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33Quotes from ‘Sebastien Raine’

Schitt's Creek: Sebastien Raine

310. Sebastien Raine

Aired March 14, 2017

Moira agrees to be photographed by an ex-lover of David's. Meanwhile, Alexis volunteers with Ted at a senior center, and Johnny joins Bob's poker game.

Quote from David

Alexis: Remember when he dumped you? And you ate all those mall pretzels, and watched "Bridget Jones's Diary" every day for a year.
David: It wasn't a whole year, and I will not feel shame about the mall pretzels.

Quote from David

David: I think he's coming. So could you please go to the window and check for me?
Stevie: Who's he?
David: Uh, Sebastien Raine. He's most likely wearing a very expensive sweater, that doesn't look very expensive.
Stevie: Is he like, really-
David: Really handsome in a homeless-y way sort of way? Yes.

Quote from Roland

Bob: I'll go see if Gwen's has any more of these bacon-wrapped scallops.
Roland: Yeah, I guess it's another trip to Bob's laundromat, right? You know, because he keeps taking us to the cleaners.
Ronnie: Yeah, we get it, Roland.

Quote from David

Moira: You're aware of the extraordinary work of New York-Based photographer Sebastien Raine?
David: You mean my ex?
Moira: When did you date Sebastien Raine?
Alexis: They dated for like a month and a half and David got very upset about it.
David: Okay, It was almost three months. Four, if you include the month that he was seeing other people. And you met him through me.
Moira: That's nonsense. I met Sebastien Raine at an art opening years ago.
David: At my gallery. And can you please stop saying his full name. He's a monster, who uses people, and leaves them for dead.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Yeah. I hate to play contrarian, David, but The Times and I, both consider Sebastien Raine a dear friend.

Quote from Alexis

Ted: Well, I might have something for you but I don't think you're going to be interested.
Alexis: Try me.
Ted: Well, I work with some seniors a couple times a month.
Alexis: Wow. So cute. Um, it's just I have a thing with skin tags and old smells. So I might just need to think on it.
Ted: Well, tonight's gonna be fun though, dance lessons!
Alexis: [fake elated gasp] We'd have to touch them.

Quote from Roland

Roland: Sit! Okay. Now act like you're talking to me.
Johnny: I am talking to you.
Roland: No. Not like that. It's got to be more conversational. You know, like, um "Yes the weather is cold."
Johnny: Okay, I'm not following.
Roland: Okay, that's better. But try it a little more casually.
Johnny: What is going on?
Roland: Bob is trying to get his poker night together again and he wants me to play. And I can't afford it.
Johnny: Well then just say no, politely decline.
Roland: Well that's not gonna work, Johnny. Tell him that we're doing something together tonight, okay? Tell him you're taking me for a haircut tonight.

Quote from Roland

Johnny: I just think it'd be interesting to see what happens if Gwen wasn't around for the next hand.
Roland: Ah. Like if she had an "accident" or something?
Johnny: I don't mean bump her off, Roland. I mean, if she's not here, if she had to go to the store.

Quote from Alexis

Ted: Mind if I cut in?
Alexis: Oh, yeah. But I'm also happy to keep dancing with one of them.
Ted: No, I meant I could dance with Joan. Just the ladies get pretty upset if I don't divide my time between them.
Alexis: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Uh, well, then I will dance with Dot.
Dot: I would rather dance with the Swiffer.

Quote from Bob

Bob: You thought we were cheating?
Johnny: No! No, I-
Bob: No offence, but I don't need to cheat to beat any of you.
Ronnie: It's just, you win a lot, Bob.
Bob: And there's a reason for that. Listen now Ronnie, when you- When you have a good hand, you close your cards real quick. And Ray, when you've got a bad hand, you start tapping your foot. And Johnny, your right eyebrow kind of just pops up. And Roland... Well, you know, I don't even know if you know the rules.
Roland: I don't know all of them. No.
Bob: Well, you know, truth is we put most of the winnings towards the snacks that Gwen serves up. We thought it was kind of a special evening for everyone.

Quote from Ray

Ray: In my defensive, I didn't believed any of this, Bob. [foot tapping] Gwen is very trustworthy.
Johnny: Ray, you're tapping your foot.
Ray: Okay.

