Trending ‘Everybody Hates Chris’ Quotes

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates the Laundromat

Rochelle: Here's your chicken.
Julius: And you better not bring me no dessert.
Rochelle: I'll get you what I want to get you!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Only one place that didn't work: the bedroom.


Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Cake

Julius: I knew this androgynous guy when I was coming up.
Chris: You did?
Julius: Yeah. He was one of the baddest dudes I ever met. Pink Bobby Jenkins. He was androgynous way before it was popular. Everybody used to make fun of him.
Chris: Pink Bobby? So did you guys hang out?
Julius: Nope. I didn't want people to think I was androgynous. Then one day, I was coming home from school, and these guys jumped me. Oh, they had me too. Then, next thing I know, here comes Pink Bobby. Man, Pink Bobby was knocking suckers out. I asked him why'd he help me, even though I wouldn't talk to him. But he said he didn't care that I didn't talk to him. It was because I didn't talk about him. After that, we were always cool.
Chris: And people didn't think you were androgynous?
Julius: Look, Chris, unless you show up in a dress, heels and makeup, nobody's gonna think you're androgynous.
Chris: Thanks, Dad.

Quote from Adult Chris in Everybody Hates Dirty Jokes

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Ever since I was a kid, I always loved comedy. I loved cartoons. I loved sitcoms. But most of all, I loved stand-up comedians.
Rochelle: All right, y'all, time to go to bed.
Chris: Ma, can I stay up and watch 'til the end? It's almost over.
Rochelle: All right. Drew and Tonya, go. Good night.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What I didn't know was that my parents loved comedians, too.
Redd Foxx: [on tape] You knew it in your heart, you haven't washed your hair.
[Chris sneaks downstairs as his parents are laughing at the tape with Mr. Omar and Vanessa:]
Redd Foxx: So one night, the time was right, he asked her, he said, "Honey, would you marry me?" She said "wooden eye?"
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I can't say what he just said, but it was the first dirty joke I had ever heard.
Redd Foxx: "Geez, baby, what time do you have to be home?"
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And it wasn't the last.
Redd Foxx: She said "Christmas."
Adult Chris: [v.o.] A lot of kids would get in trouble sneaking out of bed trying to listen to dirty jokes. I ended up getting a career.

Quote from Vanessa in Everybody Hates Big Bird

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I realized my mistake, and Vanessa realized that going out with Kill Moves wasn't a mistake at all.
Rochelle: You were out all night?
Vanessa: Oh, girl, that's just the start of it. We opened the champagne, headed for the seaport. There was a pink helicopter waiting for me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You can hear about the rest of Vanessa's date at

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Chris: Dad, can we stop at McDonald's?
Julius: You got some McDonald's money?
Rochelle: Julius, the kids have to eat.
Julius: They ain't got to eat McDonald's. We got some baloney in the back. I'll pull over.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father Julius always kept baloney handy just in case.
Julius: We get one combo meal. Drew gets the burger, Tonya gets the fries, Chris, you can have the drink.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] One time I just got ice.

Quote from Ms. Morello in Everybody Hates Houseguests

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Back at school, Greg was catching up on more than his studies.
Ms. Morello: What year did the American Revolution begin? Greg. Greg?!
Greg: [wakes up] 1942.
Ms. Morello: Greg, what's wrong with you? You're usually so alert.
Chris: It's because he's staying at my house for the week.
Ms. Morello: Oh, my God, he's drunk?! Did he have a 40 for breakfast?
Greg: I'm not drunk. I'm just not used to getting up so early.
Ms. Morello: Don't be ashamed. Chris's people have a history of being up when the rooster crows to go to work in the fields. Who could expect you to keep up? Go back to sleep.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She was Don Imus in a dress.