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‘Everybody Hates a Part Time Job’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates a Part Time Job

112. Everybody Hates a Part Time Job

Aired January 19, 2006

Chris has his eyes on a leather jacket so he decides to get a part-time job. Meanwhile, Drew and Tonya's school is closed because of lead paint.

Quote from Julius

Chris: I was hoping you could give me an allowance.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I know it sounded like an innocent enough question, but here's what he heard.
[fantasy:]
Chris: Since you work like a slave all day and don't have any time to enjoy your own money, can I have it?
[reality:]
Julius: I'm not giving you money for walking around doing nothing. An allowance? I'll allow you to sleep here at night. I'll allow you to eat them potatoes. I'll allow you to use my lights. I'll allow you to drink my Kool-Aid. I'll allow you to nibble on them green beans. I'll allow you to look at that TV. I'll allow you to run up my gas bill. I'll allow you to walk up my stairs. I'll allow you to ask me these ridiculous-ass questions. Why should I give you an allowance when I already paid for everything you do? Who you know that gets an allowance? Huh? I'm finished.
Chris: I was talking to Greg and he said that he gets five dollars a week.
Julius: Sounds like Greg's doing better than me. Ask him for an allowance. You want to buy a leather coat, you need to get a leather-coat job.

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Quote from Adult Chris

Rochelle: Well, what do you need a leather jacket for? What's wrong with Drew's old coat?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Instead of Drew wearing my old clothes, I wore his old clothes. I think I was the first kid to get hand-me-ups.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Okay, baby, I'm gonna take you to the emergency room. Wait here. I'm gonna get your coat. Drew, get up!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Going to the doctor was serious business, because usually, if something was wrong with one of us, my parents thought they could fix it with Robitussin.
[flashback to Drew touching his finger to the stove:]
Drew: Ow! I burned my finger!
Rochelle: Let me see, boy, let me see. Take some Robitussin.
[flashback to Julius and Rochelle looking in Tonya's mouth:]
Julius: Looks like a tooth broke off.
Rochelle: Yeah. I'll go get the Robitussin.
[flashback to Rochelle opening the door to a concerned Tonya:]
Rochelle: What?
Tonya: Mama, Chris just got hit by a car.
Rochelle: Oh, my God, I'll go get the Robitussin.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Excuse me, nurse. My baby's stomach is killing her.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The thing about people who work in emergency rooms is they're not the ones with the emergency, you are.
Nurse: Really?
Admittance Clerk: But did you see Tracy last week with her new man?
Rochelle: Do you see me standing here with a sick child?
Admittance Clerk: Do you see me here talking to somebody? Quit hollerin' at people! You know, I don't need this. My man has three jobs!

Quote from Julius

Chris: It's too small, it's out of style, and it's just not cool.
Julius: It ain't supposed to be cool. It's supposed to be warm. Being warm is cool.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since my father was always working, he always seemed kind of grumpy. It seemed like there was never a good time to ask my father for money.
Tonya: Daddy, can I have $15 to go on a field trip to the the Statue of Liberty?
Julius: Okay.
Drew: And, Dad, can I have $5 to go to the show?
Julius: Okay.
Rochelle: Baby, can I get $25 to go shopping?
Julius: Okay.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It looks like this might be a good time after all.
Chris: Hey, Dad? Can I get a leather jacket?
Julius: A leather jacket? You got some leather-jacket money?

Quote from Julius

Julius: You want to come and work with me?
Chris: For real?
Julius: Yeah. Tomorrow's Saturday. You can come do deliveries with me. I'll be back in a few hours. Now be downstairs at 3:30. Not 3:31.
Chris: Don't worry. I'll be down early.
Julius: No such thing as early. You're either on time or you're late.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While things might have been tight with my father, my mother was getting loose. She was always happy when she had the house to herself. She caught up on her reading. She talked on the phone. She ate expensive candy she hid from us. But there was one thing that she never counted on to mess up her day.
Rochelle: Coming. [opens door] What are y'all doing here?
Tonya: Something went wrong at our school.
Drew: Something about the paint.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Before vending machines were put into schools, hungry kids often snacked on lead paint chips.
Boy: Mmm. This is good! [faints]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If we had ladders, he'd have ate the asbestos.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought my father would be really mad that I missed work. Instead of getting a leather jacket, I thought I was going to get a leather belt.
Julius: What happened to you this morning?
Chris: I overslept. How come you didn't come get me?
Julius: You the one who want the job. Job ain't gonna wait for you.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After everything I'd been through, I understood my father a lot more. Because when you work that hard, you think about every dime you spend. And I was thinking about how I was going to spend mine.
Chris: $25?
Julius: That's right. You earned every penny. Don't forget to ice down your arms.
Chris: But I need $50 for the jacket.
Julius: No, you don't. You want $50. There's a difference.
Chris: When I asked you for the jacket, you said I should get a job. And I got a job.
Julius: Job didn't pay enough. You got $25. I didn't make my first $25 till I was 30 years old. And I still got two of 'em. Look, you want the jacket, save your money. You can work with me again next week.
Chris: Okay.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, I was still wishing that my job had worked out a little better. After all I'd gone through with my father, I appreciated him that much more.
Boy: Hi, man. How do you like my jacket?
Chris: You got that one?
Boy: I got the last one on sale.
[A sales associate replaces the price tag with $99.99 instead of $49.99]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But I didn't go out in the middle of the night and do all that work for nothing.
[six month's later, on a hot summer's day:]
Keisha: Aren't you hot in that thing?
Chris: Please. I'm fine. [faints]

Quote from Chris

Greg: You think a leather jacket's going to make you cool?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It made these guys gazillionaires. [picture of Run-DMC]
Chris: It could. The only thing is, I don't have $50.
Greg: Just save up your allowance.
Chris: My what?
Greg: Allowance. It's money. That your parents give you every week.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'd heard about allowances, but I didn't know they actually existed. I thought it was just something that happened on TV.
[fantasy: black-and-white footage of a young White boy getting his allowance:]
Man: Here you go, son.
Boy: A thousand dollars. Thank you, father.

Quote from Rochelle

Drew: So we can go back after they finish repainting our classrooms.
Rochelle: All right, well, y'all stay out of my way, cause I'm cleaning up.
Tonya: What are we going to do all day?
Rochelle: I don't know. Go play. But you all better not mess up my house till after 4:30! I mean, asbestos kills, a little paint ain't gonna hurt.

Quote from Greg

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, I felt like the only guy on earth without a leather jacket.
Chris: You got a leather jacket?
Greg: Cool, huh? My dad got it for me at the army surplus store.
Chris: Hey, weren't you the one who said that leather didn't make you cool?
Greg: Yeah, but I was wrong.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Finding a job when you're 13 is not the easiest thing to do. I applied for easy jobs...
Shopkeeper: Now why would I pay you to put groceries in a bag when I can put them in a bag my damn self?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I applied for hard jobs...
Shoe Shop Owner: Security guard, huh? You ever been shot?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I even applied for jobs I didn't know I was applying for.
Barber: You any good with matches? There's a new barber down the block. He needs to be taught a lesson.

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