Everybody Hates Chris Quotes

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris is a fictional account of Chris Rock's teenage years in Brooklyn in the 1980s. The show follows Chris, his parents Julius and Rochelle, and siblings Drew and Tonya, as they move to Bedford-Stuyvesant (Bed-Stuy) where Chris starts at a majority-White school.

Starring: Tyler James Williams, Terry Crews, Tichina Arnold, Tequan Richmond, Imani Hakim, Vincent Martella, Chris Rock.
Recurring Actors: Travis T. Flory, Jacqueline Mazarella, Kevontay Jackson, Ernest Thomas, Jeris Poindexter, Michel Estime, Antonio Fargas, Jackee Harry, Todd Bridges, J.B. Smoove, Earthquake, Tony Rock.
Original Run: 2005-2009.

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Quote from Greg in Everybody Hates Halloween

Greg: How old is she?
Chris: Lisa? Fifteen.
Greg: Dude, you are so in there!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Anytime I did anything involving a girl, Greg thought I was "in there."
[flashback to Chris and Greg in class:]
Girl: Chris, can I borrow a pencil?
Greg: Dude, you are so in there.
[flashback to Chris and Greg in the school hallway:]
Teacher: Hello, Chris.
Greg: Dude, you are so in there.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Had I known what I know now about teachers, I'd say that was the one time he was probably right.

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Quote from Rochelle in Everybody Hates Sausage

Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always worked two jobs, which made my mother so comfortable, she'd quit her job over anything.
[flashback to Rochelle as a waitress:]
Woman: Check, please?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] And I mean anything.
Rochelle: Now, do I look like I have your check? All that hollering at people. I don't need this. My husband has two jobs. I don't need to be here right now.
[flashback to Rochelle as a receptionist:]
Man: Hold my calls.
Rochelle: Who are you hollering at? "Hold my calls." Hold your own damn call! I do not need this! My man has two jobs!

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Quote from Julius in Everybody Hates the Pilot

Julius: I know you're not gonna throw that away. Eat that. That's 30 cents worth of oatmeal.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] My father always knew what everything costs.
[montage:]
Julius: [retrieving a chicken wing from the trash] That's $1.09 in the trash.
Julius: [next to a tray of burnt biscuits] That's $2 on fire.
Julius: That's 49 cents of spilled milk dripping all over my table. Somebody's gonna drink this milk.

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Quote from Drew in Everybody Hates the English Teacher

Drew: 21.
Mr. Omar: You hit on 17?
Adult Chris: [v.o.] What Mr. Omar didn't know was that when it came to numbers, Drew was like my father.
[montage:]
Drew: Wow, that's 562,002 granules of sugar.
Drew: Wow, that's 357,000 raindrops.
Drew: Wow, that's one cupcake.

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Mr. Abbott: Okay, I'm going to make it a little simpler for you. Slow.
Chris: Fast.
Mr. Abbott: Dumb.
Chris: Sucker.
Mr. Abbott: Punk.
Chris: Chump.
Mr. Abbott: Idiot.
Chris: Fool.
Mr. Abbott: Who?
Chris: You.
Mr. Abbott: What?
Chris: Chicken-butt.
Mr. Abbott: Put it in a cup.
Chris: Go around the corner and lick it up. [Mr. Abott starts writing] Oh, wait a minute.

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Quote from Mr. Omar in Everybody Hates Cake

Mr. Omar: Hey, hey! Hey!
Drew: Hey, Mr. Omar.
Mr. Omar: Uh-uh, don't "hey" me. I know y'all were watching my videotape machine.
Tonya: How?
Mr. Omar: The counter told on you. It was at 0743. Now it says 0002.
Tonya: So?
Mr. Omar: So? So the lady I'm seeing likes to do things by the numbers. I was waiting on 800. She had a special surprise for me at 800, and you ruined it.
Adult Chris: [v.o.] The surprise was, she was a man.
Drew: Isn't that kinda weird?
Mr. Omar: Isn't that kinda none of your business? Look, I told you not to touch anything. A deal is a deal. Now give me back my money. [Tonya hands back the money] Any day now.
Drew: [hands back the money] Tragic.

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