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‘Everybody Hates Sausage’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Sausage

104. Everybody Hates Sausage

Aired October 13, 2005

When a rumor spreads at school that Chris was the one who beat up Caruso, his new tough-guy reputation only brings with it more problems. Meanwhile, Julius buys a big crate of sausages which the family must eat at every meal.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!

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Quote from Rochelle

Julius: Baby, if she doesn't eat they could call child welfare on us.
Rochelle: Mm-mm, Julius, that little girl is testing me. And if I let her tell me what she will and won't eat; the next thing you know, she'll be telling me what she will and won't wear. Then, the next thing you know, she'll be telling me when she will and won't come home! And then the next thing you know, she's going to end up pregnant... And I ain't taking care of no babies.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother always thought anything that Tonya did wrong would eventually get her pregnant. And she ain't taking care of no babies.

Quote from Julius

Julius: What are you doing?
Drew: Practicing karate.
Julius: What are you going to do with karate?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father didn't see the reason of learning anything that didn't get you a job.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: So how's school, Chris? You working on anthropology or paleontology, something complicated, I bet.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother thought I was learning all kinds of things 'cause I went to a White school.
Chris: Nope, it's just regular arithmetic.
Rochelle: Y'all hear that? White kids are working on arithmetic. Around here, they're still doing math.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother always thought bigger words meant something better.

Quote from Julius

Rochelle: Okay, say the blessing, baby.
Julius: Where's the meat? [goes to the kitchen]
Rochelle: We don't have any.
Julius: [o.s.] Didn't you buy some pork chops?
Rochelle: No, that meat was too expensive.
Julius: [o.s.] I know we got some canned Spam or some Vienna sausage or bacon or beef jerky. Something. I mean, what kind of meal is that without meat? [returns]
Rochelle: It's a vegetarian meal.
Julius: Do I look like a vegetarian to you? I work 60 hours a week. I lift papers and boxes all night. I don't want vegetables. I need meat.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Dr. Raymond pulled me out of detention because he thought talking to me would keep me out of trouble.
Dr. Raymond: Son, I know things are rough for you here. But just because you don't have a father...
Chris: But I do have a father.
Dr. Raymond: Well, when your mother is on drugs...
Chris: My mom's not on drugs.
Dr. Raymond: I understand, but being born a crack baby is no excuse.
Chris: I wasn't born a crack baby.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since I was the only Black kid at my school, I thought people stared at me all the time because they were fascinated with me.
[flashback:]
Boy #1: Check it out. His skin.
Girl: Was your hair always like this?
Boy #2: Do you know Gary Coleman?
[present:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But I found out they were just scared of me. [a teacher ducks into her classroom and locks the door] She didn't come out of that classroom for a whole week.

Quote from Drew

Drew: Xièxiè nǐ, māmā.
Rochelle: What?
Drew: It's "Thank you, Mom" in Chinese.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When my brother got into something, he got into it. You know, he's getting Asian girls to this very day.

Quote from Rochelle

Chris: Mo-
Rochelle: Eh!
Chris: School-
Rochelle: Don't!
Chris: But-
Rochelle: Eh!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That look means, "Get in this house before I smack the wax out your ears."

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My brother Drew loved karate, and he didn't take lessons. All he had to do was see somebody do something, and then he could copy it. Today, you'd call that a "music producer."

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