Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Jazzagals’ Quotes

Schitt's Creek: Jazzagals

203. Jazzagals

Aired January 19, 2016

Moira wants to join Jocelyn's singing group, the Jazzagals. Meanwhile, David attempts to build a chest for his knitwear, Alexis is spending her time at Mutt's, and Johnny is fed up of having to serve Bob's customers.

Quote from Bob

Bob: [runs up] Hey, Johnny. Keepin' busy, or, uh, hardly workin'?
Johnny: Well, first of all, Bob, that's not the expression.

Rate

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: There's a tool shed out back, the other side of the motel.
David: Okay.
Stevie: Will you be requiring a tool box?
David: Maybe? Um, let's go with yes, just to be safe.
Stevie: Will you be needing your basic toolbox, or your "cedar chest" tool box?
David: Obviously the cedar chest tool box!
Stevie: Oh, that's in the shed. It's a big wooden box, with the words, "tools to make a cedar chest" carved into the side of it, so it's really clear...
David: Okay. I'm assuming you're kidding. Um... But in the off chance that you're not, where in the shed would I find that box? You're kidding.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Honestly, David, why are you not ready?
David: I'm not going. How is it that a moth can find its way into a triple locked titanium suitcase?!
Moira: The perils of owning cashmere. Alexis! Please, dear!
David: Alexis hasn't been here for a week and a half. She's at Mutt's.
Moira: Well, that's simply not true. I had breakfast with her just yesterday.
David: That was me!
Moira: We had a lengthy conversation about hosiery and menopause.
David: Again, that was me.

Quote from Bob

Bob: [runs up] Hey, Johnny. I just went out and got me a muffin.
Johnny: Bob, a customer was just in here, and he was saying he had a problem with a muffler.
Bob: Oh yeah? What, uh, what'd it end up being?
Johnny: Well, I don't know, I didn't go out and look.
Bob: Oh?
Johnny: I'm not a mechanic!
Bob: Well, I don't expect you to know everything, but you know, if a client of yours came in here, I'd certainly talk to them.
Johnny: Well, I hope you wouldn't.
Bob: Well, not that I have to worry, I know you're a little low on clients.
Johnny: That's because I'm building a business, Bob. And right now I'm in strategy mode, looking for opportunities, and eventually I will implement a plan.
Bob: Well, if you feel like, uh, you might like to implement a muffler, be my guest. Because I can't afford to lose any customers right now, Johnny. Especially, ah, when I'm giving away free office space.

Quote from Bob

Bob: Oh, poor Dick. He loved that car. It was a gift from the church. He and his family hit on some hard times, and uh-
Johnny: Yeah, you know what, Bob? I'll tell 'ya, I will call Mr. Stinson, and apologize.
Bob: Well, you can apologize to Mr. Stinson until the cows come home, but I don't see how that is gonna help Dick Sinson!
Johnny: I'll fix it, Bob!
Bob: Here's hopin'.
Johnny: Ridiculous name! Sin- Sinson. Sinson! Dick Sin- Sinson!

Quote from Moira

Moira: Well, a little bird chirped in my ear about your singing group.
Jocelyn: Oh, you mean the Jazzagals?
Moira: Yes. At first I wondered aloud, why would a competitive vocal group not reach out to a trained chanteuse?
Jocelyn: Oh, we're just a group of gals.
Moira: Exactly. That's the answer. Small minds don't reach for the stars. No more! Not on my watch. Jocelyn, I am here!

Quote from David

David: Question. The cedar planks out behind the motel, are they being used for something, or are they up for grabs?
Stevie: How do you know it's cedar?
David: Um, I bought a cologne once, in Japan, that's supposed to smell like the aftermath of a car crashing into a cedar tree.
Stevie: Why would anyone wanna smell like that?

Quote from Moira

Moira: David! Alexis! Time to leave for breakfast.

Quote from David

Mutt: Can I tell you something? But you gotta promise not to tell Alexis.
David: Okay, um If you're experiencing feelings for me, like, I totally get it. And normally I'd be into it, I've just been down this road before, and it's- It's messy.
Mutt: No, it's about Alexis.
David: I see, okay.

Quote from Moira

Moira: You do realize I am a professional vocalist.
Twyla: Oh, really? I thought you were in like, a soap opera.
Moira: Oh, I didn't know you were a fan, thank you! My roots are in the theatre. Especially musicals. Anything "Andy" Webber.
Twyla: Wow. So did you record an album?
Moira: Oh, yes, you'll find me on ensemble tracks seven, nine, and thirteen of the original cast recording of Starlight- "Starlight Express."

