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‘Everybody Hates the Laundromat’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates the Laundromat

108. Everybody Hates the Laundromat

Aired November 10, 2005

When Rochelle drags Julius out of bed to go buy a new TV, Chris must spend the day with Drew and Tonya at the laundromat.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The only person who loved sleep more than me was my father. And right now, he's dreaming his favorite dream.
[dream sequence:]
Bank Teller: I've been working here a long time, now, and I've never seen anybody pay bills like you. What do you got, two jobs or something?
Julius: Just one.
Bank Teller: Can I help you with something else?
Julius: Can I have my three cents change?

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Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Oh, no, no, no, I am tired of Risky. Everything we get from him breaks down.
[flashback to Rochelle taking a foil-wrapped brick out of the oven:]
Julius: What are you doing?
Rochelle: I'm ironing.
Julius: I got you an iron from Risky.
Rochelle: It broke.
Julius: Damn, Risky.
[flashback to Rochelle holding a piece of bread above a lighter:]
Julius: What are you doing?
Rochelle: I'm making toast.
Julius: I got you a toaster from Risky.
Rochelle: It broke!
Julius: Damn, Risky.
[flashback to thirteen years ago, Rochelle and Julius standing on an apartment's fire escape:]
Julius: Are you sure?
Rochelle: Like I told you for the hundredth time, I'm pregnant. I thought you used a condom.
Julius: I did. Damn Risky.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Let's just say my mother didn't have the best history with credit.
[flashback to Rochelle going to the counter with a dozen boxes of shoes:]
Rochelle: Put it on the card.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She bought shoes, she bought clothes, she'd buy money, if they let her.
[flashback to Rochelle dumping a heap of clothes on the sales counter:]
Rochelle: Put it on the card.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] There was nothing my mother wouldn't put on a credit card.
[flashback to Rochelle at the bank:]
Rochelle: Put this on my card.
Bank Teller: Lady, you can't pay your credit card bill with your credit card.
Rochelle: What about this one?

Quote from Julius

Salesman: All you got to do is sign on the dotted line and we're all set.
Julius: I'm reading the small print.
Salesman: Don't have to read that, it don't mean nothing.
Julius: Then why'd they put it on here?
Salesman: It's just technicalities.
Julius: 17%? That's kind of high, ain't it?
Salesman: It's not unusual.
Julius: Brooklyn Bridge ain't unusual, but it's still high.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You should've seen him at tax time.

Quote from Drew

Drew: I told you not to put the coloreds in with the whites.
Chris: Mama's gonna kill me.
Drew: Hold on, think I could fix this. Excuse me, Miss.
Beautiful Woman: Yes?
Drew: My brother put the coloreds in with the whites and now everything's pink. Could you help us get the clothes back white again or my mother's gonna kill him?
Beautiful Woman: Aw, I'll be happy to.
Drew: Thank you.
Chris: How'd you do that?
Drew: I don't know.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When Drew turned 18, that woman looked him up. Not to be her boyfriend, she just loved doing his laundry.

Quote from Julius

Salesman: Can I help you?
Julius: Yeah, we're here for the $199 19-inch, color TV.
Salesman: I'm sorry, we sold out of those. Sale's been on since Monday.
Julius: Thank you. Okay, let's go.
Salesman: Hold on. I'm sure we can find something you might like.
Rochelle: See?
Julius: You probably can, but if it's not a TV for $199, you don't need to show it to me.
Rochelle: No, no, no, wait, baby. Now, let's just look around for a little while.
Julius: You got some "looking around" money?

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: We came here for the $199 TV, not a credit card.
Salesman: Yeah, but you could use one, right? We'll give you a $500 limit, no payments for six months. We'll get you out of here with a TV.
Rochelle: Wait, wait, baby. Let's think about this for a moment. If the kids keep watching that TV, they're gonna mess up their eyes, and if they can't see they might wander out into the street and get hit by a bus. Now, do you want three crippled kids or a new TV?
Salesman: Lady's got a point.
Rochelle: See?

Quote from Julius

Rochelle: See, baby, we could get a lot of stuff we need. I mean, it's on credit. What are you worried about?
Julius: It's on credit. That's what I'm worried about.
Rochelle: I'm gonna go look at the couch again.

Quote from Chris

Chris: Did I miss anything?
Greg: Not this time. You got to watch it. You were, like, this close to getting caught.
Chris: Well, at least it's Friday. I'll get a chance to sleep in tomorrow.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Man, there was nothing better than being in a bed on a Saturday morning, dreaming my favorite dream: me sleeping in on a Saturday morning.

Quote from Julius

Rochelle: Julius. Julius. [slaps him] Julius!
Julius: Yo, I'm up, I'm up, I'm up. Where are my keys?
Rochelle: No, no, baby! You don't have to go to work. Today is Saturday.
Julius: You woke me up at 6:45 on a Saturday morning? Are you crazy?
Rochelle: No, baby, look, look, wait. I was looking through the paper and they're having TVs on sale in Queens. Look, $199 for a color 19-inch?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] 19-inch TV? Hey! Now guys have those in their headrests, but back then, it was a big deal.
Julius: Rochelle, I can get this same TV for half that. All I got to do is wait for my man Risky to get one.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That means he has to wait for his man Risky to steal one.

Quote from Drew

Kill Moves: You into martial arts?
Drew: Yeah. Why?
Kill Moves: Want to learn some kill moves?
Drew: Yeah
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The only thing Drew loved more than candy was learning how to break a neck.

Quote from Adult Chris

Chris: Wake me up when that machine stops.
Tonya: I ain't waking you up.
Chris: Tonya, I'm not playing with you. Now, wake me up when that machine stops!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Tonya's so difficult, the only reason she's a girl is 'cause my father wanted a boy.

Quote from Julius

Julius: Okay, let me tell you the rules.
Rochelle: Okay.
Julius: We're going to get a TV.
Rochelle: Mm-hmm.
Julius: Not a VCR.
Rochelle: I hear you.
Julius: Not a couch.
Rochelle: I got you.
Julius: A TV.
Rochelle: No problem.
Julius: And if it doesn't cost $199, we're going home.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yeah, right.
Rochelle: Well, can I at least look around?
Julius: Last time you went someplace "looking around," I ended up buying a house.

Quote from Jerome

Jerome: Little dude from across the street. Yo, why don't you let me hold a quarter?

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Aren't you done yet, baby? I want to show you something.
Julius: I'm reading the contract.
Rochelle: Oh, just hurry up and sign that thing and come on.
Julius: I want to show you this couch.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The only thing that made my mother happier than having man with two jobs was getting a new couch.
[fantasy: the kids are wearing white as they watch their own individual TVs in a luxuriously decorated room. Rochelle is talking to Sheila:]
Sheila: Girl, did I tell you I was getting married?
Rochelle: Ooh, that is nice. But did I show you my new couch?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] No amount of good news could compare to my mother getting a new couch.
Rochelle: It's all leather.

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