- Main Characters
- Joey Caruso
- Ms. Morello
- Mr. Omar
- Kill Moves
Quote from Everybody Hates Graduation
Mr. Perkins: Can I have their fathers' names?
Rochelle: Ju...? Their fathers? No, no, no. They have one father.
Mr. Perkins: Do you know his name?
Rochelle: Where are you getting this information?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I'll tell you where he's getting it.
[flashback: Ms. Morello addresses the camera in her class room:]
Ms. Morello: Unfortunately, I think Chris is a crack baby. The mother's a little delusional. Her brain is addled by years of drug abuse and cheap wine spo-dee-o-dee. She's actually convinced herself that she has a husband who works two jobs and that they own a house in the ghetto. You can't believe a word she says. [drinks chocolate milk]
Quote from Everybody Hates Cutting School
Ms. Morello: Chris, I'm sorry for shushing you. I know your people can't help talking in the movies.
Quote from Everybody Hates Graduation
Ms. Morello: Well, as crazy as it may seem, it turns out your father really does have two jobs. You're mother's not a heroin addict. She's even got a job. And apparently, you do own that house. Your family's doing far too well for you to qualify for financial aid. Chris, why did you lie?
Greg: So what does this mean?
Ms. Morello: I'm sorry, but it looks like you're going to Tattaglia after all.
Chris: But this isn't fair.
Ms. Morello: I know, but always remember this. When you get to the other side of the river, the streets of heaven will be lined with gold for you, me and all God's chillins.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I was still in shock, so I didn't have the presence of mind to smack her upside the head and run.
Quote from Everybody Hates Lasagna
Ms. Morello: Chris, come on! You might be Black, but you're not fireproof. Leave that bag there.
Quote from Everybody Hates Bed-Stuy
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Lisa hated my story, so I showed it to Ms. Morello, who loved anything Black.
Ms. Morello: Lisa's right, this isn't good.
Chris: What's wrong with it?
Ms. Morello: Chris, there's nothing worse than racial stereotypes. We've seen this a thousand times. The tall, shirtless Black man, his ebony pecs glistening with sweat from working in the fields. His furrowed brow filled with savage lust. Where was I?
Chris: I think you were talking about racial stereotypes.
Ms. Morello: Oh, right. I want to read about the real Black men who walk the gritty streets of the hood. People like Super Fly, the Mack, Black Belt Jones, Truck Turner and Blacula. Tell me the truth about the pimps and the hustlers, the violence... all set to a jazzy beat!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Oh, there's a jazzy beat I want to give her, right upside the head.
Quote from Everybody Hates Jail
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Growing up in Brooklyn, I always thought that traveling to faraway places was something that only rich people did. At 13, I'd never been out of New York, but all that was about to change.
Ms. Morello: Class, I have an announcement. We're all going on a field trip to Washington, DC. You just need to have your parents sign your permission slips and sell 30 boxes of cookies to cover the cost of the trip. Chris, if your people can't afford to pay cash, I'll see if we'll accept food stamps.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] She acts like it's caviar. It's just cookies, damn.
Quote from Everybody Hates Superstition
Ms. Morello: I hope everyone is prepared for today's history quiz. And, Chris, I hope you weren't too busy taking care of all of your half-brothers and sisters to study.
Quote from Everybody Hates Kris
Ms. Morello: Okay, okay. This time, sing it with feeling. You're singing about an impoverished family, living in the ghetto, who gave birth to their firstborn child in a manger. Chris, you can relate to this, can't you?
Chris: Not really.
Quote from Everybody Hates the Bachelor Pad
Ms. Morello: "Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth on this continent a new nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal..."
[As Ms. Morello faces the front of the class, Chris sneaks in and takes his seat behind her back]
Ms. Morello: ...even if they're on CP time. Good morning, Chris.
Chris: Good morning, Ms. Morello. I'm sorry I'm late, but my whole family is sick.
Ms. Morello: Oh, dear, I'm so sorry. Is it sickle cell, rickets, or swine flu?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Is that like chitlin-itis?
Chris: Swine flu.
Ms. Morello: Your tardiness is excused, but you should tell your family to lay off the bacon.
Quote from Everybody Hates the New Kid
Ms. Morello: Okay, now this is an easy one. Who was the only president to ever be impeached? Chris?
Chris: Uh, George Washington Carver? [laughter]
Ms. Morello: No, Chris. George Washington Carver was the Black peanut genius. And you should know that. Albert?
Albert: I don't know.
Ms. Morello: What do you mean, you don't know? Did you read the assigned material? You can read, can't you?
Albert: Yeah, I can read.
Ms. Morello: Well, then, there's no excuse for you not having studied. Now, I know you and Chris are having fun shucking and jiving together, but you should really spend more time studying...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Albert looked at her like he was about to get his third strike.