Ms. Morello: Chris, I love your shirt. What does it stand for?
Chris: B-.
Ms. Morello: Oh! B-. I love that Black street slang. So what else did I miss around here?
Greg: Well, we were supposed to have a practice test on the statewide exam today.
Ms. Morello: Oh, forget about that test. I want to show you the gifts I brought back.
Greg: Gifts?
Ms. Morello: For you, I brought back a shield and a spear.
Chris: What did you get me? What is that?
Ms. Morello: It's a bone. For your nose, silly. By the way, do you know a guy named Induku?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Actually, I did, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction.

Chris: Ms. Morello?
Ms. Morello: Oh, Chris, you're still here. I was so afraid the system would have brought you down by now.
Greg: We thought you were in Africa.
Ms. Morello: I was, but there was a civil war.
Greg: A war?
Ms. Morello: Fortunately, they found a way for all the White people to get out.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Same thing happened in New Orleans.

Mr. Omar: [on the phone] He fell down the elevator shaft? Tragic.
Julius: Excuse me, Mr. Omar.
Mr. Omar: Hold on, Mr. Julius.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Oh, he wanted to hold on, all right.
[fantasy: Julius is strangling Mr. Omar with the telephone cord:]
Julius: Oh, I'm holding on now. Now, who you gonna call?
Mr. Omar: Let go. Tragic. Tragic.
[reality:]
Julius: I need to make a call.
Mr. Omar: I'm almost off.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] He better be, because it's almost on.
Mr. Omar: [chuckles] That's what he here for.

Monk: What's up with you, man? You been looking kind of tired lately.
Chris: Let me ask you a question. How do you get rid of somebody that's been giving you problems?
Monk: Now, when you say "get rid of," do you mean get "rid" of "rid of," or just rid of?
Chris: Just get rid of. He has a job, and I don't want him to have it.
Monk: Boy, you better watch what you're talking about! You make a mistake. You want to talk about this first, or what?!
Chris: I didn't touch you. It's my substitute teacher.
Monk: Oh. Oh. Well, then, in that case, what do you know about him?
Chris: Well, mostly just this.
Monk: What is this?
Chris: His resume.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] While the ghetto Rambo worked with me, the ghetto Gretzky worked on my ma.

Chris: "Corleone Junior High School letter of resignation." Do you think this will work?
Monk: Of course it'll work, or my name ain't Monk.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] His name's not Monk. His name was Jimmy.

Mr. Newton: Good morning. I'm Mr. Newton.
Joey Caruso: More like Mr. Tibbs.
Mr. Newton: What's your name?
Joey Caruso: Joey Caruso.
Mr. Newton: And you're making fun of me because I'm Black?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Yeah, you big dummy. He does it to me every day.
Joey Caruso: No, sir.
Mr. Newton: Sounds like it to me.
Joey Caruso: Sorry.
Mr. Newton: If you want to make fun of me, fine. But make fun of me for what I do, not how I look. You don't see me making fun of you because you look like a Brooklyn Beach Barney Rubble. [laughter]
Joey Caruso: No, sir.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This Black sub is a bad mother...
Women: [v.o.] Shut your mouth!

Mr. Newton: And the stock market crashed. It was unprecedented. I mean, can you imagine putting all your money in a piggy bank, and then one day it's gone?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It was nice to have another Black person at school who wasn't asked to carry a mop.

Joey Caruso: Oh, hey, I forgot my test.
Mr. Newton: C. Way to go. [chuckles]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I guess that was his way of keeping the White man down.

Rochelle: What is going on in here?
Tonya: Drew hit me.
Rochelle: Did you hit your sister?
Drew: No, Ma, I was watching the hockey game and...
Rochelle: I don't care what game you were watching? I'm raising men in this house, and men do not hit women.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] That meant you couldn't hit a girl even if you were supposed to hit her.
[fantasy: Drew is in the boxing ring with a girl opponent:]
Rochelle: You better not hit that girl.

Adult Chris: [v.o.] And with that, Tonya learned the magic words. She could do anything she wanted, as long as it was followed by "Drew hit me."
[fantasy: Drew is watching TV on the couch:]
Tonya: Ma!
Rochelle: What's going on in here?
Tonya: I'm trying to take Drew's sock and he hit me.
Rochelle: Boy, you better give her your sock.
[fantasy: Drew is eating at the table:]
Tonya: Ma!
Rochelle: What is going on in here?
Tonya: I was trying to take Drew's breakfast and he hit me.
Rochelle: Boy, you better give her your breakfast.
[fantasy: Tonya is pinning Drew down:]
Tonya: Ma!
Rochelle: What is going on in here?
Tonya: I'm trying to break Drew's arm and he hit me.
Rochelle: Boy, you better let her break your arm.