Schitt's Creek Quote of the Day

Thursday, December 9, 2021

Quote from Alexis in The Olive Branch

Alexis: Here's the thing you should know about my Dad. Sweetest little guy, gives the worst gifts.
Stevie: Okay, well that makes me feel a little better.
Alexis: Like he built David a basketball court for his Bar Mitzvah.
Stevie: Oh, boy, okay.
Alexis: Mm hmm. And unfortunately, the only way to like, train it out of him, is to show him just how wrong the gift is. Like, David forced us to watch him shoot at a basket for 10 minutes, until the ball hit the rim, and then bounced back in his face. But it actually worked out perfectly, because all David really wanted for his Bar Mitzvah, was a nose job. They took the court down the next day.

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Recent Quotes

Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Quote from Alexis in Motel Review

Alexis: Dad, what did you do to my paper?!
Johnny: I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything with your paper. Your laptop was open, I did a little editing, nothing major.
Alexis: I've been accused of plagiarism.
Johnny: What?
Alexis: Yeah. Jocelyn thought I cheated because "someone" used words like duplexity, and backtowards!
Johnny: Untoward.
Alexis: Whatever!

Tuesday, December 7, 2021

Quote from Twyla in The Hike

Twyla: Hey, what's up?
Alexis: Nothing, I was just on my way back from Ted's, and I thought I'd pop in and see how you're doing, girl. Good shift?
Twyla: Is this about the card reading earlier?
Alexis: What? No. I've been thinking about the card reading earlier, and I just feel like it wasn't the greatest send off, you know? So hopefully I'll get a better one this time, and it will just like, erase the other one.
Twyla: I'd be glad to do it, Alexis, but I should warn you, I think the deck may be cursed. I predicted four other drownings today.
Alexis: Okay, well maybe you should get a new deck.

Monday, December 6, 2021

Quote from Alexis in The Cabin

Alexis: David, I just- I miss my life! And I miss doing things. And I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think that I'm funny, and smart, and charming. Will you? Just a few people. Please. You can't tell me that you don't wanna hang out with people other than me.
David: Obviously.

Sunday, December 5, 2021

Quote from Moira in The Throuple

Moira: I never meant for you to think that I didn't wanna spend any time with you. Well I hope it's not too late to make up for lost time.
Alexis: Okay. What is your favourite season?
Moira: [inhales sharply] Awards.

Saturday, December 4, 2021

Quote from David in Don't Worry, It's His Sister

Johnny: What's that?
David: Eye cream.
Johnny: From where?
David: From Paris.
Johnny: How did you pay for it?
David: Oh, one of my credit cards is still working.
Johnny: Oh, you're charging things to your credit card?! I see, and how are you gonna pay for it?
David: I don't think you understand, I already have it.
Johnny: Well, I know this is a bizarre concept for you, David, but if you want cream from Paris, you need a job, so you can pay for the cream from Paris!
David: Okay. Well, tell that to the bags under my eyes, then.

Friday, December 3, 2021

Quote from Moira in Dead Guy in Room 4

Alexis: Okay, why don't the new guests stay in your room?
Johnny: It'll take day just to re-box your mother's wigs.
Moira: Oh, my God, can you imagine? Not one of you is trained.

Upcoming Quotes

Friday, December 10, 2021

A quote from Roland in the episode The Drip.

Saturday, December 11, 2021

A quote from Stevie in the episode The Job Interview.

Sunday, December 12, 2021

A quote from Roland in the episode The Barbecue.

Monday, December 13, 2021

A quote from Patrick in the episode The Hike.

Tuesday, December 14, 2021

A quote from Moira in the episode Allez-Vous.