Quote from David

Stevie: Um, If I may, what are you planning on doing with a pile of wood?
David: Oh. Um... A family of moths seem to have mistaken my cashmere sweaters for an Atlantic City all-you-can-eat buffet. And I plan on putting a stop to that. So I'm building a cedar chest for my knits.
Stevie: You're planning on building a cedar chest?
David: That's correct.
Stevie: You are. You're gonna build it?
David: It's a box! So you're just nailing some planks of wood together. Anyway, if you've seen the state of my sweaters, you'd know that I have very little choice in the matter.

Quote from Moira

Twyla: Yeah, the Jazzagals is our singing group.
Moira: A singing group? What fun.
Twyla: Yeah, Jocelyn started it a few years ago, and it's been great. We even went to New York once.
Moira: Oh, a trip to the big city. How grand! Let me guess, a bucket of shrimp in Times Square, followed by a "Lion King" matinee!
Twyla: No, actually, we performed in Central Park.
Moira: C- Central Park? Really?

Quote from Mutt

Mutt: Uh, hey, I just came by for Alexis, she wanted me to grab some uh-
David: Cute looks for the barn?
Mutt: Cute looks for- Yeah.

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: You wanna audition for the Jazzagals?
Moira: Au-Audition? Uh, though I'm sure you mean no offence, in the actual world of entertainment, I'm what's known as, "offer only."
Jocelyn: Moira, I know you're a great singer, everybody has to audition, and I can't have you not audition, it would open up a whole can of worms. I mean, even Gwen had to audition, and she was in a regional production of "Annie."
Moira: Who hasn't been?

Quote from Bob

Johnny: If I may, an observation? To run a business, you have to be here to run the business. You have to be here to deal with your clients. That's what I've been doing all afternoon.
Bob: You got some clients, that's great news.
Johnny: No, I was dealing with your customers.
Bob: Well, thank you, Johnny, That's a refreshing change of attitude.

Quote from Bob

Johnny: Bob, you're never here. And while you were gone, I helped a customer fill his tire with air, I helped an elderly woman add oil to her car, and I sold the '93 Buick for $350 dollars. You've got to be here to run your business!
Bob: Whoa, you have been busy! Listen, uh tell me just a little more about selling that Buick.
Johnny: Well, it's a funny story. This guy came in supposedly for directions. Okay, but anyone with a background in sales could see how he was eyeballing that Buick. So I slow play it. I pretend I don't notice. And then he sort of mentions the Buick. So I hem and haw, textbook stuff, I tell him, you know, oh, there's a lot of interest in that particular vehicle.
You know, I'm playing the guy like a bow fiddle. Then he finally admits this is the kind of car that he's been looking for. Oh, really? Says I. That's when I go in for the kill. Long story short, he forks over $350 dollars cash. And you're welcome. Certain instincts you just don't lose. It's like riding a bike.
Bob: Well, funny you should use that expression. Because Dick Sinson is gonna be riding his bike until we can get his car back for him!
Johnny: Who's Dick Simpson?
Bob: I couldn't tell 'ya. But Dick Sinson is the fella whose car you just sold. He brought it in for a brake job. I don't recall him wanting to sell it.
Johnny: Oh.

Quote from Mutt

David: This is really nice of you. Thank you very much.
Mutt: Yeah, well, I can't not jump in and help when I see someone doin' something wrong.
David: Was it wrong, or was it just unconventional?
Mutt: No, it was wrong.
David: Okay, well, I'm not gonna argue with you, 'cause I need you to keep working, we're in too deep.

Quote from David

Mutt: And I live alone, and now someone is there all the time. Which is great.
David: Uh huh.
Mutt: But just not every day. And I just don't know what to say.
David: Well, she sort of fades into the background after a while, you know, like a smoke alarm.
Mutt: Are you just saying that because you don't want her to move back here?
David: Yes, I am!

Quote from Moira

Moira: It did seem like a few of them might've had some training, but what I bring is a certain sophistication, improvisation, showmanship!
Johnny: I'm sure you wowed them, honey.
Moira: Oh, John, there were definitely lots of surprised looks.
Johnny: Well, they've probably never heard the real deal.
Moira: I suppose! Oh John, it felt so good to be working the old muscles again! Riding the melody, bending the notes!

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Well, they must've enjoyed it sweetheart, if they asked you to join.
Moira: Mm. I know. I only wish you could've been there, John. It would've been so nice to have you to sing to.
Johnny: Well, I'm sorry I missed it.
Moira: [singing] In your dreams I'll soon caress your Mmm-mmm In your dreams I'll huzzle lovingly
Johnny: Sweetheart.
Moira: Boncha boom da da Between you and me
Johnny: Honey?
Moira: I was older darling dream with me


 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  Select another episode