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‘Everybody Hates the First Kiss’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates the First Kiss

313. Everybody Hates the First Kiss

Aired March 16, 2008

Chris wants to be invited to a spin the bottle party so he can have his first kiss with Tasha. Meanwhile, Drew reluctantly lends Mr. Omar money and is determined to get it back.

Quote from Mr. Omar

Tonya: Who died?
Mr. Omar: Oh. Mr. Abernathy. Got decapitated by a flying hubcap. Tragic. Tragic!
Tonya: Is that his wife?
Mr. Omar: Mm-hmm.
Tonya: Mmm.

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Quote from Drew

Drew: Where's my money?
Mr. Omar: You said you were coming back tomorrow.
Drew: It is tomorrow.
Mr. Omar: It's 4:00 in the morning, man.
Drew: I want my money.
Mr. Omar: Drew, I got to get up in the morning and go to work.
Drew: And I got to get up and go to school, but I can't concentrate because I don't have my money.
Mr. Omar: [sighs heavily] Okay, okay. Can you give me another day?
Drew: Fine. [stops Mr. Omar closing the door] But another day is going to cost you another dollar. And after tomorrow, that's it.
Mr. Omar: What's it?
Drew: Nothing. I'd just hate to see something bad happen.
Mr. Omar: What kind of something?
Drew: Something tragic. Have a nice night.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew went on to help found Death Row Records.

Quote from Drew

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was counting my blessings, Mr. Omar had to pay the piper.
Mr. Omar: I know it's hard to lose your husband. But remember, he's in a better place right now.
[When Mr. Omar opens the door to the limousine, he finds Drew sitting in the car]
Mr. Omar: Drew?!
Drew: Where's my money?
Mr. Omar: Man, we're on our way to a funeral.
Drew: You want to make it two? You're not going anywhere until I get my money.
Mr. Omar: [to the widow] You got five dollars I could borrow?
Drew: Seven.
Mr. Omar: Seven.
Widow: This is coming out of your bill.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mr. Omar hated paying back money even if it wasn't his.
Drew: Thank you. And, uh, sorry about your husband.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] At least one of them is.

Quote from Greg

Chris: Have you ever been to a spin the bottle party?
Greg: Hi. I don't believe we've met before. My name is Greg. No, I haven't been to a spin the bottle party. I mean, I haven't been to a party. Why would you even ask me that?
Chris: Because I'm trying to get into one.
Greg: Hold on. You do know what they do at those parties, right?
Chris: Yeah. People kiss.
Greg: Oh. I must be thinking of a different kind of game, then.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Greg wrote about that party in his book, Ow, There's a Bottle in My...

Quote from Drew

Mr. Omar: Oh, hey, hey! Drew, Drew. You got, uh, five dollars I could borrow?
Drew: I don't loan money.
Mr. Omar: Come on. You know I'm good for it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew inherited one quality from my father: he was a tightwad, and he saved every penny he got, no matter how he got it.
[flashback: Drew wakes up in the middle of the night, removes a dollar bill from under the pillow and places it in his wallet. As he smiles, he reveals a missing front tooth.]

Quote from Julius

Julius: Nice to meet you, Larry.
Lance: Lance.
Julius: Okay.
Lance: It's great seeing you again, Rochelle. Next time you come down, I'll give you a few free loads. Also, here are some coupons for, uh, a new dry cleaners I'm opening. [Julius grabs the coupons]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father would take a coupon from bin Laden.
Julius: Thanks, Lurch.
Tonya: It's Larry.
Rochelle: It's Lance.

Quote from Drew

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After tomorrow came and went, Drew came and went off.
Mr. Omar: Hey, Drew. My man.
Drew: Where's my money?
Mr. Omar: Oh... Man, I'm sorry, I totally forgot all about that.
Drew: It's okay. You can pay me now.
Mr. Omar: Okay. [sighs] You know what? I left my wallet at the office.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The office in your back pocket?
Mr. Omar: So... can I pay you tomorrow?
Drew: Yeah, but I'm gonna have to charge you interest.
Mr. Omar: Interest?
Drew: 15%.
Mr. Omar: 15%? That's outrageous.
Drew: On the streets it's 17. I'm doing you a favor. I'll be back.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Black Terminator.

Quote from Tonya

Julius: Your mother's birthday is coming up.
Tonya: Yeah, in three months.
Julius: Right, and I want to throw a little party for her and I was thinking of inviting her friend Lance, but... I don't know...
Tonya: You want me to ask Mama if she likes Lance?
Julius: Yeah.
Tonya: Well, Daddy, I don't think I can do that. At least not for free.
Julius: Are you asking me for money?
Tonya: Are you asking me to spy on Mama?
Julius: It's not spying. I just want you to ask her a couple questions.
Tonya: Well, how come you can't ask her?
Julius: Because here's five dollars, that's how come.
Tonya: I'll take care of it.
Julius: Thank you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Tonya made more money that year than my father.

Quote from Chris

Chris: I just don't know if I'm gonna do it right.
Greg: Lip-ups.
Chris: What?
Greg: Lip-ups. Richie Cunningham was afraid of the same thing on Happy Days and the Fonz told him to do lip-ups. You put your face on the floor and push up with your lips.
Chris: What? Are you crazy? I'm not kissing the floor.
[cut to Chris on the floor at home doing lip-ups:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This is what happens when you watch shows about White people.
Drew: What are you doing?
Chris: Oh, I was just looking for a quarter I dropped.
Drew: Oh. Well, it looked like you were doing lip-ups. You know those don't work.

Quote from Adult Chris

Tonya: What are you looking at?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] About five to ten when I drown you in that cereal bowl.

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