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‘Everybody Hates Rejection’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Rejection

201. Everybody Hates Rejection

Aired October 1, 2006

After his crush Keisha moves away, Chris asks a girl out on a date. Meanwhile, Rochelle doesn't exactly hit it off with her new neighbor, Louise Clark (guest star Whoopi Goldberg), as Bed-Stuy suffers a crime wave.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Oh, baby, have a good time. But not too good a time, 'cause you know I'm not raising no babies.

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Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother was a ghetto snob, so to her, this wasn't just a block watch meeting. It was a Rochelle watch meeting.
Julius: What's all this?
Rochelle: Food for the block watch meeting.
Julius: You're supposed to be watching the block, not feeding it.
Rochelle: Julius, I can't invite people over here without feeding them.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] People in my neighborhood never got together without bringing food.
[flashback to Rochelle arriving in hospital to see a man in an entire body cast:]
Rochelle: Oh, I am so sorry you got run over by a truck. But I brought you some ribs.
[flashback to Rochelle going outside to a grieving mother standing by a chalk outline on the road:]
Woman: My baby! They killed my baby. [sobs]
Rochelle: I'm sorry about your baby. Catfish?

Quote from Julius

Julius: Enjoy yourself. This is half off on a soda and box of Jujubes.
Chris: Thanks.
Julius: Oh, what the hell. Here's a coupon for a free box of popcorn.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The last time my father gave man an extra coupon was when I gave him a get-one coupon, get-one-coupon-free coupon.
Julius: Have a good time. You look good, man. [chuckles] That's my boy.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Standing there waiting for Yvette was one of the best feelings I'd had. But after 15 minutes, I thought, "Maybe the buses are running late." After 30 minutes, I thought, "Maybe the bus broke down." After an hour, I thought, "Maybe the bus got in an accident, skidded through the guardrail, exploded in midair, and ended up at the bottom of the East River." After the movie was over, I thought, "Maybe she never got on that bus at all." To this day, I can't make it through Footloose without crying.

Quote from Jerome

Adult Chris: [v.o.] We had only been living in Bed-Stuy for a year when the crime rate started to go through the roof. In the late '90s, they had the Internet boom, but in the '80s, we had the crack boom. It used to take years to become a junkie, but crack cut that down to 37 minutes. Even on my block, things were starting to get out of control. The muggers were getting mugged.
Jerome: [to a boy] Let me hold a quarter.
Mugger: What's up, little man? Let me hold a dollar right quick. I'll take that quarter, too.

Quote from Jerome

White Cop: Now, what's very important, also, in the Block Watch program is, if you are away from your house for any extended period of time...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In Bed-Stuy, that's 12 minutes.
White Cop: ...you must alert the other Block Watch members.
Louise Clarkson: And they will watch your property.
White Cop: Correct. Nicely done. All right, like let's say one of you is on your way to Florida...
Rochelle: Florida?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The closest my family came to Florida, was watching Esther Rolle on Good Times.
Vanessa: Now I get it. Then the rest of us can watch out for their house.
Jerome: I'll take the night shift.

Quote from Vanessa

White Cop: Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies... Let's put it to a vote.
Rochelle: Please.
White Cop: Okay.
Vanessa: Who made the pie?
Rochelle: I did.
Vanessa: I nominate Rochelle to be the first Block Watch captain.
Louise Clarkson: Uh-uh. No. You cannot nominate because she made some pie.
Jerome: It's some good pie.
Louise Clarkson: Shut up.

Quote from Jerome

White Cop: Okay, okay. Any questions, any questions?
Jerome: I have one. So, what type of places would you consider to be the most vulnerable? Like, say an offender was gonna break into somebody's house. Who would be the best victim?
White Cop: That's a very good question.
Vanessa: No, it's not. You just break into a house where nobody's home.
White Cop: That's right.
Jerome: Cool. I got to go.
Louise Clarkson: What? Oh!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] With a four second head start, Jerome stole four stereos.

Quote from Greg

Greg: That's a bummer man. Did she say what happened?
Chris: I haven't heard from her. Why do girls do junk like that?
Greg: I don't know what to tell you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Greg and I had the same conversation last night and he still didn't know what to tell me.
Greg: That sucks. Man, I don't know how you made it to school today. Stood up, out there on the street, talk about embarrassing. If I were you, I'd be so depressed, I'd be standing on the top of the Brooklyn Bridge with a hundred pounds of rocks tied around my ankles and a bag of rats wrapped around my head, ready to jump...
Chris: Okay, I get it.
Greg: Forget about it, man. You're a nice guy.
Chris: Aren't you the same one who called me a little Black bum?
Greg: Like I said, I was improvising. If it makes you feel any better, I would have shown up.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That didn't mean anything. Greg once showed up at a sneaker-string taste test.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Hey! I'm watching you!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because my mother was the Block Watch captain, if anything happened in the neighborhood, Miss Louise made sure she heard about it.
[montage:]
Louise Clarkson: They're spraying graffiti downstairs.
Rochelle: I'll file a report.
Louise Clarkson: There's a mad dog chasing people!
Rochelle: I'll file a report.
Louise Clarkson: Somebody stole my mail.
Rochelle: I'll file a report.
Louise Clarkson: I can't find my glasses.
Rochelle: I'll file a report.
Louise Clarkson: Larry and them coming.
Rochelle: I'll file a report.