Quote from David

Moira: David?!
David: Um, yes, Sebastien and I just had some um, stuff that we needed to talk about.
Moira: Well, I'm having a hard time landing on surprise or betrayal.
David: Yeah, I should probably go. So...
Moira: Give me the memory card, Sebastien.
Sebastien Raine: Moira, I'm scared for us.
David: Oh, you mean this memory card? Yeah, I'd give it back, but I don't think it'll be of much use to you. It accidentally fell out of your camera into my hand last night. And then fell out of my hand into my drink. And then I stepped on it a lot. So... It was really good to see you, Sebastien. Good luck with the rest of this project.

Quote from Bob

Roland: Okay, folks, we're going to start with something a little different tonight. The game is called crazy eights. And the diamond shaped things are wild.
Ronnie: Roland, shush.
Johnny: Well, I'm just glad we're back here again, and that we could put all that unpleasantness behind us.
Ronnie: Gwen, these Teriyaki meatballs they're delicious.
Johnny: Wow and those sliders look incredible.
Bob: Those aren't for you.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Family! I have exciting news! Oh, good. David, I hoped you were home.
Alexis: Thanks.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Sebastien Raine wants to collaborate on a project. With me. And you know his commitment to his work. He's willing to come all the way here. When flying me to New York would be a lot easier.And a welcome escape. But Sebastien Raine puts his subjects first. And he told me I must respect that.
David: Okay. You know what? I don't care. So you can do whatever you like.
Moira: I could cancel, but you just told me you don't care so now I have no choice but to meet him.

Quote from Stevie

Sebastien Raine: You look really... Healthy.
David: Thanks.
Sebastien Raine: I can't believe this is where you live. I think you're brave.
Stevie: Hi. Stevie. I like your sweater.
Sebastien Raine: You must be David's girlfriend.
Stevie: No. No, I own the motel, so that makes me more like your landlord?
David: No, it doesn't.
Sebastien Raine: Stevie, Stevie. Stevie. I'd love to Polaroid you naked one day.
Stevie: Okay.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Is this place not funny? I think it might just be one of my favourite local dives.
Sebastien Raine: I love it. It's just so unassertive.
Moira: Well, you can't find this in New York City.
Sebastien Raine: New York misses you, Moira.
Moira: [sighs] You're too kind. And correct.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Tell me things, Sebastien. Tell me everything!
Sebastien Raine: Well, I just got back from London. I was touring with Madonna. She commissioned a series of anti-portraits.
Moira: Whoa. Well, it sounds brilliant.
Sebastien Raine: I want to do something even more brilliant with you, Moira. Come, let's walk. Creativity lives on its feet. Anything else is bullshit.
Moira: I just ordered you a Sanka-ccino. [taking Sebastien's hand] It's a beautiful day.
Sebastien Raine: And you're a beautiful subject.
Moira: Sebastian, I must insist you stop with the flattery. In due time.

Quote from Alexis

Ted: What is this?
Alexis: Um, nothing. It just says that I work here.
Ted: Uh-huh. This is for volunteer hours. But you don't volunteer here. You work here.
Alexis: But, I volunteer to work here.
Ted: Because it's your job.
Alexis: Okay but, I need these hours to graduate so...
Ted: So looks like you're gonna have to find somewhere to volunteer.
Alexis: Okay. It's just, I thought my community service hours would apply but they don't count because their court-ordered. So...
Ted: Yeah, I think the whole point of volunteering is to give something back, right?
Alexis: Okay. Sure. But whatever I give back has to happen within two weeks.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Sebastien, I was under the impression that you were here just for today for a quick consult- [shutter clicks] Hey! What are you doing?
Sebastien Raine: Sorry, it's the way the light is catching you. The photo took itself.
Moira: Ah, but you had to push the button. Sebastien don't, please. This is my talk now, shoot later look. So, this visage is off-limits for- For the moment. Plea-

Quote from Moira

Moira: Okay, I was wondering when we do the actual shoot, um, are we thinking studio or on location? Because I bet Mr. Schnabel would love to loan us the Palazzo.
Sebastien Raine: [shutter clicks] Yes! Okay.
Moira: As long as you can still hear me. I was also thinking Berlin.

