Jocelyn Schitt Quotes Page 1 of 6

Quote from The Drip

Jocelyn: I teach high school.
Moira: Oh, you're a saint.
Jocelyn: I love it. I love connecting with the young people. Although, I know those boys are undressing me every time I drop a piece of chalk.
Roland: Yeah. Well, maybe we should hold onto our chalk, hmm?
Jocelyn: They're boys! It's cute.

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Quote from Turkey Shoot

Jocelyn: Anyways, I asked this kid to come to the front of the class and solve this math equation and he was "pitching a tent." He had a boner!
Johnny: Oh.
Jocelyn: And then I was thinking, these are young boys, these poor kids, and it can't be easy having a teacher like myself, so... What was your question again?
Johnny: You know, it's been so long I can't remember.

Quote from The Rollout

Moira: But shame on them for summoning a woman in your condition.
Jocelyn: Oh no, I've been waiting for this moment. Apparently, if they call your number, you get to stand in front of a judge. I feel like I'm on "The Voice"!

Quote from Moira Rosé

Jocelyn: Alexis, can I still go on the trip? I'm not saying that I need it. It's just last weekend I snuck Roland Jr. Into the ball room at Ikea, just so I could eat a meatball by myself.

Quote from Singles Week

Jocelyn: [bouncing on a ball] Moira, you don't have to stay, Roly will be here any minute, and I know how much the singles event means to you.
Moira: No, no, Jocelyn, normally I wouldn't even consider leaving, but Alexis Alexis has never handled this kind of responsibility. And I would just hate to see it all come clattering down around her.
Jocelyn: Okay, Moira. Moira, if I may... Listen, I can't speak to who Alexis was before you came here, and from what I've heard I don't really wanna dig any deeper into that, but what I can say is this. I have watched your daughter, over the last couple of years, grow into one of the most amazing people I've ever known. She is a hard worker, she is kind, and she is capable of so much more than people give her credit for.
Moira: Jocelyn, that is one of the most generous compliments one could receive as a mother.
Jocelyn: We all have fears as parents, Moira, but at some point, we just have to believe in our kids.

Quote from The Drip

Moira: [quietly] John.
Roland: Oh, there it is! There it is! The Vivian Blake bitch face!
Moira: Excuse me?
Roland: I didn't want to say anything, but you were my favourite character on Sunrise Bay.
Moira: Thanks.
Jocelyn: It's true. He lived for Sunrise Bay. I could be doing cartwheels in a thong in front of that television, which I have done, but if your show was on, I was as good as wall paper.

Quote from Turkey Shoot

Jocelyn: I just wanted to say how fun it was to spend the day with you.
Moira: Oh, Jocelyn, 'tis I who owes you a big thank you.
Jocelyn: I also wanted to apologize for Janine ruining your wig.
Moira: No, don't be silly. I was I was about to find a shower cap.
Jocelyn: I know you hate your hair, Moira. Almost as much as you hate this town. But there's a possibility you could be here a really long time. May I offer you something? The people here are just trying to help you, and there'll be days when your wigs need conditioning. Or one of your fashion-y blouses shrinks in the dryer, and you'll have to go to Janine's. Or get a shirt at the Blouse Barn, just like the rest of us. And I would hate for that day to catch you by surprise.

Quote from Asbestos Fest

Jocelyn: What are you saying?
Moira: I'm saying I am stepping out of the limelight, Jocelyn.
Jocelyn: But we already re-printed the posters from "TV's Moira Rose," to "Television's Moira Rose!"
Moira: And that's great, that will get them in the door and then the kids take over from there! That's-
Jocelyn: Okay. I see what's going on here. Somebody's got cold feet.
Moira: Ha ha. Blocks of ice. I bit off more than I could chew.
Jocelyn: You know what, Moira, we have all been there. Yeah. On my wedding day, I thought, what if I just got in my car and drove to New Mexico, and left Roland at the altar at the Elmdale Bingo Hall? Bottom line, I got cold feet too, and I faced my fears, and now look at us! 27 years of bliss.
Moira: Was I to perceive something encouraging within that little anecdote?

Quote from Moira Rosé

Twyla: I didn't know they'd make us change out of our own workout clothes.
Jocelyn: Yeah, I kinda wish I knew that before I spent all that money on my LuLu Limes.

Quote from Turkey Shoot

Moira: There you are, John! Where did my towel go?
Jocelyn: Moira! Nanaimo bars. Accidentally doubled the batch and Roland's on diabetes watch, so I thought why not share the wealth?

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