Quote from Adult Chris

Yvette: Hey, Chris.
Chris: Oh, hey, what happened to you yesterday?
Yvette: That's right. We were supposed to go see Footloose. I totally forgot.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't know it then, but, for years to come, I dated an awful lot of women with amnesia.
[flash-forward to 1987:]
Girl: Oh, that's right. We're supposed to go to the prom together. I totally forgot.
[flash-forward to 1997:]
Girl: That's right. We were supposed to do something for your birthday. Totally forgot.
[flash-forward to the present day:]
Woman: Oh, that's right. I was supposed to give you a kidney. Boy, I forgot all about you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Until I got famous, I never met a woman that could remember anything.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't want to believe Doc was right about Yvette, so I decided to see for myself.
Chris: [on the phone] Hey, Yvette. Yeah, it's Chris.
Yvette: Hi.
Chris: Listen, about those tickets, yeah. I found out they were fake.
Yvette: For real?
Chris: But you know, we can still go out to a movie. Yeah, I found out there's this new movie... [dial tone] Hello? [Chris redials]
Operator: [three tones] The number you have reached has been disconnected.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Hmm. Maybe a bus crashed into her phone.

Quote from Drew

Chris: What are you doing?
Drew: I'm quitting the Patrol Boys.
Chris: Why?
Drew: Girls are crazy.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No truer words have ever been spoken.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Keisha was the first girl I ever really cared about. Even though she never really cared about me. When I found out her family was moving, I was sad to see her go.
Chris: Hey, where y'all moving to?
Keisha: We're going to this place in California. It's supposed to be really, really nice. Palm trees and lawns and no violence and no crime.
Chris: Well, what's it called?
Keisha: Compton.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I always wondered how that worked out for them.
[Compton:]
Man: [o.s.] Bust a cap in 'em!
Man: [o.s.] Get down, Keisha! Get down, girl, get down!

Quote from Greg

Chris: It was your idea. You going to help me or not?
Greg: Fine. Hurry up.
Chris: Hey, Yvette. So, you want to go out with me sometime?
Greg: No, you skinny Black bum.
Chris: I thought the worst you could say was no.
Greg: I was improvising.
Chris: Well, you know, since you're making stuff up couldn't you have said yes?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He wasn't my type anyway.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother didn't want to accept that things were getting worse until someing happened to us.
Julius: [o.s.] Rochelle!
Rochelle: What? I'm in here.
Julius: My truck got stolen!
Rochelle: What?! Oh, no!
Julius: I could get fired for this.
Rochelle: Well, baby, are you sure it's stolen? Maybe you just forgot where you parked it.
Julius: Rochelle, it's not keys, it's a truck. Even if I forgot where I parked it, you can still see it, 'cause it's a truck!

Quote from Doc

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Asking Greg out was one thing, but Yvette was a whole 'nother story.
Risky: When you ask a girl out, you've got to have your game together.
Doc: Chris, look, a woman got a lot of choices, so you got to show her something that separates you from the other guys.
Risky: Mmm-hmm. Well, I've got the perfect thing for you: Drakkar Noir. Drives the ladies wild. Four dollars.
Doc: You can't sell that in here.
Risky: Why not?
Doc: 'Cause I'll break your other arm. Here, try this one. [sprays Chris] Yeah. That's just five dollars. [Chris coughs]

Quote from Vanessa

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The toughest part about getting a block watch was finding people who had stuff worth watching.
White Cop: All right, now, the most important part of the Block Watch program is... communication. So if you see anything, you have to file a report. Without information, not a lot your local police can do.
Rochelle: Okay, well, what type of information?
Louise Clarkson: Like if you see somebody stealing my couch, tell me.
Vanessa: Excuse me?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Translation: "What you say, heifer?"

Quote from Rochelle

White Cop: All right. Another very important part of a Block Watch program is awareness, huh? And that's why you have these. These are stickers, and these are gonna in your window. These stickers will be seen by the offenders, and then they will be less likely to offend.
Vanessa: You mean steal?
White Cop: Correct. Nicely done.
Rochelle: Well, why she get a button?
Louise Clarkson: Stickers? You think that's gonna keep people from coming into the house and hitting me over the head, 'cause I got a sticker in the window?
Rochelle: If she wasn't so damn evil, nobody would be trying to hit her over the head.
Louise Clarkson: Excuse me?
Rochelle: You're excused.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because I was going on a date for the first time, everyone had a helpful suggestion.
Rochelle: Be sure to compliment her on her shoes. Girls like that.
Chris: Shoes, right.
Julius: Tell her you got a job. Girls like that more.
Chris: Job, I got it.
Drew: And hold a piece of gum under your tongue and let it soak so your breath won't stink.
Chris: Okay, gum.
Tonya: Oh, yeah, and if the movie is sad, don't cry. She'll think you're a punk.
Chris: It's Footloose. I ain't gonna cry.

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