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‘Everybody Hates Corleone’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Hates Chris: Everybody Hates Corleone

118. Everybody Hates Corleone

Aired April 13, 2006

Fed up of being bullied at Corleone, Chris tries to get kicked out of school. Meanwhile, Julius gets a great new job at the fish market, but the family don't care for the smell he brings home.

Quote from Julius

Julius: You can't just quit something 'cause you don't like it, Chris.
Chris: But Mom quits her job all the time.
Julius: But you're a man. And men don't quit. What if Jackie Robinson quit? What if George Washington Carver quit? What if Martin Luther King Jr. quit?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] When my father had a point to make, he always started off strong, but he never ended that way.
[45 minutes later:]
Julius: What if Colonel Sanders quit? What if Apollo Creed quit? What if Katherine Jackson quit making kids?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Ain't she a woman?!
Julius: They might be The Jackson Three. What if Kool from Kool and the Gang quit? You think they would have gotten a record contract if they were just called The Gang?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] To this day, I can't tell you what my father said but that smell stayed with me forever.

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Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Ooh! Oh, my God. Julius! What, are you selling the fish or sleeping with a mermaid?
Julius: What's wrong?
Rochelle: Oh, Drew, go open up the windows. Hurry up, Tonya, go get the fans. I'll bring y'all dinner up to y'all later.
Julius: Since when do they get to eat in their room?
Rochelle: Ooh. Since you turn people's stomachs. You smell like pierced ears and cheese. Are you going to come home smelling like this every day? [sprays] My God!
Julius: I don't know, but I if I do, y'all just going to have to get used to it. This job has too many perks.
Rochelle: Ooh. What am I going to do with that? No, you need to take your little friend upstairs and put him in the shower. 'Cause if he smells anything like you, I ain't cooking him, and I damn sure ain't eating him.
Julius: Baby.
Rochelle: Go! Just go! You smell like curried tube socks. [o.s.] Just go!

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Another school?! [Julius shrugs] If you bail Chris out every time he doesn't like something, that means he's gonna run to you every time he has a problem. Which means he'll never learn how to be a man. And if you can't teach him how to be a man, that means you're a bad father. And if you're a bad father, that means I picked the wrong husband. And if you think I'm about to let people run around here talking about I just marry anybody, you must be out your damn mind.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] From there, we tried performing arts school.
Chris: [sings] Fame! I'm gonna live forever I'm gonna learn how to fly
Performing Arts Teacher: Next!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We looked into Hebrew school.
Chris: [sings] Hava Nagila Hava Nagila Hava
Hebrew School Teacher: Next!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] We even tried old school.
Chris: [sings] I said-a hip, hop, the hippie, the hippie To the hip hip hop-a you don't stop the rock It to the bang-bang boogie, say up jump the boogie To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat
Old School Teacher: Next!

Quote from Julius

Julius: What you want me to do?
Rochelle: Quit!
Julius: I can't just quit! What kind of example would that be for the kids, huh? Did Thurgood Marshall quit? Did Frederick Douglass quit? Did Booker T. Washington quit?
Rochelle: I don't know, and I don't care. All I know is, I want you to quit.

Quote from Chris

[As Greg leads the Pledge of Allegiance, Chris raises his gloved fist in a Black Power sign.]
Greg: I pledge allegiance to the flag...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] This has got to work, right?
Greg: ...and to the republic for which it stands.
[Chris notices that Miss Morello is also making the Black Power sign with her gloved fist]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Wrong!
Greg: One nation under God...
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I couldn't believe that didn't work.

Quote from Rochelle

Rochelle: Well, me and your father discussed it, and if you really want to go to the neighborhood school, you can.
Chris: For real?
Rochelle: Yes, but you have to keep your grades up. A's and B's. And if you even think about getting in trouble, I will march down to that school and knock the no-good out of you.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] It had been a year since my mother sent me to Corleone Junior High for a better education.
[A boy bumps into Chris as he walks towards the school]
Chris: Jerk.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Oh, I was getting a better education, all right. An education in misery. I was tired of my classes.
[Ms. Morello's class:]
Ms. Morello: Inga, binga, binga, bunga. Chris, what tribe are you from?
Chris: I don't know!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I still struggled to get sleep.
Chris: Night, Ma.
Rochelle: Night, baby. ... Chris, get your butt up! It's time to go to school.
Chris: Ugh.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And worst of all, everybody hated me. The kids hated me. [Chris is chased by a group of kids] The teachers hated me. [Chris is chased by a group of teachers] Even the lunch ladies hated me. [Chris is chased by a group of lunch ladies] The only good thing that happened to me at Corleone was meeting Greg.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] The next day I set my plan to get kicked out of school into action.
[As Chris sprays paints "Chris was heir" on the wall]
Ms. Morello: Chris, it's "H-E-R-E." Study!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I never could spell.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Meanwhile, back at Corleone, like Kunta Kinte, I was waiting for my freedom papers.