Quote from Moira

David: Nice day with Sebastien?
Moira: Very productive. I think we've laid the groundwork for an exciting enterprise.
David: I'm sure you'll be a wonderful subject.
Moira: Oh, thank you, sweetheart. Today was more about discussing theme, and tone, and mise-en-scene.

Quote from Moira

Moira: You know, he may have taken a few reference photos, but...
David: So he photographed you today then?
Moira: Hmm-hm. You know just a few dozens snaps about town picturettes, really.
David: Why would you have allowed this to happen?
Moira: I don't know. He just started shooting. Aand shouting. And I did what he told me to do and I "leaned in" to the moment.
David: How did that work out for you?
Moira: I leaned in! I don't know, David. Why don't you try it sometime!

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: This is actually very cute. Although I did think that there would be more of them.
Ted: Yeah, well there used to be, but you know...
Alexis: Oh, okay, but these ones actually smell like very clean, like baby powder.
Ted: Yeah, I think it's probably better if you call the girls by their names.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Does Dot have arthritis? Because it looks like she's giving me the finger.
Joan: Well, she has arthritis, but not in that hand.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: I don't think it's an accident that Bob keeps winning.
Roland: What are you talking about?
Johnny: Haven't you noticed how Gwen circles the table with appetizers, constantly eyeing Bob, and then he lays down a big fat bet and wins?
Ronnie: You know, come to think of it, those matching visors they're a little suspicious.
Ray: I don't want to believe this, but, uh, I do miss my wristwatch.

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: So Bob, we were just talking about how delicious the food is and you know the only thing missing is...
Roland: Gwen's gotta go!
Johnny: I think what Roland is saying is if she could maybe go to the store to perhaps pick up some a little more...
Bob: Kosher?
Ray: And halal.
Bob: Gwen, you called it!
Johnny: Yeah. Sure. Sure. That would do it.
Ronnie: Yeah and some gluten-free options, for the ladies.

Quote from Roland

Bob: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry I didn't think of this. But you know, maybe maybe Roland could go? He's running pretty low on chips.
Roland: Sure. I can drive.
Johnny: I don't think you want to drive, Roland.
Roland: I don't mind. I love driving.
Johnny: I don't think you do.
Roland: Yeah, I don't love driving. Not at night. No! And I'm drunk.

Quote from David

Sebastien Raine: So I had a prolific day with your mother today.
David: Yes, she said.
Sebastien Raine: Very excited about the shoot. The photos are really haunting.
David: Haunting. Sure she'd be thrilled about that adjective.

Quote from Alexis

Alexis: Um, okay Joan, I'm probably wrong, but I feel like the other ladies are very un-soothed by the fact that I'm here.
Joan: Oh, they are, but don't worry. It's just that we've just all grown very fond of Ted.
Alexis: Oh, well we're not dating. But I do understand that old women can get very possessive about young- younger...

Quote from Alexis

Joan: It's none of my business and I'm sure you have your reasons. I'd just want to know what they are?
Alexis: Aggressive move, Joan.
Joan: Well, I've been trying to set Ted up with my granddaughter for two years now. And nothing.
Alexis: Do you want me to put in a good word?
Joan: It wouldn't matter. And you know why?
Alexis: Is she not cute?
Joan: She's not you. You must know that Ted is still stuck on you.
Alexis: I think you ladies are just a little bit confused. Ted and I are just very close friends.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Good morning, Sebastien. I was up all night evaluating our little project and I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that you may have misrepresented your intentions.
Sebastien Raine: I wanted to capture the real Moira Rose. Does the real Moira Rose live in a studio? Or the Palazzo?
Moira: I have. And I will again. If you're planning to capitalize on those images...
Sebastien Raine: You just have to trust me. With this work you will, once again, sit atop the summit of cultural conversation, with your inspired unfettering.
Moira: Oh, I'd love to believe you, but there's a big fat line between charm and bullshit. Give me your camera.

Quote from David

Moira: David, I feel terrible that you had to do that just for me.
David: It wasn't just for you. Let's just say we both won.


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