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‘Love Letters’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Schitt's Creek: Love Letters

502. Love Letters

Aired January 15, 2019

After Moira returns from Bosnia having gone without sleep for three days, she is alarmed when she discovers a trove of love letters written to Johnny. Meanwhile, David and Stevie are held up at the shop, and Alexis tries to show Ted she kept hold of things from their earlier relationship.

Quote from Stevie

Patrick: It just doesn't make any sense. I mean, I can understand taking the wine, but who steals a jar of tapenade? And the brie?!
David: Yeah, the brie. Stevie? The brie?
Stevie: Well, at least we know if the cops don't get him, his cholesterol will.

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Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Look at you all dressed up, Mr. Sporty Spice.
Ted: Uh yeah, I'm dressed for the run that we're supposed to be going on, but I don't think you can run in those.
Alexis: Tell that to me at 21, escaping the yakuza.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Jocelyn!
Jocelyn: Moira, you're back. Did you just let yourself in?
Moira: I have been knocking on your door since the beginning of time! Although now that I'm standing here, it's equally possible that I didn't knock at all. I suppose we'll never know, will we?

Quote from Moira

Moira: Well, well, "John-John" returns.
Johnny: Okay, Moira, don't tell me you still haven't slept.
Moira: What would give you that impression?
Johnny: Sweetheart, you've got to find a way of getting some sleep!
Moira: Easier said than done, John, when your only husband is longing for his epistle-writing inamorata.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Oh, and what a journey it has been! Production had me routed through Nairobi for some reason, and then our plane was grounded after flying through a swarm of locusts. I didn't want to miss my third connection, so I took a Bosnian upper just to keep awake. Those things are the size of a nickel, so I only took one, at least, I think I did. I may have taken a second one just to be safe, because I don't know if I took that first one, or not. Either way, I've been up since eight am three days ago, with time changes factored in, and I couldn't be happier to see you!

Quote from Alexis

Twyla: So do you want the locket?
Alexis: No, Twy, I got it for you. But what I'm saying is, let's swap for it. I have a toe ring that would look so cute on you!
Twyla: We're not allowed to wear open-toed shoes, but, um, maybe I could take that bracelet?
Alexis: Yes! Um, I actually got this in a swap with Sienna Miller. And by that I mean it fell off her wrist at a Halloween party, and I kept it.

Quote from Patrick

Police Officer: So let me get this straight. You have no idea what it looks like, or whether there was one in the first place.
Patrick: You guys said you were held up!
David: Emotionally! I mean, I don't know if there was a gun, but it was still a robbery, he was wearing a mask. And would we all not agree that words are weapons?!
Patrick: Okay, so you offered the wine, and you offered the cheese and the tapenade, and there was no gun? This guy just sounds like a lucky customer, David!

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Moira, you wrote those letters!
Moira: Don't be absurd, that is not my writing!
Johnny: It was that week on Sunrise Bay when Vivian Blake had her accident. You were in a body cast, they wouldn't let you take it off. You were writing with your left hand!
Moira: The spelunking incident.
Johnny: No. It was after she got thrown upwards through a skylight.

Quote from Moira

Moira: John! Are you awake? John!
Johnny: What? What's happening?
Moira: Your wayfaring thespian has returned! I-I don't wanna jinx anything, but the shoot was a triumph. The local Bosnians are calling it a stunning re-invigoration of the "Crows Have Eyes" franchise. That, of course, is a loose translation.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Oh, well that sounds great, sweetheart.
Moira: John, no need to get out of bed, dear. I'm sure you considered planning a little more fanfare for my return, but oh, it's best to ease back in.
Johnny: It's 3:30 in the morning, you said you were coming in today at noon.
Moira: Yes! Noon Bosnian Mountain Time, that is! Which was several hours ago, John.

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