Uncle Ryan Quotes Page 1 of 2

Quote from Everybody Hates Graduation

Ryan: You know what would be a good idea? A show about cops arresting people.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But what would you call it?

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Quote from Everybody Hates the Ninth-Grade Dance

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My Uncle Ryan was Drew's favorite uncle because he was a dreamer, and his dream was to open a successful business. He had some bad ideas.
[flashback:]
Ryan: Fried bread crust.
Drew: Fried bread crust?
Ryan: Some people like the inside of the bread. This is for people that like the outside.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This is for people who like bypass surgery.
Julius: Mmm! How much you need?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And a couple of good ideas.
[flashback:]
Ryan: They got 31 flavors of ice cream. I got 31 flavors of chocolate milk. Swiss chocolate, cinnamon chocolate, raspberry chocolate, maple chocolate, peanut butter chocolate. You got to get in on this.
Julius: Well, what flavor is this?
Ryan: This is milk chocolate.
Drew: Milk chocolate chocolate milk?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Official drink of diabetes.
Julius: Man! How much you need?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Unfortunately, the lactose intolerance epidemic killed that one.

Quote from Everybody Hates Graduation

Ryan: Hey, sorry, man, but check it out. I was talking to this guy down at the station. Did you know George Foreman cooks?
Julius: The boxer?
Ryan: Yeah. He's coming out with this grill. I hear it's going to make a lot of money.
Julius: A George Foreman grill? No, that's all right, man. I'm gonna wait on the Muhammad Ali toaster oven.

Quote from Everybody Hates My Man

Adult Chris: [v.o.] At school, things were getting ugly, but to my father, life was beautiful.
James: I don't know what's got into you, but I hope it don't get out.
Julius: You know, James, life is short. I mean, one day, you could pick your toenail and...
Ryan: End up with a bad viral infection and have to get your foot amputated. We got it. Look, before you get to the next scenario, can I get that cash?

Quote from Everybody Hates Graduation

Drew: Hey, Dad, Uncle Ryan said I could work for him, too.
Ryan: And you know you said you can't wait for Drew to get his first job.
Julius: That's not a real job. A real job takes place in a building. They shouldn't be able to tow your office.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Unless you sell ice cream.
Ryan: I'm only selling out the back of my car for now. I'm going to move to something more permanent.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Like a van.
Julius: What happened to your auto parts store?
Ryan: The owner broke it up for parts.

Quote from Everybody Hates Graduation

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When you're Black, first the cops charge, then they explain the charge.
Ryan: What's the charges?
Cop #2: Copyright infringement.
Ryan: Infringement? What are you taking about? I was just making tapes of people's songs.
Cop #2: Just get in the car.

Quote from Everybody Hates Fake IDs

Greg: We just want to go see the Fat Boys.
Ryan: Oh. I love those guys. [sings] All you can eat [grunting rhythmically]
Chris: So, when can we get 'em?
Greg: And how much is it gonna cost?
Ryan: Well, that depends. When it comes to delivery, you have three separate options. You can get 'em fast and cheap, but not good; you can get 'em good and cheap, but not fast; or you can get 'em fast and good, but not cheap.
Chris: Well, the concert's tomorrow, so how much is the last option?
Ryan: 25 bucks. Each.

Quote from Everybody Hates Fake IDs

Ryan: Hey. What are you doing here, man?
Drew: I'm looking for Vision Ray Specs, Inc. I bought a pair of X-ray glasses, but the things don't even work.
I'm getting my money back.
Ryan: Ah, sorry about that.
Drew: You're Vision Ray Specs, Inc?
Ryan: Yep. Look, I can get you something else. Uh, whoopee cushion, joy buzzers, sea monkeys, black gum.
Drew: Nah, that's okay. I just want my money.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew couldn't see through his hand, but he could see through Ryan's BS.
Ryan: Here. I'll give you half.
Drew: What's this?
Ryan: That's 50 cents. Glasses cost a dollar.
Drew: I spent five dollars on shipping and handling. That's six. You owe me three.
Ryan: Whoa, whoa, give me my 50 cents back.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That's what 50's girlfriend said to Vivica Fox.

Quote from Everybody Hates Fake IDs

Ryan: Wait. You really want a fake ID to go the Fat Boys concert?
Chris: Yeah.
Ryan: You're not gonna try to get liquor or cigarettes or go see X-rated movies?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Not until you mentioned it.
Chris: No.
Ryan: You'll have 'em tomorrow.

Quote from Everybody Hates My Man

James: $175? What you gonna do with all that?
Ryan: I'm starting an answering service. All I have to do is buy a couple of phones, get some extra phone lines, then I can make money just by taking other people's phone calls.
James: So it's like a human answering machine.
Ryan: Exactly.

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