Trending ‘Everybody Hates Chris’ Quotes

Quote from Jerome in Everybody Hates the Car

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I soon found out that buying a used car wasn't easy. You had to watch out for scams.
Dealer: $300? That car's gone. But we got this one. Only $15,000. $300 down, $300 a month for 300 months.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And some deals were just too good to be true.
Jerome: That's right, little dude. This car is brand-new. And I'm gonna let you have it for only $300.
Man: Hey, fool! Get off my new car!
Jerome: All right, all right.

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Quote from Drew in Everybody Hates the First Kiss

Mr. Omar: Oh, hey, hey! Drew, Drew. You got, uh, five dollars I could borrow?
Drew: I don't loan money.
Mr. Omar: Come on. You know I'm good for it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew inherited one quality from my father: he was a tightwad, and he saved every penny he got, no matter how he got it.
[flashback: Drew wakes up in the middle of the night, removes a dollar bill from under the pillow and places it in his wallet. As he smiles, he reveals a missing front tooth.]

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Father's Day

Julius: It's a receipt. He paid the electric bill.
Rochelle: Oh, baby, that is so...
Chris: When I asked you if I could get you anything for Father's Day, you said I could help you knock out a bill. That was the only one I could afford.
Julius: Thanks, son.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father never really cared much about presents, but giving him a reason to smile was the best thing I could ever do for him.
Julius: This is the best gift I ever got. I'll remember this forever.
Chris: Happy Father's Day.
Julius: I'm proud of you, Chris. Becoming more of a man every day.
Chris: Thanks, Dad.
Julius: You know, I was thinking, it might be a good idea if you get a job and start paying a bill every month.

Quote from Ms. Morello in Everybody Hates Homecoming

Ms. Morello: Chris I'd like you to meet Jenise.
Jenise Huckstable: Hi. I just transferred in.
Ms. Morello: Jenise doesn't have a date for the dance, and since all the other Black men are taken...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] By White women.
Ms. Morello: I thought you two might go together. Well, anyway, I'll let Chris lay his rap on you. Peace. I'm Audi 5000.

Quote from Michael in Everybody Hates Promises

Michael: Big Man! I see why these cheese grits are your favorite. Mmm-mmm.
[cut to Uncle Mike locked out of the house in his underwear:]
Michael: Julius, come on, man! I said I'm sorry, man! Julius!
Julius: What?
Michael: Can I at least get my clothes, man?
Julius: You want your clothes? I got your clothes. I got your clothes. [throws the clothes out the window] That's for eating my cheese grits.
Michael: Julius, this is wrong, man.
Michael: I'm gonna tell 'Chelle about this! What you looking at?! You ain't never been throwed out before? This is wrong, man! Over some grits?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father eventually came downstairs to return his sock, but he shoved it somewhere that Uncle Michael couldn't reach it. I need a ride, man!

Quote from Ms. Morello in Everybody Hates the English Teacher

Ms. Morello: What is going on here?
Ms. Rivera: Ms. Morello, instead of writing reports about books like we usually do, I thought I would switch it up by watching movies based on books, and write about those.
Ms. Morello: Ms. Rivera, I don't know what they do in Puerto Rico, but changing curriculum is unacceptable. I hope you realize this is a very serious offense. You could lose your job. Comprende?
Ms. Rivera: I'm sorry. I didn't know.
Ms. Morello: Dios mio! Where would you get such a ridiculous idea?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't think Ms. Rivera had heat vision, but I turned away to protect my eyes just in case.

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Back Talk

Chris: Mom, I didn't eat all the dinner by myself. I shouldn't have to clean it all up by myself.
Rochelle: I don't wear all the clothes, but I wash them by myself. I don't sleep in all the beds in this house, but I make them up by myself. I don't pee in all of the toilets in this house by myself...!
Chris: Mom, Drew and Tonya sitting right there doing nothing. Why can't they help?
Rochelle: Because I told you to do it. Now I don't want to hear no more back talk. Now clean this mess up.
Chris: No. I'm not gonna do it.
Rochelle: Lord, please help me before I knock this boy's neck off. Eight, nine, t- ten!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I wouldn't see a woman that perplexed again until Palin found out her daughter was knocked up.
Rochelle: Now are you gonna clean up this table or do I need to tell your father?