- Main Characters
- Joey Caruso
- Ms. Morello
- Mr. Omar
- Kill Moves
Quote from Everybody Hates Being Cool
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since I knew nothing about being cool, I decided to consult with the coolest guy I knew to find out his secrets.
Jerome: Hey, little dude from across the street. Let me hold a dollar.
Quote from Everybody Hates the Last Day
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In order to exact the perfect revenge, I decided I should consult some experts.
Jerome: If I was you, I'd move onto his block and take a dollar from him every day for the rest of his life. Let me hold a dollar.
Quote from Everybody Hates Fake IDs
Jerome: Little dude from across the street, can I help you?
Greg: Wait, you work here?
Jerome: Yeah. Why?
Greg: Why didn't you say something when we were at the barbershop?
Jerome: Look here, little dude from across the street's friend from across town, I don't know what you're talking about.
Quote from Everybody Hates Math
Chris: You think I could get an algebra tutor?
Rochelle: An algebra tutor? In Bed-Stuy?
[fantasy: Jerome is holding a whiteboard on the street:]
Jerome: Now, there are six units and 12 tenants in this building. If "X" equals the number of units with televisions, and "Y" equals the people who are at work right now, how many TVs can we steal, hmm?
Quote from Everybody Hates Bad Boys
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We thought about Jerome.
Jerome: Uh... Excuse me, garcon. Can we get some more silverware?
Waitress: I just put some out.
Jerome: [chuckling] I don't know what happened to it.
Quote from Everybody Hates Being Cool
Chris: What do you think makes a guy cool?
Jerome: Cool? Man, nothing makes you cool. You either cool or you're not.
Chris: But what if you're not born cool, and you want to be?
Jerome: Well, the fastest way is to associate yourself with cool people. That way you're cool by association.
Chris: But why would they want to hang with me?
Jerome: Look, man, it starts with attitude, all right? Followed by a little head gear. Accompanied by the walk.
Chris: The walk?
Jerome: Yes, man. All right. The walk. You got to put a lean in your walk, man. You know, like you're slightly bothered by an old gunshot wound to the hip. Like this.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Easy for him. He had a gunshot wound to the hip.
Quote from Everybody Hates Snitches
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But the next day, I was just glad everything was behind me.
Jerome: Yo, little dude from across the street. I heard they caught the shooter and you got paid. I did my part, so where's my $500?
Chris: My mom took it. You can ask her for it.
Jerome: Nah, nah, man. My deal was with you.
Chris: Well, I don't have it.
Jerome: Well, then looks like you're just gonna have to give me a dollar a day for the next... [long deliberation]
Chris: 500 days?
Jerome: I was gonna say 50. Well, that's what you get for snitching. Now, let me hold a dollar.
Quote from Everybody Hates Superstition
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I didn't think my father's lucky socks would make a difference.
Jerome: Hey, little dude from across the street! I just hit the numbers. Want to hold a dollar?
Chris: Yeah. Thanks.
Jerome: That's all you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] They not only made a difference, they made a dollar.
Quote from Everybody Hates a Liar
Jerome: Hey! Little dude from across the street. Man, that's too bad what happened with you and Tasha.
Chris: I told you, nothing happened with me and Tasha.
Jerome: Yeah, I know. Let me hold a dollar.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] They say the truth will set you free, but in my case it cost a dollar.
Quote from Everybody Hates Fat Mike
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Bed-Stuy wasn't the best neighborhood in Brooklyn, but it wasn't quite as bad as people thought. You say, "Bed-Stuy," and people think this...
[archive footage of police using the water hose on people, people rioting amid burning buildings and burned out vehicles]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] But it was a pretty regular place. Mail got delivered. People ran businesses. Kids played in the street. My problem was, since I didn't go to school in the neighborhood, the thugs didn't know me, so they would rob me almost every single day.
Jerome: Yo, yo, yo, little man. You live around here?
Chris: I live right down there.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I could tell him where I lived, but then he might break in my house.
Thug #1: Man, what school you go to?
Chris: Corleone Junior High.
Jerome: Corleone? You ever heard of that?
Thug #1: No.
Jerome: Y'all ever heard of Corleone Junior High?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] These fools never heard of Yale!
Jerome: Hey, man, we ain't never heard of that. So, uh, why don't you let me hold a dollar?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In case you didn't know, when a criminal says, "Let me hold something," that means you're never getting it back.
[fantasy: a masked gunman points his gun at a cashier:]
Masked Gunman: Let me hold your cash register.
Jerome: Thank you.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] It could have been worse. I could have been going to pay the light bill.