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‘The Cabin’ Quotes

Schitt's Creek: The Cabin

105. The Cabin

Aired February 3, 2015

Unable to enjoy a moment of privacy at the motel, Johnny and Moira are offered Roland's cabin for the weekend. Meanwhile, Alexis tries to make the most of her parents' absence by throwing a party, despite David's reluctance.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Um, why don't you guys stay at the cabin for longer?
Moira: Oh, I would never just abandon you two in a motel in the middle of nowhere.
David: Didn't you once take the wrong baby home from preschool?
Moira: Alexis looked Chinese as an infant. How many times must I defend myself?

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Quote from Alexis

Alexis: David, I just- I miss my life! And I miss doing things. And I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think that I'm funny, and smart, and charming. Will you? Just a few people. Please. You can't tell me that you don't wanna hang out with people other than me.
David: Obviously.

Quote from Stevie

David: Obviously they need to be funny, and smart, and have well-rounded sense of humour and a wide range of knowledge.
Stevie: Oh, all those types of people move away from here.
David: That's funny.
Stevie: No, I'm serious.

Quote from Moira

Moira: This place is almost charming. Very rustic cottage. I was half expecting early unibomber.

Quote from Moira

Moira: I, for one, think we should take them up on their offer.
Johnny: I can't believe what I'm hearing here. We're talking about Roland's place. Who knows what the hell we're gonna find up there?
Moira: Well, we can't share any real intimacy here in this internment camp, John, and I don't want to turn into my parents. Separate beds, separate rooms.
Johnny: Well, separate countries.
Moira: Exactly, a bad marriage.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Actually, I have a good feeling about this, John.
Johnny: You know, I'm starting to get a pretty good feeling myself.
Moira: Are you?
David: [entering] Oh, my God! Am I being punished for something?
Moira: David, are you dirty Peeping Tom?
David: I don't think parenting books would approve of you saying that to me.

Quote from Bob

Johnny: And once again, my apologies.
Moira: And I'm sorry, I don't know how to make a bed.
Johnny: And I may have damaged your corkscrew, Bob.
Bob: You broke it in half.
Johnny: Okay, the door, it won't open. The door won't open.
Bob: It's locked.
Johnny: Oh, it's locked.
Moira: What do you want from us?
Bob: Yes, it's it's locked to prevent strangers from coming into the cabin. See, uh, we didn't realize that, uh, strangers would already be in the cabin when we locked it.

Quote from Moira

Alexis: Ew! Ew! Ew!
Moira: I hate to be the one to tell you, but having sex is not just about making children so they can grow up and make you feel bad about having sex.
Alexis: Oh, my God, can you stop this please?!
Moira: I will not be shamed. Shame on you.

Quote from Roland

Moira: Thank you so much for the loan of your cabin and your truck.
Roland: Looks like you folks got a lot of gear here, huh? Is that the tickle trunk?
Johnny: It's just clothes.
Roland: Yeah, okay, but just keep in mind there's only 60 amp service there, so don't be pluggin' a lot of gadgets in all at once, if you know what I mean.
Moira: Yet another disturbing look into his world.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: What about Sarah? She's cute and speaks English. Hmm?
David: Mm. She get it?
Stevie: Get what?
David: Like "get it" get it. It, like the vibe. Understand that games night needs to run a certain way, otherwise it won't work.
Stevie: Can I be on your team? You sound really fun.

Quote from Bob

Bob: Oh good, you're done. We, uh, we didn't wanna interrupt.
Johnny: What're doing here?
Bob: Oh, just finishing off the latest Harold Zable novel. You ever read him?
Johnny: How long have you been here?
Bob: Quite a while. Yeah, you seemed to have a little trouble there, getting going. And, uh, well, we, uh, we didn't think you needed the extra pressure on you, so...

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Okay, so then, hey, why don't we do something else, like a drinking game.
David: No! Absolutely not!
Alexis: Every time the vein in my brother's eye twitches, we take a drink.
David: Why would you bring up my eye in front of all these people?

Quote from Johnny

David: Shame on you for attempting that position at 8 o'clock in the morning.
Moira: John?
Johnny: You know what? Do you know how difficult it is for us to share a wall with you two?
David: I do now.
Johnny: Yes, well, if you don't mind, we are now going back into our room and don't even think about opening that door!
Moira: Are you serious?
Johnny: Next time.

Quote from Roland

Johnny: Roland, I just need the door fixed.
Roland: Mm-hmm?
Johnny: Okay? My family can't keep living like this. My wife and I, we have no privacy.
Roland: Okay, all right. I get what this is about. You and the wife wanna bump the old uglies, huh? [chuckles]
Johnny: I have no idea what that means.
Roland: Having a little problem down there below there, Johnny boy, huh?
Johnny: No, there's no problem, Roland, I just need the locks fixed!
Roland: It's okay, I get it. I get it, captain. You've been a out to sea for a while you wanna bring the boat into port and maybe get your mast scrubbed. What're you guys down to now? Like twice a day?
Johnny: Okay, this is a conversation you and I will never have, all right? I just need the door fixed.

Quote from Roland

Jocelyn: Hey, Johnny.
Johnny: Jocelyn?
Jocelyn: How are you?
Johnny: Uh, good. Good.
Roland: Sex life's in the crapper. I just offered him the cabin.
Johnny: That is so not true.
Jocelyn: I knew something was wrong.
Johnny: N- Nothing is wrong.
Jocelyn: You should take the cabin. I wouldn't wanna see your relationship get any worse.

Quote from Jocelyn

Johnny: No, our relationship is fine. It's just a privacy issue-
Roland: Johnny, Johnny, come on, come on, come on, come on. Take the cabin, okay? And feel free to use the restraints. We keep 'em under the bed, so...
Johnny: Thank you. Thank you.
Jocelyn: Pick a safe word.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Well hellooooo.
Moira: Oh, my car broke down and it's raining, and I wondered if I might spend the night.
Johnny: Well, first let's get you out of those dry clothes and we'll see where the night takes us.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: Ooh, what about Eric?
David: Hmm?
Stevie: He finished high school.
David: I don't love his look.
Stevie: Oh, looks are important? Oh, why don't we throw a pageant?
David: Trust me, if I had time, we would, but we don't, so...

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Oh, look! Roland and Jocelyn.
Moira: Who are the other two?
Johnny: Well, that's Bob. He's on the town council.
Moira: And his partner? Roland has gay friends? Again, shocked and delighted.
Johnny: I think that's his wife.
Moira: No, they're both called husband. Look at the them smiling away. What have they got to be so happy about?
Johnny: Well, they have no money issues. That's why they're so happy.
Moira: Yeah, they just don't know any better.

Quote from Bob

Gwen: Oh, hi! You're good.
Moira: And you are?
Bob: I'm Bob, this is my wife Gwen, and, uh, this is our cabin.
Moira: Oh, no, no, no. This is Roland and Jocelyn's cabin.
Gwen: No, they're a mile up the road.
Bob: Big tree, a fence. You can't miss it.


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