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‘Everybody Hates Greg’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Greg

110. Everybody Hates Greg

Aired November 24, 2005

Greg invites Chris to come to his house after school even though he's not allowed to have anyone over.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: You want something to eat?
Julius: Aren't you supposed to be at work?
Rochelle: Well, I have a little time off.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What actually happened was...
[flashback to Rochelle helping a customer when a woman walks over with a pair of shoes:]
Woman: Do you have these in a size eight?
Rochelle: Do you see me helping somebody else? All that hollerin' at people. I do not need this. My man has two jobs. And you ain't no damn eight. Get her an eleven!

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Quote from Drew

Rochelle: Well, who put this pot on the stove?
Drew: Wasn't me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because of those two words, Drew never got in trouble.
[montage:]
Rochelle: Who tore up my back seat?
Drew: Wasn't me.
Julius: Who left my nickel laying out here on the sidewalk?
Drew: Wasn't me.
Rochelle: Who spilt this oatmeal?
Baby Drew: Wasn't me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Would you believe those were his first words?

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: What, they don't have a phone at Greg's house? Look, I don't care where you are. You be like E.T., you phone home! I need to know where you are, who you're with and what you're doing. How do I know you're not selling drugs? I mean, you could be kingpin of a Colombian drug cartel for all I know.
Chris: I'm not out there selling drugs.
Rochelle: How do I know that?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother had one goal in life for her kids: don't sell drugs. As long as they weren't doing that, almost everything else was okay.
[fantasy:]
Police Officer #1: Ma'am, your son shot the mayor.
Rochelle: Did he sell drugs?
Police Officer #1: No.
Rochelle: Get in here, boy.
[fantasy:]
Police Officer #2: Ma'am, your son killed the governor, kidnapped his daughter, robbed the president and ran a red light.
Rochelle: He ain't sell no drugs, did he?
Police Officer #2: No, ma'am.
Rochelle: Boy, get in here.

Quote from Tonya

Tonya: I want to cut the hair off my doll's head, but I don't want to do it till he gets here.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Without me in the house to blame, Tonya actually had to act right.
[cut to Tonya is holding a bowling ball in front of a pile of all the family's china:]
Tonya: Is Chris here yet?
Drew: Nope.
Tonya: Dang!
[cut to Tonya with her goldfish bowl on top of the stove:]
Tonya: Is Chris home yet?
Drew: No.
Tonya: Dang!
[cut to Tonya wearing safety goggles as she holds a power tool against the coffee table:]
Tonya: Is Chris here yet?
Drew: No.
Tonya: Dang!
[present:]
Tonya: I'll sure be glad when Chris gets back.

Quote from Adult Chris

Greg: I still think having a little brother and sister would be pretty cool. I mean, instead I get toys. I got an Atari.
Chris: Wait, you got an Atari?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Atari was the PlayStation of 1982. We got one in 1994. We didn't get a game till 1997.
Greg: Yep! Just got it!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We didn't have any electronic game, but we had singing into a fan.
[flashback to Chris, Drew and Tonya singing Zapp and Roger's "More Bounce to the Ounce" into a fan]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Sometime, my mother would trick us in the work, by pretending we were playing the game.
[flashback:]
Rochelle: Who wants to play "Clean up this damn house"?
Kids: Me! Me! Me!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I won the take the garbage out competition four years in a row.

Quote from Julius

Julius: What is a man doing there 11:00 in the morning? He ain't got no job? $430.
Announcer: [on TV] $430.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father was like Rain Man when it came to guessing how much something cost.
Rochelle: How did you know that? We don't even own a dishwasher.
Julius: That's 'cause it costs $430.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Tonya, what is this mess, girl?
Tonya: I was trying to make hot chocolate.
Rochelle: I don't want you fooling around with this hot chocolate again, do you hear me? Now get upstairs before I make your behind hot!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought I'd see George Bush in a do-rag before Tonya got in trouble.
Rochelle: And where were you? You're late.
Chris: My bus broke down.
Rochelle: Next time, you better get off and fix it.
Chris: Yes, ma'am.

Quote from Chris

Chris: Man, it felt so good to see Tonya get in trouble yesterday.
Greg: What'd they do to her?
Chris: My mom knocked all her teeth out.
Greg: Really?
Chris: Nah, she just sent her upstairs to her room, but I wish she would have smacked her teeth out.

Quote from Tonya

Rochelle: [o.s.] Chris?
Tonya: Chris is home!
[Tonya rapidly cuts the hair off her doll]
Rochelle: Is Chris here yet?
Drew: No.
Rochelle: Hmm. Who cut your doll's hair off?
Drew: Wasn't me.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: Chris!
Rochelle: Chris, oh, thank goodness. Are you okay?
Chris: Yeah, I'm okay.
Rochelle: Oh, I'm so happy you're all right. I'm gonna kill you! Where you been, boy?

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