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‘Everybody Hates Tattaglia’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Tattaglia

401. Everybody Hates Tattaglia

Aired October 3, 2008

Chris is happy to learn that he isn't the only Black kid at his new school, but that doesn't mean his days of being tormented are over. Meanwhile, Rochelle gets Tonya a job at Vanessa's hair salon.

Quote from Tonya

Tonya: So I'm getting fired for being honest?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It happened to Don Imus. It could happen to you.
Rochelle: I'm sorry, but yes.
Tonya: You know what? I don't need this mess! My father has two jobs!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Deja vu. My mother would have snatched the naps out of Tonya's head, but at that moment, she was just too proud.

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Quote from Tonya

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When my mother told Tonya she could say anything she wanted, Tonya took her at her word.
[montage:]
Tonya: Did you dye your hair blond or did you dye your eyebrows black?
Tonya: Your perm looks nice, but what's wrong with your toenails?
Tonya: Should you be using food stamps to pay for this?

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: Vanessa hit the number and bought Pam out.
Rochelle: Yeah, now I'm the new manager.
Drew: What happened to your old job?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Something that hadn't happened in a long time.
[flashback to Rochelle at the Department of Records:]
Rochelle: I do not need this, okay?! My man has two jobs!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Two jobs equals one finger.

Quote from Adult Chris

Ms. Morello: So, what can I do for you?
Chris: I need to change homerooms.
Ms. Morello: Oh, what's the problem?
Chris: Mr. Thurman hates me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Everyone does. It's in the title of the show, dummy.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: Chris, I thought you'd like that room. That's why I had you placed there.
Chris: You put me in that class?
Ms. Morello: Yes, but if I had known you were a racist...
Chris: No, I'm not a racist.
Ms. Morello: Well, I don't hear any of the White kids complaining about being around you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It's hard to talk when you're wearing a hood.
Ms. Morello: And I think that's mighty white of them.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I regain my composure, let's hear a word from our sponsors.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Finally, I thought my troubles were over. I wouldn't be the only Black kid on the bus.
Bus Driver: [to a White woman] Yo, back of the bus, lady.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I wouldn't be the only Black kid at lunch. And for a change, I wouldn't be the only Black kid in my classes.
[Chris walks into a class full of White kids]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Maybe these are all Black kids wearing whiteface.
Thurman: Who the hell are you?
Chris: I'm Chris.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Star of the new movie, Guess Who's Coming to Homeroom.

Quote from Chris

Chris: All the White people think I look like every Black person on Earth. I could go to jail for anything from a parking ticket to throwing little baby Jessica down the well.
Greg: Dude, that didn't even happen yet.
Chris: I'm just saying.

Quote from Drew

Drew: Hey, Mom, what happened to your hair?
Rochelle: That is not the way you give a woman a compliment, Drew.
Drew: I wasn't giving a compliment, I was just trying to find out what happened.
Julius: Whatever happened, it looks nice.
Tonya: What did happen?
Rochelle: Nothing happened!
Chris: Something happened. All the hair on the right side of your head is missing.
Drew: Maybe aliens came and cut it so they could put a probe in your ear.
Rochelle: I do not have a probe in my ear.
Drew: You sure?

Quote from Tonya

Rochelle: What you reading, baby?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] After Tonya's crush on Billy Ocean ended, she got a new one on one of the top movie stars of the time, Danny Glover.
Chris: Danny Glover? Didn't he play Benson?
Rochelle: No, no, that was Robert Guillaume. Danny Glover played the father on Good Times.
Drew: No, no, that's John Amos. Danny Glover was Chicken George.
Julius: No, that's Ben Vereen. Danny Glover's the voice of Darth Vader.
Tonya: No, that's James Earl Jones. Danny Glover played "Mister" in The Color Purple.
All: Oh.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought that was Whoopi Goldberg.
Tonya: His next movie is with some White guy named Mel Gibson.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Before I strangled her, I wanted to know why she did what she did.
Ms. Morello: Chris, when I saw your name on the register, I thought, if you hadn't gotten shot, ended up slinging rock, or become a baby daddy over the summer, that you'd want to get back to something you knew.
Chris: Yeah. I know Black kids, Asians, Latinos. So why can't I be in the homeroom with them?
Ms. Morello: Chris, the Black boys are all in gangs, the girls are all bougie, and don't even get me started on the Puerto Ricans. Boriqua? What is that? What have you got against White people anyway?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Oh, you'll find out.
Chris: Nothing. I just don't want to start every day in a roomful of people who hate me.
Ms. Morello: Tell you what. If you can find a Black friend, or a group of people that you can fit in with that aren't all White, I'll put you in a new homeroom.
Chris: Serious?
Ms. Morello: As a heart attack.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If I'm lucky, maybe you'll have one before me.

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