Quote from Joey Caruso

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Finally someone was being nice to me.
Sydney: I'm going to beat your butt in Ms. Pacman.
Chris: Oh, we'll see about that.
Joey Caruso: Surprise, Donkey Kong.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I knew it was too good to be true.
[Greg runs away]
Chris: Greg!
Boy: Run away, you little idiot.
Joey Caruso: Get him!
[Caruso and his mob throw water balloons and paint bombs at Chris]
Joey Caruso: Silly Negro.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You know what? I think it's time for this silly Negro to get out of this school.

Quote from Rochelle

Julius: What happened to him? He looks like a wet mime.
Rochelle: Nothing, he got in an accident at school.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My mother never liked to bother my father with bad news. Like the time Tonya got hit by a bus.
[flashback: Rochelle holding a juice box up to Tonya who is wearing a neck brace and has her arms in slings and her legs in casts:]
Julius: What happened to Tonya?
Rochelle: Nothing.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Or the time Drew got his legs cut off.
[flashback: Rochelle is Drew on a wheelchair:]
Julius: What happened to Drew?
Rochelle: Nothing.

Quote from Julius

Julius: Man, for the first time in years I only have to work one job. And I'll be working during the day. It's going to feel like retirement.
Tonya: So does this mean we don't have to be quiet every day when we come home from school?
Julius: You can make all the noise you want, until 6:00.
Drew: Hey, Dad, can we start buying name brands at the store now?
Julius: Mmm. Just Oreos.
Drew: That's cool.

Quote from Greg

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Since my mother wouldn't let me leave Corleone, I had to take drastic measures.
Greg: You're going to get yourself kicked out?
Chris: I have to get out of here. What other choice do I have?
Greg: I don't know. I guess I just don't want you to go. You leave me here by myself, I'm toast.
Chris: You'll be all right. The only reason why they mess with you is 'cause you hang out with me. You'll find new friends.
Greg: But we're a team, man. We're like Starsky and Hutch. Hall and Oates.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Like Itchy and Blacky.

Quote from Chris

Chris: We'll still be friends. I'll just be at a different school.
Greg: So you think it's going to be different at the other school?
Chris: Yeah. Real different.
[fantasy:]
Soul Train Teacher: Hey, what's your name, kid?
Chris: Chris.
Soul Train Teacher: What's your sign?
Chris: Gemini.
Soul Train Teacher: All right. This cool cat sailed around the world on the Nia, Pinta and the Santa Maria. I will give you a year's supply of Black Fro Sheen if you can unscramble his name.
[Chris dances after rearranging "cslmuoub" to spell "Columbus"]

Quote from Rochelle

Tonya: Mama, when we go to the Great Escape, can we get on the Neck Snapper?
Rochelle: No, and if you get on the Neck Snapper, the next ride you'll be on will be the Butt Whupper.
Drew: Besides, Tonya, you're too little. Chris and I are riding it twice.

Quote from Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] Come hell or high water, I was getting kicked out of school.
[After Chris pulls the fire alarm, the science teacher and his students run out of their smoke-filled class room]
Science Teacher: Oh! Thank you. Thank you. Another 30 seconds in there we would have been blacker than you.

Quote from Chris

Rochelle: You got suspended?
Chris: It was an accident.
Rochelle: Well, how can you accidentally have an accident?
Chris: Some kid was messing with me, so I tried to hit him with my book.
Rochelle: Chris, if you were reading the book instead of throwing the book, maybe people wouldn't have time to mess with you.
Chris: They always find time to mess with me.
Rochelle: I don't even want to hear it. And don't think you just gonna be laying around here watching Knight Rider all day, okay? You're gonna be here working, you're gonna have chores. You know what? Just go upstairs in your room and wait for your father to get here.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] In our house, "Wait for your father" meant I was getting a whupping.

Quote from Adult Chris

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father took his whuppings very seriously. He had a belt for every infraction. There was the Lying Belt, there was the Stealing Belt, the Lying and Stealing Belt, the Got Somebody Pregnant Belt. And the worst was the Doing Drugs Belt. [A belt with a holster and a gun inside]

Quote from Rochelle

Adult Chris: [v.o.] While I was getting ready for my punishment, my mother was getting ready for my father.
Rochelle: He's crazy if he think he gonna be coming up in this house smelling it up like 42nd Street. Oh, no, no, no. People in this neighborhood ain't gonna talk about me.
[later, Rochelle lights candles after covering all the furniture in plastic:]
Julius: Rochelle, what you doing?
Rochelle: Uniform was stinking up the whole house. I been cleaning up all day, trying to get that smell out of here.
Julius: But what's all this? That's $16 worth of plastic wrap.
Rochelle: This plastic is protecting my furniture. That fish smell was saturating everything.

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