Julius: You can't just quit every time you don't like something. I mean, what if Miles Davis had quit the trumpet?
Chris: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. What if George Washington Carver quit the peanut? What if B.B. King quit "Lucille"? What if Paul Robeson quit "Old Man River"? [time lapse] What if Bill Cosby quit Jell-O? What if Mr. T quit pitying the fool? What if Stevie quit wondering? What if Fat Albert quit The Cosby Kids. [time lapse] What if Ashford quit Simpson? What if Michael Jackson quit doing the moonwalk? What if Diana Ross quit The Supremes?
Julius: Diana Ross did quit the Supremes.
Chris: You get my point.
Julius: Just go get a job.
Chris: Okay.

Doc: Minimum wage. Shoot. There was a time when the maximum wage for Black folks was zero.
Chris: But now the government requires that you pay me $3.35 an hour.
Doc: Well, work for the government. Look, Chris, I like having you around and you do a good job. But I just can't spare the money.
Chris: It's only 35 cents more an hour.
Doc: 35 cent an hour... that's $28 a month. That's three cartons of milk a day, that's two boxes of Mike and Ike an hour. That's no.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's when I realized I'd found the one person cheaper than my father.

Rochelle: What happened, baby?
Drew: I studied, but when I sat down, my mind went blank.
Rochelle: Your mind went blank? What kind of excuse is that? Did you eat breakfast?
Drew: Yes.
Rochelle: Well, did you get a good night's sleep?
Drew: Yes.
Rochelle: Well, boy, did you hit your head on a stupid rock on the way to school?
Drew: No.
Rochelle: Well, I'm gonna help you study for that next test. 'Cause I didn't raise no dummies.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Bush's mom says that, too.

Vanessa: Now, remember, don't move it.
Pam: Don't touch it.
Vanessa: Don't stick anything in it.
Pam: Don't scratch your head.
Vanessa: Don't move your eyebrows.
Pam: Don't shower.
Vanessa: Don't bathe.
Pam: Wash up.
Vanessa: And, most important of all, don't lie down.
Rochelle: Well, how am I supposed to sleep?
Vanessa: You're not supposed to sleep. You're a hair model.
Rochelle: Well, models sleep. They don't eat.
Vanessa: Not hair models. They eat, not sleep.

Rochelle: You failed the test again?! But we studied this, boy! What happened?
Drew: I don't know. My brain froze.
Rochelle: Well, you better thaw it out!

Adult Chris: [v.o.] At dinner, Drew looked sadder than 69-cent shoes.
Rochelle: Hey, Drew. What's wrong?
Drew: Failed my history test.
Tonya: Told you sleeping in a room with Chris would make you stupid.
Rochelle: Tonya, hush.

Vanessa: I've decided to go with the one that is the most difficult technique-wise. Ah, ah. The Tsunami.
Rochelle: Whoa. You know what, I heard the last hairdresser who tried the Tsunami died.
Pam: No, actually, the hairdresser was fine. It was the model that died.
Rochelle: What?
Vanessa & Pam: Mm-hmm.
Vanessa: Hairspray poison.
Rochelle: Wait a minute, what's this one?
Pam: Girl, that's the upside down cruise ship. You know, The Poseidon Adventure?
Vanessa: But we're not going to do that one. You know how hard it is to get 1,500 tiny little people made out of hair? It's a mess.
Pam: Wait a minute, I heard Jacquot LeBluke is competing.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This is a long, dramatic story about back-stabbing hairdressers that we've heard before. So we're going to move on.

Rochelle: Chris, where you been? You were supposed to be back an hour ago.
Chris: I was out selling crack.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Not all my early attempts at comedy were a success.
Chris: Just kidding. I was out looking for work. Found a job working at Hoo's Hunan.
Julius: Hoo's on First?
Drew: I like Woks on Second.

Julius: Excuse me. Drew, what's eight times 12?
Drew: I don't know.
Julius: [blocks Ms. Crabtree from view with the American flag] How about now?
Drew: 96.
Julius: [lowers the flag] Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?
Drew: I don't know.
Julius: [lifts the flag] How about now?
Drew: Thomas Jefferson.
Julius: [lowers the flag] Drew, what's your name?
Drew: I don't know.
Julius: Look, if you're going to be an educator, buy some uglier clothes. Please. Come on.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew's grades improved after he transferred to the class of Miss Murphy, a 90-year-old lady with a mustache.

Greg: It's Mandy. She's so hot.
Chris: She's all right. Plus, you've been saying that for the past month. Why don't you just go talk to her?
Greg: I can't just go up to her and start talking.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Works for pimps.
Chris: Yeah, you can.
Greg: Okay, smarty-pants, do I say "hi"? Do I say "hello"? Or maybe "hey"? Or even "Hey, hi"? The possibilities are endless. We haven't even gotten to what I'll be wearing.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I know what you'll be wearing: a look of frozen terror. I wasn't getting paid, and Greg was afraid.