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‘Everybody Hates Greg’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Greg

110. Everybody Hates Greg

Aired November 24, 2005

Greg invites Chris to come to his house after school even though he's not allowed to have anyone over.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: You want something to eat?
Julius: Aren't you supposed to be at work?
Rochelle: Well, I have a little time off.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What actually happened was...
[flashback to Rochelle helping a customer when a woman walks over with a pair of shoes:]
Woman: Do you have these in a size eight?
Rochelle: Do you see me helping somebody else? All that hollerin' at people. I do not need this. My man has two jobs. And you ain't no damn eight. Get her an eleven!

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Quote from Drew

Rochelle: Well, who put this pot on the stove?
Drew: Wasn't me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because of those two words, Drew never got in trouble.
[montage:]
Rochelle: Who tore up my back seat?
Drew: Wasn't me.
Julius: Who left my nickel laying out here on the sidewalk?
Drew: Wasn't me.
Rochelle: Who spilt this oatmeal?
Baby Drew: Wasn't me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Would you believe those were his first words?

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: What, they don't have a phone at Greg's house? Look, I don't care where you are. You be like E.T., you phone home! I need to know where you are, who you're with and what you're doing. How do I know you're not selling drugs? I mean, you could be kingpin of a Colombian drug cartel for all I know.
Chris: I'm not out there selling drugs.
Rochelle: How do I know that?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother had one goal in life for her kids: don't sell drugs. As long as they weren't doing that, almost everything else was okay.
[fantasy:]
Police Officer #1: Ma'am, your son shot the mayor.
Rochelle: Did he sell drugs?
Police Officer #1: No.
Rochelle: Get in here, boy.
[fantasy:]
Police Officer #2: Ma'am, your son killed the governor, kidnapped his daughter, robbed the president and ran a red light.
Rochelle: He ain't sell no drugs, did he?
Police Officer #2: No, ma'am.
Rochelle: Boy, get in here.

Quote from Tonya

Tonya: I want to cut the hair off my doll's head, but I don't want to do it till he gets here.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Without me in the house to blame, Tonya actually had to act right.
[cut to Tonya is holding a bowling ball in front of a pile of all the family's china:]
Tonya: Is Chris here yet?
Drew: Nope.
Tonya: Dang!
[cut to Tonya with her goldfish bowl on top of the stove:]
Tonya: Is Chris home yet?
Drew: No.
Tonya: Dang!
[cut to Tonya wearing safety goggles as she holds a power tool against the coffee table:]
Tonya: Is Chris here yet?
Drew: No.
Tonya: Dang!
[present:]
Tonya: I'll sure be glad when Chris gets back.

Quote from Adult Chris

Greg: I still think having a little brother and sister would be pretty cool. I mean, instead I get toys. I got an Atari.
Chris: Wait, you got an Atari?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Atari was the PlayStation of 1982. We got one in 1994. We didn't get a game till 1997.
Greg: Yep! Just got it!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We didn't have any electronic game, but we had singing into a fan.
[flashback to Chris, Drew and Tonya singing Zapp and Roger's "More Bounce to the Ounce" into a fan]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Sometime, my mother would trick us in the work, by pretending we were playing the game.
[flashback:]
Rochelle: Who wants to play "Clean up this damn house"?
Kids: Me! Me! Me!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I won the take the garbage out competition four years in a row.

Quote from Julius

Julius: What is a man doing there 11:00 in the morning? He ain't got no job?
Announcer: [on TV] $430.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father was like Rain Man when it came to guessing how much something cost.
Rochelle: How did you know that? We don't even own a dishwasher.
Julius: That's 'cause it costs $430.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Tonya, what is this mess, girl?
Tonya: I was trying to make hot chocolate.
Rochelle: I don't want you fooling around with this hot chocolate again, do you hear me? Now get upstairs before I make your behind hot!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I thought I'd see George Bush in a do-rag before Tonya got in trouble.
Rochelle: And where were you? You're late.
Chris: My bus broke down.
Rochelle: Next time, you better get off and fix it.
Chris: Yes, ma'am.

Quote from Chris

Chris: Man, it felt so good to see Tonya get in trouble yesterday.
Greg: What'd they do to her?
Chris: My mom knocked all her teeth out.
Greg: Really?
Chris: Nah, she just sent her upstairs to her room, but I wish she would have smacked her teeth out.

Quote from Tonya

Rochelle: [v.o.] Chris?
Tonya: Chris is home!
[Tonya rapidly cuts the hair off her doll]
Rochelle: Is Chris here yet?
Drew: No.
Rochelle: Hmm. Who cut your doll's hair off?
Drew: Wasn't me.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: Chris!
Rochelle: Chris, oh, thank goodness. Are you okay?
Chris: Yeah, I'm okay.
Rochelle: Oh, I'm so happy you're all right. I'm gonna kill you! Where you been, boy?

