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‘Estate Sale’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Schitt's Creek: Estate Sale

204. Estate Sale

Aired January 26, 2016

Johnny and Moira try to grab a bargain at a local estate sale. Meanwhile, David helps Roland buy an outfit for Jocelyn, and Mutt buys Alexis a bicycle.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Are they durable?
Wendy: Oh well, durability's a given here at the "Blouse Barn." And if you're asking my opinion-
David: Are we, though?
Wendy: It's between these two.
Roland: Well, this is a real "Sophie's Choice!"
David: I hope that you and Jocelyn don't role play that at home.
Roland: Hell, we've played every Streep movie.

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Quote from Ray

Ray: And sold! To Johnny Rose, for the price of $15 dollars. Which, uh, I hope you can afford. You know, considering your financial situation.
Johnny: Yeah, I get it, Ray. I get it. I get it. I've got cash, and I'd just like my cufflinks, please.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: I wonder who got my golf clubs.
Moira: Really, John, that's the first thing that comes to mind?
Johnny: They were custom made.
Moira: So was my Galapagonian tortoise-shell foot bath. And now some lonely hoarder is letting his cats poop in it.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Have you ever seen "The Devil Wears Prada?"
David: Obviously!
Roland: Okay, well, Meryl Streep plays this kind of powerful, sexy fashion woman-
David: Yep, I've seen it!
Roland: Okay, anyway, Jocelyn and I like to have a little fun with that idea, if you know what I mean. She plays Meryl, and I play the nervous but ambitious intern who's new to the city.
David: Oh, so you're the- So you- You're the Anne Hathaway in that situation?
Roland: I don't know who that is.
David: Well, that's more than enough information for me to go on.

Quote from David

Alexis: Okay, so you have to keep it upright.
David: I don't even wanna do this!
Alexis: David, you're gonna feel so good, trust me.
David: Oh, my God, you know that I have bad foot-eye coordination, you didn't have to wear corrective leg braces for three months.
Alexis: You can't blame everything on having been pigeon-toed, David.

Quote from David

David: It's just that I'm finding both of these options to be a little um...
Wendy: What?
David: Well, I don't know, we've just spent so much time and energy finding the few pieces that aren't, um, uh-
Wendy: What?!
David: I'm trying to find the word to describe what I-
Wendy: Oh, flirty? Sassy?
David: Skanky! I think the clothes are a bit skanky.
Roland: Hmm. Well. Skanky. We'll um, take the funereal skirt then, and the skanky blouse.

Quote from Roland

David: Well, thank you for this delightful trip.
Roland: You know, I'm starting to get the feeling that uh, you're a little upset.
David: What would give you that impression?
Roland: Well, I first noticed it when Heart came on, and nobody was taking the high parts.

Quote from Roland

David: Can I help you with something?
Roland: Well, um, here's the deal. Uh, I was thinking this morning, and I don't wanna tell you where I was thinking, but it was a small room in my house, and I was sitting down.
David: Okay.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: You know what I think, I think they tried it out, and uh, it just didn't work for them.
Moira: And by tried it out, you mean...
Johnny: I mean they tried it out.
Moira: Eww! Oh God! No! Oh! Oh! Oh God, that's memory foam, John!
Johnny: Oh, Moira, we've stayed at Kennedy compound, this can't be any worse than that!
Moira: The Kennedys aren't Roland! The Kennedys have regular medicals, daily laundering!

Quote from Roland

Roland: Well Johnny, I'm about to make you the most popular guy in room 6.
Johnny: Is this the mattress?
Roland: Okay, yeah, I've got a big heart, all right, don't spread it around. I talked Jocelyn into letting you have it.
Johnny: You're giving us the mattress?
Roland: Well, practically. It's yours for $200 bucks.
Johnny: That's a dollar less than you paid for it!

Quote from Moira

Moira: Oh, John, I don't know. Lamps, clothing, jewellery... Look at this poor woman's life strewn across cheap folding tables. John, do you think they did this with our things?
Johnny: No, not ours, no. They put our stuff right on the lawn.
Moira: Strangers picking through precious pieces we owned!
Johnny: I know, and judging us, like we're judging this poor woman.
Moira: Well, except they'd have been saying, "what great taste they had!"

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Well, they were just things, Moira, just things.
Moira: Yeah, designer, one-of-a-kind things.
Johnny: Yeah, sleek, oak-trimmed, leather interior, German-engineered things.
Moira: Oh! Shopping used to cheer me up. Big bulbs is not doing it for me.

Quote from David

Roland: And I was thinking to myself, who can I trust to help me pick out a woman's blouse? And you know whose name came to mind?
David: I don't- I don't know, Rachel Zoe?
Roland: Yours!
David: I don't know how to take that.

Quote from Roland

Roland: It's for Jocelyn.
David: Mm.
Roland: And you know, I would do it myself, it's just that you know, shopping, I mean, you go in, you get- You know, look at the stuff on the racks.
David: Uh-huh.
Roland: And you pick out, you know, the colour that you like, and then you try it on and make sure it fits you...
David: Right.
Roland: And then you buy it and you-
David: You're just describing what shopping is.

Quote from Alexis

Mutt: The whole purpose of having a bike might be to actually ride the bike.
Alexis: Yeah, I'm just not wearing the right outfit.
Mutt: It's a five minute ride.
Alexis: Yeah, so by the time we get on, and then we get off, it's almost not worth it.
Mutt: Do you not like the bike?
Alexis: No, I love it! It's just that, um, there are so many drunk drivers around here.
Mutt: It's 10:00am.
Alexis: Mutt, you tell that to an alcoholic!

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Moira, look at these cufflinks.
Moira: Oh, John, we're better off stealing cutlery from the cafe!

Quote from Moira

Jocelyn: Look at you two bargain hunters. You finding anything yet?
Moira: Mm, nothing you couldn't see fall out of a common Christmas cracker!

Quote from Roland

Roland: Now, we need a top, and we need a bottom. Like a skirt, something like that, which I know you're familiar with 'cause you're wearing one.
David: Okay, these are pants that just so happen to have a pant fabric over the front and back. Okay.
Roland: Yeah, it's a skirt.

Quote from David

Roland: Um, what about this? It seems durable, yes?
David: Yeah, um, in fashion, durable and elegant rarely go hand in hand. So I'd put that put that back.

Quote from Mutt

Alexis: You're judging me!
Mutt: I'm not! It's just riding a bike is a pretty basic skill.
Alexis: Mm, is it though?
Mutt: I think that most kids learn how to ride a bike!
Alexis: Yeah well, most kids also get head lice. I'm sorry if the opportunity never presented itself.
Mutt: Oh. What, there was no gap year in Belgium? No Tour de France boyfriend?

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