Julius Quote #344
Julius: I knew this androgynous guy when I was coming up.
Chris: You did?
Julius: Yeah. He was one of the baddest dudes I ever met. Pink Bobby Jenkins. He was androgynous way before it was popular. Everybody used to make fun of him.
Chris: Pink Bobby? So did you guys hang out?
Julius: Nope. I didn't want people to think I was androgynous. Then one day, I was coming home from school, and these guys jumped me. Oh, they had me too. Then, next thing I know, here comes Pink Bobby. Man, Pink Bobby was knocking suckers out. I asked him why'd he help me, even though I wouldn't talk to him. But he said he didn't care that I didn't talk to him. It was because I didn't talk about him. After that, we were always cool.
Chris: And people didn't think you were androgynous?
Julius: Look, Chris, unless you show up in a dress, heels and makeup, nobody's gonna think you're androgynous.
Chris: Thanks, Dad.
Quote from Rochelle
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back on my block, somebody was catching heat besides me.
Peaches: A ticket? How you gonna give me a ticket?
Meter Maid: You're parked by a hydrant.
Peaches: Do you see a fire? Do you smell smoke? Do you see a dog trying to pee? You know what? You need to give yourself a ticket. You're the one that's double-parked. You give me that pad. Got you now. Now who's violent? Ah! How you like me now? Oh, oh. What, what, what? Now, you got your ticket. What, you want some of this?
Rochelle: Would you look at that? Now, she should be ashamed of herself.
Drew: Didn't you have a fight with that meter maid?
Rochelle: That was different.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No, it wasn't.
Rochelle: Do you see a fire? Do you smell smoke? Do you see a dog trying to pee? What you need to do is give yourself a ticket. You're the one that's double-parked! Give me that! Give me that. How's it feel now? I give the tickets!
Quote from Vanessa
Vanessa: What were you doing? Aiding and abetting or something?
Peaches: Yeah, you know how that is.
Rochelle: You do?
Vanessa: It almost happened to me once. I was just sitting in a car.
Peaches: Supposed to be on a date?
Vanessa: Guy hops in with a bag of money...
Peaches: Talk about, "Drive!"
Vanessa: Drive? I hopped out and ran.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what you should've done.
Peaches: That's what I should've done.
Quote from Greg
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After all was said and done, even a roomful of girls wasn't the same as having one good friend.
[After group of students flee, Greg walks out]
Chris: Greg? What are you doing here?
Greg: Got kicked out of the Bronx Academy. So I'm back.
Chris: See you still have that coat.
Greg: I've changed in ways you couldn't imagine, Chris. I've seen things. I've done things. I've tasted blood and it tastes good.
Joey Caruso: Taste that, Tonto. [knocks Greg to the floor] See you later, Kemo Sabe.
[When Greg gets up, he is back in his normal clothing]
Chris: Welcome back, dude.
Choir: [sings] Everybody hates Chris... And Greg
Quote from Everybody Hates the Pilot
Julius: I know you're not gonna threw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.
Quote from Everybody Hates Elections
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and found out I lost $10. And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair. Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's how that sounded to my father.
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and discovered that I lost my $10. [garbled babbling] Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
Julius: You lost $10? That's $10 worth of dollars.
Quote from Everybody Hates a Part Time Job
Chris: I was hoping you could give me an allowance.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I know it sounded like an innocent enough question, but here's what he heard.
Chris: Since you work like a slave all day and don't have any time to enjoy your own money, can I have it?
Julius: I'm not giving you money for walking around doing nothing. An allowance? I'll allow you to sleep here at night. I'll allow you to eat them potatoes. I'll allow you to use my lights. I'll allow you to drink my Kool-Aid. I'll allow you to nibble on them green beans. I'll allow you to look at that TV. I'll allow you to run up my gas bill. I'll allow you to walk up my stairs. I'll allow you to ask me these ridiculous-ass questions. Why should I give you an allowance when I already paid for everything you do? Who you know that gets an allowance? Huh? I'm finished.
Chris: I was talking to Greg and he said that he gets five dollars a week.
Julius: Sounds like Greg's doing better than me. Ask him for an allowance. You want to buy a leather coat, you need to get a leather-coat job.