Quote from Julius

Rochelle: Well, I was just thinking, uh, since we have the house to ourselves that maybe we can do some things that we don't usually get to do.
Julius: What do you have in mind?
[cut to Julius and Rochelle watching The Price is Right:]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My dad liked game shows.
Julius: Come on, sister, you can do it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And he always rooted for the Black people. If there were no Black people on it, then he'd root for anybody with a tan.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] When my mother was gossiping, nothing else mattered, even my father sleeping.
Rochelle: [on the phone] So he takes you to dinner, uh-huh, and orders a two-for-one special and then he said what?
Julius: Rochelle, Rochelle.
Rochelle: Huh?
Julius: I got to go to work in a few hours, okay?
Rochelle: Oh, I'm sorry, baby. Okay. All right. [shouts] Stop! [talks] Julius, you got to hear this. You know that guy Marcus that works for UPS with the stinky cologne?
Julius: Mm-hmm.
Rochelle: He took Sheila to the movies, bought this big ol' thing of popcorn, two hot dogs. She asked him just for a little piece, he told her no.
Julius: Two of 'em.
Rochelle: Uh-huh. Sheila said hi, baby.
Julius: Hey, Sheila.
Rochelle: Girl, he trying to sleep. Uh-huh, he better have big feet being that cheap.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My sister Tonya was the baby of the family, so she was used to go wherever she felt like. When you have more kids than parents, one of the kids gets a kid. I got Tonya.
[When Chris sees Tonya holding a match in front of the gas stove, he imagines the entire floor of the building blown out by a gas explosion]
Chris: Are you crazy?
Tonya: I was trying to make some hot chocolate.
Chris: Well, that's not the way you do it. Why don't you ask somebody for help before you start messing things up. And give me the matches! Are you trying to blow the house up?
Rochelle: Chris, I smelled...
[Rochelle imagines the same gas explosion]
Rochelle: No! Goodness! Boys are you crazy? Are you trying to blow the all house up?
Tonya: I tried to tell him.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Little sisters, you can't live with them. And they can accidentally turn up missing.

Quote from Greg

Greg: Wait, Tonya tried to light the stove but you got blamed?
Chris: Yeah. That little girl coughs? I'd better cover my mouth.
Greg: I still think it's pretty cool having a brother and sister.
Chris: No, you're lucky you're an only child.
Greg: Yeah, I guess.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Brooklyn is filled with Blacks, Catholics and Puerto Ricans, Greg was probably the only only child there.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My dad hated losing sleep, but he was happy when she talked to her girlfriends. That way, he didn't have to do it.
[flashback to Rochelle wiping the fogged-up bathroom mirror as Julius showers:]
Rochelle: Julius, you are not going to believe this. But you know that girl Jody Watley that used to be on Soul Train? I heard that she's leaving the group Shalamar and starting a new group with Ashford and Simpson. Can you believe that?
Julius: Wow, that's something.
Rochelle: Ain't it?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I stopped listening at Jody Watley.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: Who are you?
Art Wuliger: Wuliger. Art Wuliger. I'm Greg's dad.
Julius: Greg who?
Greg: I'm Greg. We go to school together. [Rochelle sighs]
Chris: Greg asked me to come over after school. We were just hanging out.
Rochelle: [mocking] Oh, "We were just hanging out. We were just hanging out." I'm over here worried sick, and you were hanging out? Have you lost your mind?!

Quote from Chris

Chris: Hey.
Greg: Your dad said you couldn't come over to my house. He didn't say I couldn't come over to yours.
[cut to Chris beat-boxing and Greg singing "More Bounce to the Ounce" in front of a fan]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Even though we were spending 12 cents' worth of electricity, my father thought it was worth it.

Quote from Tonya

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After that, things kind of went back to normal. Mom started working again. So she let Dad get some sleep. Drew still didn't get blamed for anything, and even though Tonya got on my nerves, I thought maybe it was time to do something nice for her.
Chris: Now that's how you make hot chocolate.
Tonya: Thanks, Chris.
Rochelle: Uh-uh. What are you doing?
Tonya: Having hot chocolate.
Rochelle: I told her she couldn't have any hot chocolate.
Tonya: That's what I tried to tell him.

Quote from Chris

Greg: It gets lonely once in a while, you know. I mean, I don't have to fight over the TV, if I want to watch the basketball game or anything.
Chris: At least you get to watch the game. Every time I turn one the TV, my sister wants to watch The Care Bears.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Underrated show, by the way.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Greg's house was a lot different than what I expected. I used to think all White people were rich. I thought his house would look more like this.
Robin Leach: [v.o.] And the Wuligers parlayed their fortune into millions, and this fabulous estate in Brooklyn.

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