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‘Everybody Hates Halloween’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Halloween

106. Everybody Hates Halloween

Aired October 27, 2005

When Keisha invites Drew to a party on Halloween, Chris wants to get out of taking his siblings trick-or-treating so he can attend the party uninvited. Meanwhile, Julius tries to save money on candy.

Quote from Julius

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father hated buying Halloween candy. He didn't like spending money on stuff we kept, so buying stuff that we gave away almost drove him crazy.
Rochelle: Hey, baby.
Julius: What's up babe?
Rochelle: Nickers? What's a Nickers?
Julius: It's the same as a Snickers bar. But it's a lot cheaper. I go to this place, they got everything. Nickers, Two Musketeers, M&N's.
Rochelle: Julius, Gravy Way?
Julius: It's the same as a Milky Way. But it tastes like gravy.

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Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Okay, you guys, have fun and be careful. And, baby, make sure you take off the Darth Vader mask so you can breathe. Oh, and, Chris, I'll have your costume ready when you get home.
Chris: Thanks, Mom.
Rochelle: Oh, and y'all don't eat any candy until you get home either.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother would never let us eat the candy before we got home.
[flashback:]
Rochelle: Don't eat the candy before I look at it! There could be poison or anything in there. One boy ate an apple with a razor blade in it, and it cut his head off.

Quote from Greg

Greg: How old is she?
Chris: Lisa? Fifteen.
Greg: Dude, you are so in there!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Anytime I did anything involving a girl, Greg thought I was "in there."
[flashback to Chris and Greg in class:]
Girl: Chris, can I borrow a pencil?
Greg: Dude, you are so in there.
[flashback to Chris and Greg in the school hallway:]
Teacher: Hello, Chris.
Greg: Dude, you are so in there.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Had I known what I know now about teachers, I'd say that was the one time he was probably right.

Quote from Julius

Julius: What's all that?
Rochelle: Real Halloween candy. Bags, everything. I even bought a pumpkin.
Julius: That's almost $23 worth of stuff. Rochelle!
Rochelle: Look, Julius, I don't want people all over the neighborhood talking about I'm that woman giving out... Butter Thumbs.
Julius: What are we going to do with all this Halloween candy I bought?
[later, a cash register sounds as Rochelle dumps Julius's bargain candy into the trash:]
Julius: That's almost $2.00 worth of candy in the garbage.

Quote from Drew

Tonya: Mama, some pimp took all our candy.
Rochelle: What?
Drew: If I had my sword, it wouldn't have happened.

Quote from Jerome

Kids: Trick-or-treat.
Jerome: Hey! Little dude from across the street.
Chris: Hey.
Jerome: I didn't know you still went trick-or-treating.
Chris: I'm not trick-or-treatin'. I'm just taking them.
Jerome: Hmm. Let me hold some candy.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] After I turned 13, a lot of things I used to when I was 12 seemed like kid stuff. Like Halloween...
[flashback to Chris, Drew and Tonya in their Halloween costumes:]
Kids: Trick or treat.
Man: Hey, there we go, Reggie Jackson Miss Diana Ross! Who you supposed to be?
Chris: I'm George Jefferson, you know, from The Jeffersons.
Tonya: Chris, do the walk.
Man: Oh, yeah, all right. I love that show. Here you go.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You think that's bad? You should have seen the year I was Kunta Kinte's foot.

Quote from Drew

Drew: Mom, can I use that Chinese robe you used to wear?
Rochelle: Sure, what for?
Drew: I want to be a samurai. And do you have anything I could use as a sword?
Rochelle: Boy, you are not taking a sword on street.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Man, in Bed-Stuy, you could get in trouble just for pointing your finger.

Quote from Drew

Chris: Who was that?
Drew: Lisa Patterson. They just invited me to some Halloween party.
Chris: You got invited to a party?
Drew: Yeah. I'm not going, though. I'm going trick-or-treating.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew was only 11, and, as exciting as girls were, they still couldn't beat free candy.

Quote from Greg

Chris: Why are you wearing your costume now?
Greg: My mom is picking me up after school. I'm going to a Star Trek party at her house.
Chris: You know, you really do look like Spock.
Greg: Live long and prosper.
Chris: You like getting beat up? Do that some more.
Greg: Sorry.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You'd think a guy who got his ass kicked every day wouldn't leave his house in tights. You would think.

Quote from Greg

Chris: Man, I've never seen anything like that in my life.
Greg: I heard, last year, they set all the teachers' cars on fire. Hey, I got an idea for you for your costume.
Chris: What?
Greg: Do you know that guy, he sings that song "Little Red Corvette"!
Chris: Prince?
Greg: Yeah, the girls love that guy, and you sort of look like him.
Chris: You think so?
Greg: Yeah, a little bit.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Oh, baby, what happened?
Chris: I got hit with rotten eggs.
Rochelle: Oh! Don't you know better than to stand around and let somebody hit you with rotten eggs? Look at your hair, boy.
Chris: They ambushed me on the bus.

Quote from Julius

Rochelle: What are you doing now?
Julius: This candy is way too expensive to be given to one person.
Rochelle: I cannot believe you.
Julius: I cannot believe you. $23 on candy.
Rochelle: Well, I'm sorry, Julius.
Julius: Huh?
Rochelle: Well, this is our first Halloween in the neighborhood, and I just wanted to make a good impression.
Julius: It's okay. You want to help me finish cutting these up?
Rochelle: Okay.
Julius: Here. Cut 'em real small. Right there.

Quote from Chris

Tonya: Can I eat some of my candy?
Chris: No. You want your head to get cut off?

Quote from Chris

Tonya: You can't go to a Halloween party. You're supposed to be taking us trick-or-treating.
Chris: Why don't you mind your own business?
Tonya: This is my business.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This was the first chance I had to go to a party, and I was going to go, even if I wasn't invited.

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