, ask George Bush.
Julius: What's it gonna be, Chris?

Quote from Greg

Greg: So that's it? You're quitting school?
Chris: Look, I'm not repeating the tenth grade. I don't know what else to do.
Greg: Well, have you thought about a G.E.D.?
Chris: G.E.D.?
Greg: In the job market, it would put you on an equal level with any ex-con. Except for the ones who finished high school. I suppose it's for the best, though.
Chris: How's that?
Greg: If you're a sophomore I'm a junior, there's no way I could be seen with you. I don't have any more cool points to lose, dude.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] From the zero you started out with.

Quote from Julius

Chris: Ma, a lot of people got their G.E.D. and did fine. I looked it up.
Rochelle: Yeah? Like who?
Chris: Bill Cosby got a G.E.D.
Rochelle: So what, you want to be comedian? Ha! Very funny.
Julius: Chris, is this what you want to do?
Chris: Yes. I'll make you all proud of me.
Julius: Okay.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] As long as you're out when you're 18.
Julius: It'll be all right. If he doesn't make us proud, I'll kill him, and nobody'll ever know.

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