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‘The Presidential Suite’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Schitt's Creek: The Presidential Suite

608. The Presidential Suite

Aired February 25, 2020

Johnny and Moira decide to sneak away to a classy room at the new motel. Meanwhile, David and Patrick have engagement photos taken, and Ted unexpectedly drops in on Alexis.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Is everything okay? It's okay to admit that I tuckered you out.
Ted: No, it's, it's not that.
Alexis: Okay, then what is it?
Ted: I just thought that it was important that we have this conversation in person.
Alexis: You're starting to sound like me trying to end things with B-Rock on the Backstreet Boys Millennium Tour.

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Quote from Moira

Roland: You know that staycation we've been talking about? Why don't we just do that here?
Johnny: Well, Roland, that-that sounds good, but, uh, that just can't happen. As a new business owner it's dangerous to treat your assets as personal possessions.
Moira: That's my John. At Rose Video, he made me purchase the Blu-ray of my gritty feminist police drama, "Miranda Rights".
Jocelyn: I rented that three times. Miranda is so sassy when she went undercover for that wet T-shirt contest.

Quote from Ted

Alexis: Okay, here's what I'm thinking, we do that like three to four more times, and then we go on a romantic walk to your house and we like hang out there for a little bit.
Ted: Yeah um, that plan sounds really active, Alexis.
Alexis: Mm-hmm.
Ted: But, uh, my mom's staying at my place and, uh, I'd rather not walk in on her and her Zumba instructor. Don't wanna have to zoom back here.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Twy, do you ever have those days where you wonder why things just can't be easier?
Twyla: Why, what's going on?
Alexis: Ted got a job.
Twyla: Another one?
Alexis: No, the same one.
Twyla: He got offered the same job he already has?
Alexis: No, same job, they just want him to stay longer, like forever.
Alexis: Oh. Yeah, so it's like what now? Do I leave everything behind and move to some random island to be with the love of my life? 'Cause I did that with Harry Styles in England. It was, like, too rainy.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Oh, so you're willing to reconsider a room upgrade?
Johnny: Upgrade? Oh, I thought you were talking about a romantic weekend.
Moira: Well, we start with a weekend and go from there. You don't believe we deserve this perquisite, John? At least until we secure a way out of here.
Johnny: Moira, yeah, the room is bigger. It might even be nicer, but haven't we managed to make do here in this room over the past few years?
Moira: Yes, in the same way rogue crustaceans are known to make do in old soda cans.
Johnny: And what about the kids? We're just going to abandon them here?
Moira: They're practically middle-aged and they're not denying theirselves betterment, why should we?

Quote from Roland

Johnny: Okay, alright, hold it up and hold it taut please.
Roland: I'm sorry, taut? [laughs] What is that, old English? How 'bout I hold it tight?

Quote from Ray

Ray: Oh, hi, Patrick, I almost didn't recognize you, you look like one of those people who has that skin condition from eating one too many carrots.

Quote from Moira

Moira: [screams]
Johnny: Moira, what's going on in there?
Moira: Oh! It's my hands, John. It's the water. It's freezing cold.
Johnny: Well, then move your hands.
Moira: How will I know if it's getting warmer if I'm not touching it?
Johnny: Well, Moira, you've got the cold tap on. You've gotta balance it with the hot.
Moira: [shuts water off] Oh. Well, I'm sorry I'm not an alchemist, John, and it's not like there's a his sink for when the hers is inoperable.
Johnny: Okay, Moira.
Moira: Excuse me while I try to pass through. Oh, John, these door frames. It's like trying to force oneself through the eye of a needle.
Johnny: I think, uh, the point's been made, Moira.

Quote from Alexis

Ted: Well, I appreciate the gesture, Alexis. So I feel like there's an elephant in the room and I skipped the class that taught us how to care for large mammals and I don't know how to get it to leave.
Alexis: You can't move back here, Ted. You've just been offered the job of your dreams and there's no turning back now. And just think of all those gross little flies that are still out there for you to discover.
Ted: Actually, those flies are an invaluable piece of the puzzle in the study of evolution. But, yes, we do have our fingers crossed that there are still a few more out there. What about you, what are you gonna do?
Alexis: This might come as a shock to you, Ted, but... I can't move to the Galapagos.
Ted: I wouldn't let you even if you tried. You're building something special here, Alexis, and you deserve to see where it takes you. I'm so proud of you.
Alexis: I'm so proud of you. I'd like to think that we helped each other get here.
Ted: I know that we did.
Alexis: And when you get on that plane tomorrow I want you to know how grateful I am to have met you.
Ted: I don't think I'm ever gonna meet another woman who made me feel the way that you do.
Alexis: I'm sure there'll be, like, some other woman, somewhere.
Ted: Can't say that we didn't try.
Alexis: I love you, Ted.
Ted: I love you too.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Let's get to it, let's cut the ribbon. Roland.
Ronnie: Okay.
Johnny: Wanna hold that? Stevie, you wanna hold this, hold it up?
Stevie: Mr. Rose, do we really need to do this.
Johnny: Yeah, yes, yes we do. Moira, scissors. Hey, how about a drum roll, Stevie?
Stevie: I'd rather not.
Jocelyn: Yeah, you know what, I'm just gonna take off the blindfold.
Johnny: Okay. Moira, scissors please. Okay, what are these? These won't cut a ribbon.
Moira: They're cuticle shears, John. Do you expect hedge clippers to be drawn from my purse?

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