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‘Everybody Hates Boxing’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Boxing

415. Everybody Hates Boxing

Aired February 6, 2009

Thurman encourages Chris to take up boxing so he can defend himself. Meanwhile, a new neighbor, Ms. Hutchins (Tamala Jones), has her eyes on Julius, unaware that Drew is the peeping Tom watching her.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: Why are you staring at my feet?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She loves your bunions.
Rochelle: I'm just trying to be close to you. I never get a chance to see you anymore. I barely even remember what you look like. And I get lonely.
Julius: I know, but I have to go to work so you can either be lonely in this house or together in the streets.
Rochelle: That's it?
Julius: That's what?
Rochelle: I'm talkin' about you, and you're talking about this house. I can't watch TV with this house. I can't talk to this house about my day. I can't ask this house to rub my feet! When I hear a noise downstairs in the middle of the night, I can't ask this house to go downstairs and see what it is! Julius, I did not marry this house.
I married a man!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But when they leave the man, they always end up with a house.
Julius: I wasn't saying that.
Rochelle: That's okay. You just keep on workin', but I'm not gonna sit here and wait to watch you tie your shoes.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father had two full-time jobs, three if you count my mother.

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Quote from Julius

Chris: Hey, Dad. Mom said that since you like to work so much to take these letters around the corner. They belong to somebody in the other building.
Julius: [sighs] Okay. I'll see you after school.
Chris: Oh, and I'm gonna be home late tonight.
Julius: Why? What do you have to do?
Chris: Oh, I'm learning how to box.
Julius: Box? How much is that gonna cost?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Just a little dignity.
Chris: Nothing. My teacher's supplying everything.
Julius: That's great. You remember what happened with you and karate. Don't break no bones. Bones are expensive.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew wanted more fresh air, but he got something even better. Instead of taking her clothes off, she should have kept her glasses on. Relax, we know this is a kids' show.
Drew: Cool.

Quote from Drew

Drew: Two dollars, thank you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, Drew's window was attracting more perverts than Times Square.
Drew: Gracias.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] For a woman, there's only thing that replaces a man: a pity party.
Rochelle: [sings] All by myself Don't want to be All by myself Anymore

Quote from Drew

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While my mother was shaking with emotion, Tonya was shaking down Drew.
Tonya: So how much are you charging them?
Drew: What are you talking about?
Tonya: I'm talking about you and your nasty friends peeping on that lady.
Drew: Shut up. Keep your voice down.
Tonya: I figure you're charging them two dollars a head. I want half.
Drew: I'm not giving you a dime because if you tell I was looking, I'm going to tell Mama about the liquor and cigarettes you've been hiding in your room.
Tonya: I didn't hide any liquor or cigarettes in my room.
Drew: Oh, you didn't? Maybe it was me.

Quote from Drew

Ms. Hutchins: Oh! My God! I am so sorry. I didn't know. I-- I am so... Oh, my God, I don't know what you must think of me. I am so... Well... Well, if Julius wasn't the one looking at me, then who was it?
[When Rochelle opens Ms. Hutchin's drapes, Drew and his friends scream. Rochelle can be seen shouting at them from across the street.]
James: When is she gonna stop screaming and start stripping?
Drew: Man, that's my mom!
James: I know.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When I was growing up, I loved boxing because I loved the movie Rocky. I'd seen it a million times and could recite every line. The lines everyone knew...
Chris: Yo, Adrian!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And lines everyone didn't know...
Chris: Why do you have to wear that stinkin' sweat suit?
Greg: It brings me luck, y'know?
Chris: Brings you luck? I'll tell you what it brings. It brings flies!

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] And in the spring of 1987, boxing was big and some people thought Mike Tyson was the greatest boxer alive.
Greg: Dude, Mike Tyson is the greatest boxer alive.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And some people didn't.
Chris: No, he's not. James "Bonecrusher" Smith is the first heavyweight champ with a college degree. The brother is smart.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Then why'd he go into the face-punching business?
Chris: You know what? I'll bet you five dollars that he beats Tyson in Vegas next week.
Greg: It's like taking candy from a baby.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Who would do that?
Greg: You know what? You're on.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] There was only one part of boxing I didn't like... [Caruso punches Chris] Getting punched.
Thurman: I thought White guys only knocked out the Black guys in the movies.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Only in White movies.
Thurman: You know, I like seeing a good fight. But what I just saw, that was terrible.
Chris: Why didn't you do something?
Thurman: Why didn't you do anything?
Chris: Right. I was too busy getting punched in the face.
Thurman: I'll tell you what. I run a boxing program down at the Boys Athletic Club. Why don't you come by, I'll teach you to box, huh? You could learn to defend yourself.
Chris: I don't know.
Thurman: C'mon. You'll be like Rocky. But instead of being the Italian Stallion, you'll be the Black Stallion.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Hope I don't get sent to the glue factory.

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