Schitt's Creek Quotes

Schitt's Creek

Schitt's Creek

After the wealthy Rose family lose their fortune, they go to live in their one remaining asset, the small town of Schitt's Creek, which they bought as a joke two decades earlier.

Starring: Eugene Levy, Catherine O'Hara, Daniel Levy, Annie Murphy, Emily Hampshire, Chris Elliott, Jenn Robertson, Dustin Milligan, Sarah Levy, Noah Reid, John Hemphill, Karen Robinson.
Recurring Actors: Tim Rozon, Rizwan Manji.
Original Run: 2015-2020.

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Quote from Moira in Don't Worry, It's His Sister

Moira: It's not your fault, the script is garbage! Okay, which one of you wrote this?
Jocelyn: I did.
Moira: Jocelyn, have you ever been addicted to drugs?
Johnny: No!
Moira: Then write what you know, okay? The quiet suffering of a woman trapped in a relationship with a simpleton.
Johnny: That's not what I know, Moira, and drug awareness is part of the curriculum, so...


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Quote from Alexis in The Hospies

Alexis: [singing] Are you ready? Let's do it. I'm a Lamborghini I'm a Hollywood star I'm a little bit tipsy When I drive my car I'm expensive sushi I'm a cute, huge yacht I'm a little bit single Even when I'm not Ah! Ah! I'm little bit I'm a little bit I'm a little bit of la la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis La la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis
Jocelyn: Oh wow, okay. [stops music]
Alexis: La-la-la.
Jocelyn: Just wonderful.
Alexis: Okay, yeah, I still actually had a few more verses. And in the last verse, I really get to showcase my range.

Quote from Moira in Roadkill

Johnny: When might we expect your daughter to show up? Because we do have a very busy day ahead of us.
Hank: Well, Baby's still sleeping. But if you wanna go and wake her up, tell her what happened, by all means.
Moira: Where is bébé's chamber?
Hank: [floorboards creak] Oh, there she is now. She's either up, or takin' a leak.
Moira: Either way, great progress for bébé.

Quote from Moira in The Throuple

Moira: I never meant for you to think that I didn't wanna spend any time with you. Well I hope it's not too late to make up for lost time.
Alexis: Okay. What is your favourite season?
Moira: [inhales sharply] Awards.

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Quote from David in Bob's Bagels

Wendy: Skanky! Do you still think my store is skanky, David?
David: [nods] Which is why I feel like I can help.
Wendy: You think I need your help?!
David: Well, I am answering an ad in the paper.
Wendy: Well, David, I am looking for a partner. Someone who believes in my store.
David: Well, I can say with complete certainty that I see literally nothing but potential. In your store, you know? Is the floor overcrowded? Yeah. Are the mannequins a little too busty? Absolutely. Does it smell like urinal cakes in here? Perhaps.
Wendy: Well, this is all very constructive, and it's clear you have some strong ideas. It seems as though you have trouble filtering negative thoughts. So I don't know if I can trust you to represent the "Blouse Barn."
David: Okay. Well, this has been a treat. Thank you so much.
Wendy: I'll need to see you on the floor, working with customers.
David: Okay.