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‘Everybody Hates Cutting School’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Cutting School

215. Everybody Hates Cutting School

Aired February 19, 2007

Chris and Greg decide to cut school to see Ghostbusters. Meanwhile, Julius tries to renew his driver's license, and Rochelle volunteers and Drew and Tonya's school.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: Chris, I'm sorry for shushing you. I know your people can't help talking in the movies.

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Quote from Greg

Greg: You think they know we're gone?
Chris: The only one that would even notice is Caruso. He can just beat somebody else up. What's that?
Greg: I was up all night packing for everything we might need. I've got peanut butter sandwiches in case we get hungry, I've got some wet naps in case we get sticky from the peanut butter sandwiches, I brought a compass in case we get lost, some extra water, Rolaids, aspirin, a traveling toothbrush...
Chris: Greg, we're going to the movies, not Gilligan's Island.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If we did, Greg would have got with Mrs. Howell.
Greg: Hold on. For my "cutting school" scrapbook. Smile.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Greg sold that picture on eBay last week for $500.

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Only problem with my mother helping at a book fair was she didn't read books and she wasn't fair.
[montage:]
Rochelle: Girl, does your mother know you're over here reading grown-up books? Give me that. Flowers in the Attic. Now that sounds nice. Read that. You done lost your Jackie Collins mind. And don't cut your eyes at me, either.
Rochelle: Boy, don't you know you are too big for a coloring book? White kids your age are building sculptures by now and you're over here trying to stay inside the lines. Come on, Picasso. Get to chippin'. Come on. Chip on. Chip, chip, chip.
Rochelle: You shouldn't be embarrassed that your boy only has a fifth grade reading level. You should be embarrassed that he's 27. He should be reading War and Peace, not Horton Hears a Who!.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Because I was planning to cut school, I was acting guiltier than Michael Richards at an NAACP meeting.

Quote from Julius

Tonya: Daddy, can you come up to our school, too?
Julius: No, baby, I have to renew my driver's license tomorrow.
Rochelle: Baby, I thought you did that already.
Julius: Mm-mm. A new license costs $17.50. And I'm not giving them people my money until I have to.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father waited until the last possible moment to pay for everything-- and I mean everything.
[flashback:]
Meter Maid: Your meter's only got a minute left.
Julius: When that quarter runs out, I'll put in this one.
[flashback:]
Rochelle: Baby, you're almost out of gas.
Julius: When that gas runs out, I'll put in some new gas.
[flashback:]
Doctor: Push. Push.
Rochelle: Julius, would you just pay the man, please?!
Julius: When the baby's all the way out, I'll give him all the money.

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: The fact is, you shouldn't be here.
Chris: Well, I'm sorry. I just wanted to see this movie. I didn't think missing one day of school would hurt.
Ms. Morello: Chris, I know you must be a big Ernie Hudson fan - Thalmus is, too - but do you think Ernie Hudson cut school to go see Gary Coleman movies while he was growing up?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Gary Coleman made a movie?
Ms. Morello: And, Greg, you should be ashamed of yourself. You can see a White man in a movie anytime.

Quote from Rochelle

Boy: "It was the beast of times. It was the roast of times."
Rochelle: I mean, my God, boy, did you eat a bowl of lead paint for breakfast? Go on and sit down and let one of these other illiterates take a crack at it.
Mrs. Wilson: Excuse me, can I speak to you for a minute?
Rochelle: Oh, I'm sorry, is there a problem?
Mrs. Wilson: Yes. You.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: How was it at school?
Tonya: Mom got kicked out.
Julius: What?
Drew: They called the cops and everything.
Tonya: Yeah, we had to beg for them to let her go.
[flashback:]
Rochelle: Why are you arresting me?! You should be arresting these teachers!
Tonya: Please let my mama go!
Rochelle: Kids at a book fair that can't read!
Mrs. Wilson: Oh, get her out of here!
Rochelle: I should call Jesse Jackson! Jesse!

Quote from Ms. Morello

Ms. Morello: Class, I just want to let you know that I won't be here tomorrow because I have a funeral to attend.
Chris: Who died?
Ms. Morello: My sister.
Chris: Oh, I'm sorry.
Ms. Morello: Thank you, Chris. It's hard because I don't have nineteen or twenty other siblings like you.
Greg: What'd she die of?
Ms. Morello: She died of a bad case of grammar. Watch those prepositions.

