Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris is a fictional account of Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show follows Chris, his parents Julius and Rochelle, and siblings Drew and Tonya, as they move to Bedford-Stuyvesant (Bed-Stuy) where Chris starts at a majority-White school.

Starring: Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim, Vincent Martella, Chris Rock.
Recurring Actors: Travis T. Flory, Jacqueline Mazarella, Kevontay Jackson, Ernest Thomas, Jeris Poindexter, Michel Estime, Antonio Fargas, Jackee Harry, Todd Bridges, J.B. Smoove, Earthquake, Tony Rock.
Original Run: 2005-2009.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Chris: [v.o.] Since I was the oldest, I had to be the emergency adult.
[montage:]
Julius: If you smell smoke, and you think the house is gonna catch fire, get your brother and your sister and get out of here.
Julius: If you smell gas and you think the house is gonna blow up, get your brother and your sister and get out of here.
Julius: If you smell smoke, and your brother catches on fire, get your sister and get out of here.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Fortunately, the house never caught fire and neither did my brother.

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Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Sausage

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: I know you're not gonna threw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Elections

Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and found out I lost $10. And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair. Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's how that sounded to my father.
[fantasy:]
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and discovered that I lost my $10. [garbled babbling] Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
[reality:]
Julius: You lost $10? That's $10 worth of dollars.

Trending Quotes

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Cake

Julius: I knew this androgynous guy when I was coming up.
Chris: You did?
Julius: Yeah. He was one of the baddest dudes I ever met. Pink Bobby Jenkins. He was androgynous way before it was popular. Everybody used to make fun of him.
Chris: Pink Bobby? So did you guys hang out?
Julius: Nope. I didn't want people to think I was androgynous. Then one day, I was coming home from school, and these guys jumped me. Oh, they had me too. Then, next thing I know, here comes Pink Bobby. Man, Pink Bobby was knocking suckers out. I asked him why'd he help me, even though I wouldn't talk to him. But he said he didn't care that I didn't talk to him. It was because I didn't talk about him. After that, we were always cool.
Chris: And people didn't think you were androgynous?
Julius: Look, Chris, unless you show up in a dress, heels and makeup, nobody's gonna think you're androgynous.
Chris: Thanks, Dad.

Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor

Mr. Abbott: Okay, I'm going to make it a little simpler for you. Slow.
Chris: Fast.
Mr. Abbott: Dumb.
Chris: Sucker.
Mr. Abbott: Punk.
Chris: Chump.
Mr. Abbott: Idiot.
Chris: Fool.
Mr. Abbott: Who?
Chris: You.
Mr. Abbott: What?
Chris: Chicken-butt.
Mr. Abbott: Put it in a cup.
Chris: Go around the corner and lick it up. [Mr. Abott starts writing] Oh, wait a minute.

Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates Picture Day

Chris: He stole my clothes.
Joey Caruso: No, I didn't.
Chris: Yes, you did.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Mrs. Malone was the school's assistant principal. She was promoted to the position after proving the only thing she hated more than kids was working with kids.
Mrs. Milone: Stop it. Both of you. I don't have time for this. If you stole his clothes, give them back now.
Joey Caruso: I didn't. [opens his locker] See? Told you.
Mrs. Milone: I don't like liars, young man. Lie to me again, that's detention.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] I wonder what I would have gotten if I'd stomped on her big toe.