Schitt's Creek Quote of the Day

Saturday, May 8, 2021

Quote from Alexis in Maid of Honour

Stevie: Okay, I'm starting to realize that there's a lot more to this job than I thought.
Alexis: Tell me about it. I once planned Megan Fox's bachelorette on this tiny island off the coast of Montenegro where nothing is illegal. Like nothing.


Recent Quotes

Friday, May 7, 2021

Quote from Moira in Housewarming

Moira: Oh, if it weren't for Joyce Dewitt insisting on wearing those pigtails, this movie could've been a hit! We're supposed to be astrophysicists, it just takes you out of it. And yet, she, she gets the close up!
Johnny: Well, that was shocking.
Moira: I know, right? And I get the aerial shot for my love scene.
Johnny: No, no, I'm talking about the kid. To think this little thing could create so much destruction.
Moira: Oh, you've completed the diaper substitution. Aren't you the Sephardic Mr. Clean!

Thursday, May 6, 2021

Quote from Johnny in Our Cup Runneth Over

Lawyer: You bought a small town in 1991, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, I bought that as a joke for my son.
David: Wait, you actually purchased that town?
Johnny: Yes, I purchased the town. How else could I get the deed?
Alexis: You could've photo shopped the deed.
David: And saved the money.
Johnny: Why would I Photoshop a deed? The joke was owning the town.
David: Okay, stop.
Johnny: That was the joke!

Wednesday, May 5, 2021

Quote from Roland in Ronnie's Party

Johnny: Oh, just continue on inside.
Roland: Well, I hope we didn't catch the two of you with your pants down.
Jocelyn: Oh.
Roland: I'm just joking, I can see they're on. No, we actually listened outside to make sure.

Tuesday, May 4, 2021

Quote from Moira in The Hospies

Moira: Well, hello, you!
Stevie: Mrs. Rose, what are you doing here?
Moira: I thought you and I might celebrate your big award!
Stevie: Come in. Oh, thank you.
Moira: And I was made aware there was a loss, as well.
Stevie: Yeah. Turns out, someone who's been working the front desk of a motel her whole life isn't exactly a turn-on.
Moira: I was speaking of his loss. Stevie, underneath the brambly tartan blousant is a chrysalis, just bursting with potential.

Monday, May 3, 2021

Quote from David in Bad Parents

Stevie: It's just your clothes, they're all kind of funky.
David: Funky?
Stevie: Yeah. Funky.
David: Yeah, no, no, no. I'm just trying to figure out- What about this- What about this is funky? I'm just having a hard time understanding.
Stevie: It's just, you know, like funky. Different.
David: Yeah, funky is a neon t-shirt you buy at an airport gift shop, next to a bejeweled iPhone case. This- This is luxury.

Sunday, May 2, 2021

Quote from Moira in Opening Night

Roland: Moira, what are you doing? You undermined my authority.
Moira: We were losing our audience. You saw the walkouts. And on opening night!
Ronnie: This isn't a theatre.
Moira: Isn't it?
Roland: Look, you can't go making blind promises to these people! This isn't Sunrise Bay, where everybody lives in a perfect dream world!
Moira: I'll have you know, Sunrise Bay was a coastal community plagued by a centuries-old curse!

Upcoming Quotes

Sunday, May 9, 2021

A quote from Moira in the episode Smoke Signals.

Monday, May 10, 2021

A quote from Jocelyn in the episode The Rollout.

Tuesday, May 11, 2021

A quote from Jocelyn in the episode Moira Rosé.

Wednesday, May 12, 2021

A quote from Alexis in the episode The Hospies.

Thursday, May 13, 2021

A quote from Stevie in the episode Don't Worry, It's His Sister.