Rochelle Quotes Page 1 of 36

Quote from Everybody Hates Sausage

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!

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Quote from Everybody Hates the Pilot

Rochelle: If I ever catch any of y'all spray painting on anybody's wall, I'm gonna put my foot so far up your behind, you'll have toes for teeth. Get inside.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's my mother Rochelle. She had a hundred recipes for whooping ass.
[montage:]
Rochelle: Boy, I will slap the caps off your knees.
Rochelle: I will knock you into last night.
Rochelle: I will slap your name out the phonebook and call Ma Bell and tell her I did it.

Quote from Everybody Hates Sausage

Julius: Baby, if she doesn't eat they could call child welfare on us.
Rochelle: Mm-mm, Julius, that little girl is testing me. And if I let her tell me what she will and won't eat; the next thing you know, she'll be telling me what she will and won't wear. Then, the next thing you know, she'll be telling me when she will and won't come home! And then the next thing you know, she's going to end up pregnant... And I ain't taking care of no babies.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother always thought anything that Tonya did wrong would eventually get her pregnant. And she ain't taking care of no babies.

Quote from Everybody Hates Fat Mike

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't know Fat Mike's real name, I didn't know where he lived. All I knew was, I had to get my bike back, because if I didn't...
[fantasy:]
Tonya: Mama, where's Chris?
Rochelle: Somebody stole his bike after I told him not to let anybody ride it. So I smacked him into next week.
Drew: I told you.
Rochelle: He'll be back on Tuesday.

Quote from Everybody Hates Fat Mike

Adult Chris: [v.o.] As much as my mother complains about housework, she hated to have somebody else do it. And after my father got his job back, she got to do one of the things she does best...
[cut to Rochelle in the office:]
Rochelle: File your own damn papers. I do not need this. My husband has two jobs.

Quote from Everybody Hates Greg

Rochelle: You want something to eat?
Julius: Aren't you supposed to be at work?
Rochelle: Well, I have a little time off.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What actually happened was...
[flashback to Rochelle helping a customer when a woman walks over with a pair of shoes:]
Woman: Do you have these in a size eight?
Rochelle: Do you see me helping somebody else? All that hollerin' at people. I do not need this. My man has two jobs. And you ain't no damn eight. Get her an eleven!

Quote from Everybody Hates the Class President

Rochelle: Baby, what do you have to be stressed out about? You have a beautiful wife, two good jobs, and three wonderful kids, a nice home in Bed-Stuy... [chuckles] You're stressed? I mean, I'm the one who should be stressed. I mean, I got to deal with a house in the ghetto, three crazy kids, a man that's never home, and now I got to deal with you and this high blood pressure. [scoffing] You- You're stressed.

Quote from Everybody Hates Superstition

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, my mother had another way of getting her point across.
Rochelle: The next time you ask me to do something after your father told you no, I'm going to pop the pores off your face, do you understand me?
Drew: Yes, ma'am.

Quote from Everybody Hates Earth Day

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I had my father on my side, my mother was going to get a teacher off of Tonya's back.
Rochelle: I don't see why I have to take a whole day off of work, to come down here for this nonsense.
Mrs. Wilson: I don't think it's nonsense. Tonya was exhibiting some aggressive behavior toward a classmate. I just wanted you to be aware of it.
Tonya: I was just trying to read, and she wouldn't be quiet.
Rochelle: Girl, you interrupt me again, I'm going to knock the sound out of your mouth.

Quote from Everybody Hates Tasha

Rochelle: You know, Julius, you know how much a light bulb costs per watt. How can you not know that you have another wife?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because those things are less complicated.
Julius: I do not have another wife.
Rochelle: Yes, you do! Look, look, look. It says so right there! You know what? What I want to know is, if she's your wife, then what am I?
Julius: You're my wife.
Rochelle: No! I'm your concubine!

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