Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris is a fictional account of Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show follows Chris, his parents Julius and Rochelle, and siblings Drew and Tonya, as they move to Bedford-Stuyvesant (Bed-Stuy) where Chris starts at a majority-White school.

Starring: Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim, Vincent Martella, Chris Rock.
Recurring Actors: Travis T. Flory, Jacqueline Mazarella, Kevontay Jackson, Ernest Thomas, Jeris Poindexter, Michel Estime, Antonio Fargas, Jackee Harry, Todd Bridges, J.B. Smoove, Earthquake, Tony Rock.
Original Run: 2005-2009.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates the Guidance Counselor

Mr. Abbott: What we're going to do is the word association test. I'm going to say a word and I want you to say the first thing that comes to mind.
Chris: Brain.
Mr. Abbott: Excuse me?
Chris: Brain. You said "mind" and I said "brain."
Mr. Abbott: Yeah, but we haven't even started yet.
Chris: Oh, sorry.

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Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates Elections

Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and found out I lost $10. And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair. Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Here's how that sounded to my father.
[fantasy:]
Rochelle: I went to the beauty parlor and discovered that I lost my $10. [garbled babbling] Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
[reality:]
Julius: You lost $10? That's $10 worth of dollars.

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Sausage

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!

Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: I know you're not gonna threw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

Trending Quotes

Quote from Drew in Everybody Hates the First Kiss

Drew: Where's my money?
Mr. Omar: You said you were coming back tomorrow.
Drew: It is tomorrow.
Mr. Omar: It's 4:00 in the morning, man.
Drew: I want my money.
Mr. Omar: Drew, I got to get up in the morning and go to work.
Drew: And I got to get up and go to school, but I can't concentrate because I don't have my money.
Mr. Omar: [sighs heavily] Okay, okay. Can you give me another day?
Drew: Fine. [stops Mr. Omar closing the door] But another day is going to cost you another dollar. And after tomorrow, that's it.
Mr. Omar: What's it?
Drew: Nothing. I'd just hate to see something bad happen.
Mr. Omar: What kind of something?
Drew: Something tragic. Have a nice night.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Drew went on to help found Death Row Records.

Quote from Vanessa in Everybody Hates Big Bird

Adult Chris: [v.o.] I realized my mistake, and Vanessa realized that going out with Kill Moves wasn't a mistake at all.
Rochelle: You were out all night?
Vanessa: Oh, girl, that's just the start of it. We opened the champagne, headed for the seaport. There was a pink helicopter waiting for me.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] You can hear about the rest of Vanessa's date at www.vanessasbigdatewithkillmoves.tv

Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates the New Kid

Tonya: Give it, or I'm going to tell.
Drew: Tonya, you didn't even want the Frosty Flakes until I had them. Stop!
Tonya: So, you can eat Crazy Bran.
Drew: I'm not eating the Crazy Bran, Tonya. Stop!
Tonya: Stop! You're spilling it!
Rochelle: Okay! Give me those darn cereal! [empties the box into a bowl] I'm sick of y'all fighting over cereal. Every day, y'all... [empties another box] You need a life bigger that cereal! [empties a big box] It's cereal! [mixes it up] Now eat the damn cereal! [puts a spoon, small bowl and a carton of milk in the bowl]
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Eat the Damn Cereal. Coming soon from Kellogg's.