Quote from Chris

Chris: Um, two tickets for Ghostbusters, please?
Ticket Clerk: Two dollars. [prints tickets] Why aren't you kids in school?
Greg: Uh... see, it's... It's a... Uh... Uh...
Chris: It's a Black holiday.
Ticket Clerk: Yeah? Which one?
Greg: Yeah, Chris, which one?
Chris: Uh... The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman Day.
Ticket Clerk: Oh. Great woman. She was a credit to your race.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And Howdy Doody's a credit to yours.
Ticket Clerk: What are you doing here?
Greg: I'm an octoroon.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In that case, only one-eighth of him should be off from school.
Ticket Clerk: Okay. Enjoy the show. Happy holidays.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] If I made it past this guy, I would finally get to see Ernie Hudson's best work.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Hey, girl, you got a bookmark?
Bernadette: No, thank you, I don't need one.
Rochelle: Oh, okay, Miss Evelyn Wood. I guess you're just gonna speed-read through the whole book.
Bernadette: And who are you?
Rochelle: Oh, who are you? With your magic book that just stays open to whatever page you leave it on.
Bernadette: Excuse me, I got to go.
Rochelle: Girl, you need to go with your cheap behind. You can't spend 25 cents on a bookmark? Did you spend all your money on cookies?
Bernadette: No! I did not spend my money on cookies, if it's any business of yours. I bought a book.
Rochelle: Oh, really? What's it about, crushing dreams? 'Cause that's exactly what you're doing.
Bernadette: Fine! I'll take one.
Rochelle: Thank you. Here you go.
Bernadette: Bye.
Rochelle: Lay off the cookies.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] But the one thing I always did for fun was go to the movies.
[flashback:]
Greg: Man, did you see Purple Rain?
Chris: [as Prie] Yes! "Why don't you stay a while, see how it's done?"
[flashback:]
Greg: Man, did you see Rambo?
Chris: Yeah. [as Stallone] "Do we get to win this time, sir?"
[flashback:]
Greg: Man, did you see Beverly Hills Cop?
Chris: [as Eddie Murphy] "Here, why don't you go ahead and take this banana?"

Quote from Adult Chris

Chris: Greg, you know what? I think we can go see this movie.
Greg: How are we going to do that?
Chris: Cut school.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

Quote from Tonya

Drew: Well, I just don't want you calling me "sweetie" and stuff like that. Last time you came, people made fun of me for a week.
Tonya: Why don't you just call him Joe Rockhead? That's what all my friends call him.
Drew: That's 'cause your friends smell like hot toilet bowls.
Tonya: You smell like underarm and booty crack.
Julius: Hey, stop it. We're eating.

Quote from Greg

Greg: Man, this is going to be so cool.
Chris: Wait, you never cut school before?
Greg: I've had perfect attendance since kindergarten.
Chris: Well, listen, if you don't want to do this, I understand. I wouldn't want to mess up your record.
Greg: Nah, it's cool.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Who knew that in the future this one unexplained absence would keep Greg from getting into Harvard?
Greg: If we get caught, I can just say it was your fault.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Same thing happened to Colin Powell.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While we were cutting class, Greg was sweating like Lil' Kim in Sunday School.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Hey, baby, how's it going? [girls laugh] Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. [girls laugh] I didn't mean to call you "baby."
Drew: Mom, just be quiet.
Rochelle: Honey, I- [girls laugh] What are y'all laughing at, with your hoop earrings on? Let's see if your mother's giggling when you're bringing home babies. [giggles mockingly] Who's laughing now, huh? It ain't funny no more, is it? Come on over here, girl. Buy some lemonade. It's good. My baby made it.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The weirdest thing about being out of school on a school day was plain and simple: no kids.
Greg: This feels strange, like everyone's staring at us.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Almost like being a Black kid at an all-White school?

Quote from Julius

DMV Clerk: Number 25? [Julius places down his ticket] Can I help you?
Julius: Yes, you can help me. I'm here to renew my license.
DMV Clerk: This license is expired.
Julius: No, it's not. It expires today.
DMV Clerk: It expired today at 10:00 a.m. It is almost 2 o'clock.
Julius: Yeah, but I been standing in line since 7:45 a.m.
DMV Clerk: Are you one of those people that waits until the last minute to pay?
Julius: No, I'm one of those people who likes to wait until the last four hours and 15 minutes to pay!
DMV Clerk: Would you like a dime so you can call someone who cares?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I can't believe he didn't take the dime.

Quote from Chris

Chris: After getting away with cutting school today, I was thinking about seeing Brewster's Millions tomorrow.
Rochelle: How many times do I have to tell you to hang up your jacket when you come in?
[As Rochelle picks up Chris's jacket, a movie ticket stub falls out]
News Anchor: [on TV] I am standing here with Verdine White of legendary R&B; group Earth, Wind & Fire, who did an impromptu concert today for the lucky kids at Corleone Junior High. Verdine, how was it?
Verdine White: [on TV] It was really great. But the only sad thing, though, I heard there is a Black kid named Chris at the school, but he wasn't here.
News Anchor: [on TV] Well, that's too bad for Chris. Reporting live, I'm Julie Lancaster at Corleone Junior High. Back to you, Bob, at the studio.
Rochelle: So nothing happened in school today, huh?
Chris: Uh...
Rochelle: Who you gonna call?

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